Being Rejected and Not Feeling Awful About It

We all deal with rejection in our lives. Whether it be un-reciprocated feelings in the love department, or rejection from what you hoped to be a potential employer, it can be a challenging thing to deal with.

Although I am nearly 20 years old, I've recently had one of my first experiences with a deep, hurtful incident of rejection. You might be calling my bluff right now, but its true! I really haven't dabbled enough in the dating scene to get rejected and be hurt by it. As far as jobs and other opportunities go, I have always been an over achiever. Not to say that I get everything I set my mind to, but I was used to reaching my goals. Come my junior year of university, and things aren't as 'easy' as they used to be. I have been applying constantly for summer internships, jobs, and freelance work in the hopes of bolstering my resume in time for graduation. Unfortunately, I have been met with one rejection after another; and as many college students, the idea of not having a credible resume and work history come your liberation from the education system can be a very scary thing. So, one might imagine my grand disappointment in not landing the positions that I thought I was so deserving of. Before you go and think that I am pretentious for that last sentence, you should know that I really am not as full of myself as I sound. After I got over the initial embarrassment, shock, and defeat of being rejected, I actually learned a couple of important lessons. I think, or more so hope, that by sharing what I've learned, I can help someone else at least a little.

Lesson #1- Maybe you're not that bad.

There was a job that I thought I had absolutely bagged. After two interviews with the employers, they decided to go another way with little explanation. My initial thought was: what is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? I was sure that had to be the reason I was rejected. I simply wasn't good enough for them. After enough time to reflect, a little something clicked for me. The most reasonable explanation isn't that we are rejected for not being good enough, but instead that we are rejected because we aren't the right fit. Although, that may sound redundant, there is some clarity that accompanies this idea. When you ask your long time crush out and they say no only to go and date someone else, it isn't because you aren't good enough. Its only that the other person is a better fit. While you could surpass your peers or romantic rivals in many areas, the still may be better suited for that position or partner. So, maybe you aren't that bad after all. You are just aren't a perfect fit.

Lesson #2- When one door closes....

another one opens! As cliché as that sounds, I have never in my life known it to be so true. After being rejected from a plethora of freelance writing gigs, I've been given an opportunity elsewhere. Now, this isn't to say that this will always happen and you should just wait for things to come to you. What I hope that you will take-away is that what you're looking for usually isn't where you are looking. I hope that mantra makes as much sense in words as it did in my mind, but I think you'll get the point.

Lesson #3- Rejection is not a reflection.

Being rejected is not a reflection of your work ethic or ability to do well in a particular setting! Your rejection by a romantic interest, employer, school, etc. is not dependent only on you. Yes, you are an important factor in the equation. However, you have to remember that with every choice that a person makes, there are a universe of factors pushing down on their shoulders. Sure, it could be true that an employer rejected you because you have a weak handshake. But it could be that they rejected you because of your weak handshake AND that the other candidate is their cousin's, wife's, nephew's, bestfriend. If you ask someone on a date and they say no, maybe its because they aren't interested. Another scenario, might be that they aren't interested AND they want to focus on their personal development and not dating. Point is, rejection is a hodgepodge of infinite factors; many of which have nothing to do with you.

Lesson #4- Literally, get over it.

When you apply to a job and are slapped with the sting of rejection, put some ice on that baby and move on! As harsh as it sounds, no one ever accomplished anything by pouting about what they failed at. If you don't get the job, the date, the scholarship, whatever! There is much to be said about a person who can be rejected, learn from it, and begin again. So take a lesson from me and don't cry over spilled milk.... just by another gallon.