Coronavirus Diaries

Wednesday 11th March

There's a lot of doubt around how "serious" Covid-19 is. Rumours about Italy and lockdown, the situation in China, death tolls and cases rising. The mistake is thinking the problem is on the other side of the world. I'm meant to be travelling to Paris for the weekend with family, we go ahead cautiously. "Stock up on hand gel!" Mum's orders. I go to Boots after work, there isn't any, hardly any toilet paper or pasta either. Then Tesco, none there too. I brush it off. "Do we need face masks?" my sister asks. Famous last words.

Thursday 12th March

Paris is beautiful as always. We visit Disneyland, its a touch and go decision but we go with it. But when we arrive the park is not allowing parades, or meet and greets with characters. This feels ominous. The Metro is empty, and more people are wearing masks. On our way back to our Airbnb, my newsfeed informs me that effective 13th March, the Eiffel Tower and Louvre will be closed. We still went to the courtyard, the upside being after three prior visits, this time I got a clear, albeit eerily deserted picture. My stomach sinks further, quiet hysteria and panic is rising in Paris. Is the U.K heading the same way?

Note to later self: Of course it is, fool.

Monday 16th March

I'm back in the office. There's whisperings that we should be working from home. Everyone looks nervous, sneezes are no longer met with 'bless you'. London going into 'lockdown' feels imminent now. It's announced towards the end of the day that the entire company will be put on reduced hours, at 50%. My heart is in my mouth. I sit accross from my manager as she delivers the news, I'm sad because this is hard for her. She's always been kind and supportive of me. Some are in tears, worried about mortgages, job security. I go home that night deflated, not bothering to take much with me, I want to hug my team but we can't. We would be back in the office weekly on a rotation at least, surely?

Note to later self: After this day, I don't return for over 3 months (at time of writing).

Thursday 19th March

The nighty ritual now includes watching the daily No.10 briefings presented by various cabinet Ministers, many who before this I didn't know by name. Boris has tried to rally the nation, he is vibrating with nervous energy. And now the governments 'Job Retention Scheme' aka furlough, has been announced by Rishi Sunak. He's holding the purse strings to the country in his hands. I'm grateful for the 80% of my wage I'll be receiving. So many people have had their livelihoods stripped from them, suffered redundancies already. That night I go to bed with a tight feeling in my chest. Is it Corona or anxiety?

Monday 23rd March

Quarantine birthday's in lockdown have quickly become a trending topic, this day is for my sister. And in her honour, we bake! Which becomes a renewed favourite pastime. Other 'lockdown trending topics' include banana bread recipe's, Dalgona coffee masterpieces and excessive amounts of Amazon packages at the doorstep every morning ominously signed 'Covid-19'.

Sunday 19th April

There have been various highs and low's over the last few weeks. Government approved daily walks (aka day-release) have renewed our love for the great outdoors. And the improved weather has led me to a golf course I never knew about five minutes from my home, a wide expanse of green that allows for social distancing. We nod and smile now, a very non-British approach to interactions with strangers. I suppose it’s a part of the ‘we’re all in it together’ vibe. I hope we remember to keep kind smiles with passers-by when this is all over.

Friday 24th April

Everything and everyone irritates me, the constant question of what/when shall we eat. Jarring. So every time news of a fast food franchise reopening appears, I audibly rejoice like scientists have discovered a miracle vaccine for Coronavirus and persistently-irritating-disorder simultaneously. I dream of 30 chicken nuggets from McD's, and my Nando's order consists of 20 wings and 5 large portions of peri chips with perinaise on the side.

But, I also love deeper than I ever have. I miss friends and family so much, the belly aching laughs that just don't translate the same on Zoom. I FaceTime loved ones in the U.S, Hong Kong and all over the U.K. FAQ's include but are not limited to; "So how strict is the government over there? What phase are you guys in? Are you still working? Who are you quarantined with?" If response includes bf/gf/spouse/partner, this is followed up with; "How many time's a day are you boning? Are you trying for a baby yet? How often do you picture dangling (insert applicable pronoun) out of the window?"

Friday 25th April

I bought 3 set's of PJ's and spend the rest of the day plotting where to hide the parcels when they arrive. I'll pretend like I'm being sensible and saving loads of money. "Oh, these old things? Had them for ages."

Wednesday 6th May

I try to start my morning's with Yoga, not succeeding every day. I abuse Depop instead. My back aches and I miss the pool at the gym. I feel lethargic but the weather means everyone is flooding into parks and gardens. We're 'over the peak now' and the 'R level is below 1'. All these phrases that never even entered my vocabulary prior now fall out of my mouth every day. I'm exhausted.

Saturday 16th May

The government has announced we're now able to see one person from outside our household, there are also relaxed measures on movement and exercise outdoors, while maintaining social distan... YASSSS. So I'm driving up to Chelsea (I haven't driven in what feels like years) to see one of my best friends. She's also an ex colleague, we both work in fashion. We discuss the industry and how royally fucked it may or may not be. We're both furloughed thankfully, but the firm I also used to work at with her is small and was already struggling. I worry for her future there, But she's massively resilient and a ridiculously talented designer. Being with her today has felt like the most 'normal' day since lockdown began. Even though we could not hug and I wore a mask a lot of the time, it was great just to get out of my neighbourhood, walk along the river bank and laugh with a friend in real life. We even got ice cream!

Sunday 31st May

Outings are a very serious business now. I plan outfits down to the hair accessories, and every move is planned with precision. I'm going to Hampstead Heath today with my sister and some friends. The area is buzzing with activity, it is a beautifully hot day. We have a wonderful day, M&S picnic, Dettol wipes, hand sanitiser and Pornstar Martini in a can #winning.

On the drive home though we take note that in some area's, those predominantly white and wealthy, people seem to move more freely with less fear.

Note to later self; The government has acknowledged deaths BAME communities in the UK are significantly disproportionate, making up 16% of the death toll at this point.

Tuesday 9th June

Around six weeks into lockdown I committed to starting a blog. I've always loved writing and studied journalism at university. It's escapism and therapy, finding a project has kept me sane. I miss work terribly, feeling productive and the pace of it all. But I recognise now that this 'pause' has re-alligned my focus and priorities. It's my birthday tomorrow, I'm turning 32. I'm not spending it how I usually would, but I'm more grateful than I have been for years. And even though there have been life altering events all over the world, there has been a renewed sense of togetherness. A revolution of the mind and soul. The impact of this will be felt in waves for years to come, on our economy, our health and well being, policies and government. But the only constant in life is change.

When I blow out my birthday cake candles tomorrow, I'll make a wish that I can go back to hugging my Mum and Dad without thinking twice, dance into the wee hours with my best friends in the city I love and travel with the boy I like, smiling without a mask covering my favourite part of his face. I know that's more than the one allocated wish we're usually allowed but since this year has been a shit show I'll take my chances, we all deserve some extra joy I think.