Create a Kinder Mind: How to Stop Your Mean, Hurtful Self-Talk

“You've been criticizing yourself for years, and it just didn't work. Try to compliment yourself and see what happens! ”~ Louise Hay

In my efforts to learn self-love I did medical treatment, read a lot of self-help books, and took self-improvement courses, hoping that I could learn to love myself as much as I could in accounting.

This all helped; however, when I got to the point of speaking for myself my progress stopped.

Before that, I was unaware that I was using bad language in my speech or in myself. I was the first to put myself down, the first to criticize and discipline myself, and my fierce critic.

Although this has helped me to overcome other physical and mental barriers, therefore, I have accomplished things I never thought possible - such as completing the Ironman triathlon and using ultramarathons - these times were different, not the law.

I hid the excuse that they encouraged me to forgive my cruelty and to move on. My good reasons prevented me from changing my life and loving myself so that I could be happier and more fulfilled.

I realized that I was talking too badly about myself because I was suffering from a surprisingly low self-esteem.

I was trying to balance my high, absurd standards of what I thought I needed to be in order to be loved, accepted, and accepted. But these destructive and critical habits actually contradicted what I really needed, as they did not allow me to give myself love.

I needed to change the way I talked about myself, and I needed to do it right away!

I realized that I had made up my mind as a result of both decisions that I had never known before. And if my thoughts about me come from the decisions I made in the past, I had the same power today to make different decisions to shape the person I will be in the future.

Here are some of the strategies and tools I have used to overcome my self-esteem issues and start talking to me kindly:

1. Publishing.

Before I started changing my speech, I used my diary to express what I was feeling. It was painful to read what I had written. Amidst bad thoughts and feelings were great and happy events, but the painful memories and thoughts overwhelmed us.

When I bought a new magazine I decided to focus on what I was doing or saying and about myself that showed love and kindness.

So for example, if I was feeling fat and pounding with my big thighs, I would write that I am thankful that my big thighs are strong enough to help me run marathons.

You will also find that after a few days of doing this consistently you will be able to get some bad thoughts before they open up to something bigger.

2. Deleting words should / should be done / should be done.

I stopped using these words and replaced them with such kind expressions as “I choose,” as I found “I should,” “I should,” and “I should” make me feel unnecessarily guilty.

For example, when I set my alarm clock at night instead of saying “I have to get up in the morning to get some exercise,” I now say to myself, “I prefer to get up in the morning and get some exercise.”

Stop 'rubbing' yourself and you will feel better about yourself.

3. Smiling.

In my last race, instead of pretending to be slow, I started the race with the intention of smiling as much as possible. It was the best thing I could do.

It made me feel good, and the audience noticed and enjoyed me, which filled me with great energy.

Try to smile now and see how you feel. Imagine doing this every time you cross the street or answer a phone call. You will find that a small smile becomes a big smile quickly.

4. That yes to you and not to others.

I have learned that yes to me, sometimes which means no to others.

Now I look at my motives for saying yes to someone else. If it will be loved and / or accepted, it may cause disappointment when I do not get what I expect as I do.

Imagine if we could all say yes to others only when we truly felt in our hearts. There would be no resentment, and when we did things for others it would be done with joy, creating good feelings for us.

5. Accepting that we do not all need to love one another.

I'm starting to worry a bit about what others think of me and my decisions, as long as I'm comfortable with my decisions, and they come from a place of integrity and honesty.

This has helped me in my speech, as I no longer think I am a bad person if someone doesn't like me.

Just as we do not love everyone, everyone will not love us, and that is OK. You may be surprised at how relieved you are when you are right in the eyes of everyone.

6. Asking, "How would this decision make me feel about myself?"

I weigh every option by looking at how it would make me feel about myself. I ask myself, “Does this make me feel good about myself? If not, what does it take to feel good about myself? ”

For example, before accepting an invitation to see an ‘old friend,’ I now stop and ask myself, “Does spending time with this person make me feel good about myself?” If the answer is no, then I decide to spend my time with someone whose presence gives me strength.

Ask yourself this question and you will choose many that will build you up instead of tearing you down.

7. Set realistic goals and celebrate progress.

Now I set attainable goals for myself and celebrate them. I don't beat myself up if I don't get it, or if I don't get it the way I wanted it to.