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Week 4

By Cori MeltonPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

This week I have learned the fine art of binge watching. This is never a luxury that I have had. I have been sitting down and watching a TV series for the last week. It is a good one, crime, murder, and the good guy wins. It is interesting to me more because it is a show that would never be approved by the community.

My mind is still working out what is approved behavior and what is not. I keep having to remind myself that it is ok, no matter what my choice. No one is judging if I watch tv, or spend an extra hour reading at night. It is ok not to say the prayers that were a normal part of the day in the monastery. There is more to life then living by the rules someone made up.

I do not have to worry about stroking someone else’s ego to make sure that my day goes smoothly. My work is my own. I write, I teach, and I go about my day. My language does not need to be monitored so that I say the right things in the right way. My mistakes and my successes are my own. I am no longer in the situation that no matter my success the attention and praise would be given to someone else. I am no longer blamed for someone else’s failures.

I have also learned that the person who’s control I was under has a long reaching arm. They contacted the place where I work to confirm I am working and tried love bombing me back to a place of abuse and fear. I was able to say no. I was proud of myself for saying no, for not allowing myself to go back to the place I was trapped in.

This week was also learning that I want to make more of a difference in the world. Yet to do so would be going out and doing something different with my life and coming back to the level of teaching I am doing at another time. The student I have now can afford to change themselves and the world around them. They can most all afford the tuition fees that they pay. I want to work with the broken, those who can not afford a good education and give them a leg up in this world. I want to work within their cultures to promote good health, and the freedom that comes with a good education. Not to take away from their heritage but to make sure that it can survive in this ever-changing world. I want so much more then I was told I deserve or could expect from the world. The world owes me nothing. I will have to fight for everything I want and need, but to be able to change the world even a little for the better will be well worth this fight.

I am now searching for a new place to belong. A place that I can help change for the better. A place well outside of the church, or religion so that the change itself is the reward. The advantage is now its not just a game for more brownie points in heaven, but now a real opportunity to grow and be who I am meant to be. Mayhap in all of this, it will rescue others who fill like they have no other options, or are in that dark place that lead me to the cult of which I was a part. There is so much more to life then I ever expected.

healing
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About the Creator

Cori Melton

A survivor, using words to fight injustice, and make a place in the world.

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