Biggest barriers to the re-invention of the self.

‘What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life'? (Mary Oliver).

This quote reminds us of the fleeting nature of our existence and when we are at a turning point in our lives, those moments when events or circumstances have us rethinking, questioning and examining the way we live and work.

Self-limiting beliefs are some of the biggest barriers to reinvention and boxes us in, preventing us from even trying. This leads to a cycle of regret and missed opportunities. We should declare a wholehearted bias towards the possible and our innate potential for transformation.

It may not be easy and may require considerable effort, some good fortune and a shift in mindset.

Dig deep to discover what you want.

Give yourself the time to think about what fulfils you and what might be lacking in your life. To do this properly, you’ll need to look below the surface. We can often be strangers to ourselves. Have you ever had the sense that someone you’re close to is making life unnecessarily difficult for themselves? That you see the route out of their problems more clearly than they do. In the same way, other people may see our destructive patterns of behavior and neuroses more clearly than we do ourselves. Know that anger or fear of change may be at the heart of a lack of reinvention. First we need to recognize this in order to change our behavior.

Taking a good hard look at ourselves is a way to discover and challenge our psychological blind spots, and this takes both time and courage.

Beware of labels

We all have labels placed on us throughout our lives. They can be empowering but often they can be limiting and restrictive. Even if a label is outdated and no longer relevant to you, it can be hard to shed. You may have been told you were shy as a child but now have the ability to speak up and present your ideas, but there’s still an element of you that sees yourself as shy despite evidence to the contrary. Part of reinvention is being prepared to challenge these narratives, to welcome and acknowledge new versions of yourself.

Playing it safe?

To be meaningful, any reinvention will be challenging. You will be moving from a place of comfort and certainty into the unknown. Remember that new opportunities and ventures are meant to push us; in this way they offer us knowledge and experience and the chance to develop.

Don't be reluctant to take the leap. Consciously drive to protect yourself, to keep you safe from rejection or perceived danger. Meeting our fears is a way of growing and overcoming anxiety.

Know when to quit

“Never give up, in order to achieve your dreams.” This might be a phrase that resonates with you. It may even be ingrained. But don’t ignore the value of quitting. In her book Quit, cognitive psychologist and top poker player Annie Duke shows how when faced with tough decisions, people are generally very bad at knowing when to quit. And ultimately, this is what holds us back.

It takes courage to walk away from something that no longer serves you, whether it’s a job where you’re stagnating or relationships that no longer fit with your values, but quitting could ultimately lead to fulfilment.

You can also use quitting as a tool to help ease you into your reinvention. Your new life choices don’t have to be an all-or-nothing situation. You can be flexible; they could come with caveats. Don’t be afraid to walk away if you need to.

Regret can be tool for change

Take the leap . Get clarity.

An old-fashioned pros and cons list will help you. Try listing as many reasons as possible to stay, to quit, the downsides of quitting, and the downsides of staying. This will help galvanize your thoughts and help you work out what’s important to you.

There will be obstacles and setbacks

Know that if you do make the decision to reinvent yourself, things will not necessarily run smoothly. You are likely to encounter obstacles along the way. You may run out of money, your ideas may fail, you or someone you love may get sick, you may face a domestic crisis or a challenging relationship. Reinvention is a process. You may fail but with each failure, you have the opportunity to learn and try again. If you do hit a block, try to be kind to yourself and keep going. It’s your one wild and precious life and you owe it to yourself.

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Excerpts from story by Dr. Susan Kahn/The Evening Standard

Dr Susan Kahn is a business psychologist and author of Reinvent Yourself.