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Creating A Sex Driven Life

Understanding What Your Really Want In Life

By Anthony BallPublished 4 years ago 5 min read
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Creating A Sex Driven Life
Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

I rarely had any long lasting relationships growing up, mainly consisting of one night stands and the occasional 3 or 6 month slogs and this intensified throughout university.

During university I increased my desire for sex and alcohol, thinking - ‘this has been what i’m searching for’ filling my long desire of happiness, unfortunately, this only lead me to falling into the trap of using people to fill up my significance box.

I went on throughout my university life building a reputation of sleeping around, one night stands and strip clubs. At the time I thought ‘wow, how great is my life’, sleeping with all these girls, having all the lads be jealous of me, getting the attention I wanted.

Reinforcing sex = happiness = significance

This mentality continued, I traveled around Europe and America continuing the same traits resulting in the same outcomes and increasing my believe I needed someone else to make me happy (through sex). Using only sex to build my significance bucket.

As someone who didn’t show emotion unless drunk, or pushed to my limits I didn’t feel much. Not pain or joy, I craved adrenaline sports to give me that buzz of excitement, when I should have been angry I was numb, when I should have been scared I was numb, when I should have been sad I stayed numb and so on.

I was always praised as being calm in pretty much any situation but in truth I was only calm because I had trained myself to be numb, feeling no emotion whatsoever. Whatever happened, I would act to those around me as though I was calm when in reality it was numbness and I didn’t know how to escape.

And that’s important to know as the only time I was feeling anything was during sex which is saying something, right?

At the time, I knew none the wiser so convinced myself I was so great for being calm and having loads of sex - go me!

Bring The Sex Into A Relationship

At Age 22 I finally met someone, I could create a relationship with, she was strong, brave and beautiful and I thought great that’s me sorted, I've got my girl, no need to worry about all the things I used to do as that’s in the past and having a partner will solve it all… How ignorant of me!

Right from the off I was creating this believe that Soph would solve all my problems, fill all my desires, and remember I had built this believe system that my desire to be happy was through sex and it was the only way I knew how to express any safe emotions.

As time passed, still ignorant to the idea that sex was controlling my world, 7 years into our relationship and my ex had come back from a personal development day, she would always come back and need time to herself but I could feel something was different this time round. The next morning we spoke and what she said to me next, felt like a building landing right on top of me ‘I think we need to break up’.

I had never felt so much emotion.

‘I think we need a break’... I was overcome with emotion, I didn’t know what to do, so, I panicked and walked out (a trait I had picked up from my dad). As the weeks passed the intense emotions grew, I had never felt this way before and had no idea what to do.

Until one evening I went to talk to my ex and as we spoke I felt my body losing control, my arms and hands were tingling, my jaw was going numb, pain in my groin, and out of control breathing for the first time ever I was having a panic attack, what the hell is this, I was scared, sad, angry, frustrated, as though all the pain and emotions I had been bottling up throughout my life had come to surface all at once.

My body was showing me what I needed to let free. An easy thing to do here is blame the situation for the result of a panic attack but it’s far far deeper than that.

Those began my exploration into my inner world.

I dived into all the things trying to understand what had happened, where it went wrong, I started reading and listening to tons of self development books and came across two that really resonated with me;

>The Way Of The Superior Man

>No More Mr Nice Guy

Both along side my personal coach helped me discover that my relationship was built around sex, me not getting enough, using sex to show & give emotion, not truly understanding what sex is really about.

After I started working on my self, developing & healing myself, my connections in all areas of my life improved, I started filling myself up with love rather than needing it from someone else, I was more driven, had clearer visions and goals, I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I knew what I was ignoring.

A great quote which is so inspiring to me is:

‘‘A fearful man who knows he is fearful is far more trustworthy than a fearful man who isn’t aware of his fear’’...And a fearful man who still leans into his fear, living at his edge and putting his gift out from there, is more trustworthy and more inspirational than a fearful man who hangs back in the comfort zone unwilling to even experience his fear on a day to day level...A free man is free to acknowledge his fears without hiding them or hiding from them’’ - The Superior Man

Taking the first step into yourself can be tricky and scary, it was for me, a lot of people avoid working on themselves as it's admitting they have something wrong with them.

It can only really happen when you're ready to make the difference, but when you do your life will change and you'll be so glad you did.

healing
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About the Creator

Anthony Ball

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