Closure On My Covid Dreams

During my third month in lockdown with my family this year, I began to experience horrible nightmares. I ignored them at first. However, I began to worry about them after a bunch of my dreams became recurring ones day by day in quarantine, along with the experiences of sleep paralysis and night terrors. Don’t get my wrong, I had dreams like this before the pandemic growing up but never like this before while in quarantine. It was horrible and felt as if life was slowly draining out of me day by day. I thought I was slowly losing my life bit by bit as a result. I didn’t know who I was anymore as a person. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on. I even forgot why I existed in general. I felt as if I was going crazy!

The dreams continued during my first semester home from school when I had to take classes online instead of in person as a result of the pandemic. I was constantly inside like other students in quarantine, not getting as much sun nor sunshine exposure. There were even days where I had nightmares that came true, and I didn’t know why. It sickens me to this day, knowing how vivid the dreams were (especially the dreams that came true). I had multiple mental breakdowns as a result, and it worsened my anxiety and depression. It was a horrible and scary experience.

To try coping with my nightmares, I searched for answers to get help. I talked to family, a few friends, and even saw a counselor and a therapist virtually about the situation, knowing my life was hanging by a thread while in quarantine and isolation. I wanted closure and healing to improve my mental health while in quarantine. Thankfully, I was told a good amount of information that helped me out a lot and possibly saved my life. It gave me a sense of hope.

What I was told was that I was not alone in this. There are numerous articles out there that I read and was shown by family, my counselor, and my therapist, talking about how many people in isolation and quarantine experienced many vivid dreams. The dreams people were having were considered as Covid Dreams or Covid Nightmares. It makes sense, because a lot of the dreams people talked about involved getting the virus, running away, or escaping. My dreams for example were about escaping, running away from dark shadowy figures with glowing blood red or yellow eyes, my name being called while not being able to move, and also being watched, followed, and attacked in some way or form. It was horrifying, and I cried a bunch about those dreams when I first had them.

I was also told to keep a dream journal. I now have three dream journals, and have written about hundreds of dreams that were recurring or had a similar plot or theme. Dream journaling helped me learn more about myself when it came to my personality, the way I grew up, the way my life is, and who I talk to. It helped me to slowly find myself again during these weird, horrible, and uncertain times (even if I had to reread the journals one to two more times).

I also made sure I maintained a routine. For example, I tried maintaining a healthy sleep schedule to combat my fear of going to sleep after having the nightmares I had. I also made sure to keep myself busy, even if it meant sewing masks, taking online summer courses for school, binge watching a bunch of Netflix and Disney+ movies and TV shows, having a few laughs from some video game comedy YouTube channels, exercising, creating art, and even jamming out to Lindsey Stirling, Taylor Swift, Disney, and Shivelight music. These things helped me stop having the nightmares I had before throughout this year. I have few dreams hear and there still, but it wasn’t as bad as before during quarantine this past year.

Despite all of these things, it is sometimes difficult to get over the dreams, nightmares, night terrors, and sleep paralysis I experienced. I never realized how hard it was to find closure in a situation like this. I thought of so many options, including the possibility of burning all of my Covid Dream journals after this pandemic (if that is a good thing to do or not, not to be weird). Even writing this article has become a sense of closure for myself in a way.

Besides closure, I wanted to share my story to give a sense of hope for anyone else who has experienced a situation like mine during this pandemic or in general. I know many people focused on physical health during the pandemic (which I am not downplaying by the way). What I am saying is that it is important to remember how much our mental health makes a huge difference and can also affect our physical health in the process. Self-care is very important not just physically but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

If you are reading this at this point, I want to say that you are a trooper and have so much resilience. Thank you for being this way, because you have helped so many people in your life you were constantly there for during this time and still continue to do so. Keep going please, and don’t give up. With everything that has happened with all of us during this pandemic, we have to give ourselves credit for what we were able to get through and how we are stronger now than before. There is hope out there. Even if it might seem as if there isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel, things will slowly get better soon. Even if the “normal” we had before might not be the same, I hope there will be a safer better “normal” soon after this pandemic.