Consciousness in relationships

It’s crazy to me that my dad’s friends made fun of him (and later me) for his classic 80’s/90s kid/ “moody teenager” qualities. Shouldn’t that have been a sign than he wasn’t doing well? That none of us have adequate communication skills for the depths of our emotions? We’re uncomfortable with sharing each other’s strongest and most powerful emotions. To the point that giant sporting or music events, shopping malls, and parties are our only sense of that metaphysical connection. What if that connection was present in our friends and family? What if our closest relationships didn’t traumatize us?

Why is it so difficult to to get validation from people we are supposed to be able to lean on? Why does healing seem out of reach, or sometimes like it’s not even worth trying?

If you’re addressing the wrong problem, the solution will not stick. If you think the problem is their punctuality, their habits, their communication; we can only pick out traits in others that we have noticed in ourselves. If you see something in another person that makes you hopeful or happy, that’s something that you are capable of doing. That’s something that others probably notice in you, whether or not you’ve noticed it in yourself. On the other hand: if it’s something negative about the other person, it’s likely something others have picked out in you, as well. Again, whether or not you realize it or think it about yourself.

Perception is different in every single person. I can speak to someone all day, every day for a year and they still will not be able to sense my perception; just their perception of my communication of my perception. Our brains and our egos do a lot of work on our behalf to make life a little more bearable; so we all have skewed perceptions of ourselves. It’s not a sin, it’s just something we have to learn to name and accept, so we can learn from it.

We need to stop complaining about negative traits in other people. We need to remember the in our lives that we may have exhibited those traits, and the ways in which we were hurting at that time. Try to think of the wounds that caused us to act in those awful ways, and ask yourself if the person you’re upset about could be experiencing those same things. Maybe you’ll have a better idea of how to communicate with them, once you have presence for a little extra compassion.

I’ve been brainstorming different types of therapies. For me, being on a healing journey has been my largest and most consistent form of therapy. I’m doing what I call “broke girl healing,” which I think everyone should do because money cannot buy this stuff. I take an intuitive approach, so I’m constantly changing what I do. Altering my routine, adding steps when I’m ready, taking out things that aren’t helpful. My body is constantly changing, and I am constantly practicing listening to it to see what I need to change. When I learn things about myself, I try to implement it into my daily life, at least until I get the point. We run on our subconscious a lot of the time, and I try to make sure that I’m training my subconscious to operate in a healthier way.

When you’re able to recognize the difference between your own conscious and subconscious responses, you will begin to be able to identify it in others. When someone else is responding to you in a subconscious or unconscious way, it’s best to make yourself absolutely present. Hold space. Make compassion in yourself, and the other person may realize what they are doing. It’s important to make others feel sake & accepted when this happens. You don’t need to let them know what you’re doing, just do it. Be calm. Your consciousness will contrast the tone of the unconsciousness, and some people will respond to that. They may never have entered that stage so quickly before. Usually when people are in a deep unconscious state, they go shopping or go for a run to remove themselves and return naturally - sometimes quitting a job or breaking up with a partner in the process. Give the person a safe space to have a meltdown, if that’s what you want to call it. Be there to guide them back to their path when they come out of flailing around in the dark.

Note: if this is a person that is going to harm you, if you’re a child, or BIPOC, or a woman, a religious minority, anything: run. You don’t have to be around unconscious people if it’s going to hurt you in any way. In ANY way. That isn’t your job, but if you feel comfortable and safe doing so, peace be with you.