Choosing to make a change.

Up Yours middle age.

Forced into a redundancy at 55, followed by a long COVID-19 induced lockdown has made me a tad resentful, I agree.

What was once a defined daily life has now become a struggle to overcome procrastination, depression and burgeoning health issues. The trick is, overcoming these feelings and getting my life back together again.......

That's one big challenge, especially when I don't want to do the things I used to. They, the things I did, were sucking the life out of me.

I found I had, over the years of establishing and co-ordinating my family, lost the essence of something that made me, me. Sure, it was fulfilling at the time, but once the family grows up and moves on, what then? Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed that part of my life….. but I want more.

With an urge to create from an incredibly young age, and perhaps because of a crippling shyness, I found adventure in allowing myself the freedom to delve into my own head to see what things it conjured, surprising even me at times.

My efforts to beat depression, will now be to focus on my creativity once more as I try and bring back that spark that motivated me so all those years ago.

I know I wear too many hats. The family hat, the artists hat, the performers hat, a videographers hat, the writers hat, the entrepreneurs hat….. Under the weight of all those hats I’m suffocating. I can’t think, my mind is numb.

COVID-19 has allowed me to take inventory of my skills and abilities and categorise them into either helpful or frivolous endeavours. Being the optimistic being I am, at least normally, I found not a lot made it into the latter category. Perhaps it is my entrepreneurial spirit that forces me to look at things positively, or maybe I AM as naive as I have been accused of being in the past. I think maybe it comes down to an ability to think alternately.

There is much more to do in this lifetime than I have time for, which is probably why I see myself as a jack-of-all-trades and master of non. So, I guess I need to tell myself to stop procrastinating, snap out of it and fix my health issues before I succumb to them. The power of positive thinking… and all that.

All I know is, I am not going to take the prescribed journey of aging without a struggle.

I have a plan. It goes like this:

1. Find like-minded people. Encourage and motivate each other in your pursuits. It becomes far more enjoyable and puts you on the road to success.

2. Make goals. Small at first, ever increasing. Reward yourself when you achieve them and tell friends and family so that you stay true to your word.

3. Be cheerful, stay positive….. easy most of the time but in those times of difficulty, be strong and guided by your goals. AND, don’t let others pull you down.

4. Learn new things, always. It keeps your mind busy, never let it be idle… because Alzheimer’s is just down that path. (Something my mother is always mindful of )

5. Laugh lots. This one thing I know is lacking in my life as I become too serious in my approach to money matters, especially as I no longer am a bread winner. Let the seriousness go, things have a way of working out.

6. Keep the things you love close by. Your partner, your kids, your pets, your parents, people who mean a lot to you. Say I Love You more often. Enjoy your home, music, hobbies, mementos, nature, it can all have a bearing on your mental health.

7. Look after your health. Seek natural remedies. Your body has a way of repairing itself if given the chance.

8. Be kind to yourself. Avoid anxiety. Avoid that destructive inner voice that beats you down given the chance. I once went bungee jumping. If I can do that, I can do anything.

Middle age is not going to beat me.