Believe in Yourself

I saw quite a few posts on here about various mental illnesses and things to try if you felt depressed or had anxiety.

Let me level with you. It's not going away easy but as I write to you, I am suffering the same dark thoughts I had six years ago... How am I carrying on? Let me tell you my story and maybe, just maybe, I can help one person.

I have been through a lot in my short amount of years on this earth. I have lost people and lost myself at some points, but I'm still here and that I put down to one thing and one thing only. I BELIEVED... When no one else did, I believed in myself and pushed hard against everything holding me back and I won't lie, it was not easy!

I fought hard as a kid to be a better person and yet there was always something holding me back... My past: I have been raped, mentally and physically abused in a relationship, forced abortion to then a miscarriage, and I watched my best friend kill himself.

Gory details spared, I struggled to come to terms with all this and I still do. This is the first time I have openly admitted these things. I never came forward because I was too afraid of what people would say. Every night I'm haunted by nightmares as I feel and relive what happened.

Let me tell you straight... no matter what happened to you, no matter how bad it gets, remember this.

You are your own entity. You may think the world is against you but it's not. You may feel everyone is looking at you... They probably are, but not for the reason you think. A lady spoke to me recently about my confidence and how with everything thrown at me, I can ooze through it the way I do. It's simple, I learnt not to care about what other people think, but about what I think of myself and how long it took me to get to that point!

I am confident to a point. I don't let what happened define me and when things get tough, I sit on a cold surface or outside on wet grass and feel the earth underneath me. I ground myself and I let myself drift to a single good memory in all the bad. I picture a face or a smile I saw that day, or maybe a pretty flower, then watch as eventually my mood lifts.

YOU are perfect the way you are, your smile is exceptional, you are brave for going through all the shit you go through, and trust me when I say you are never selfish but brave, strong, and inspirational.

You may not have the confidence to speak up but there are people like me out there who will sit and listen and won't give you crappy advice about what you should do but ask "what can I do to help?" or "is there anything you need?" You shouldn't be afraid to come forward but you should surround yourself with people who aren't afraid to ask "are you actually ok?" and then help when you need it.

Whoever you are, trust me when I say there's light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes it's better to make your own light on your way to it.