Behind the Emotions

Have you ever had one of those days when your emotions feel so powerful they practically become your reality? I’ve been there—actually, I’ve been there a lot lately. It all started when I stumbled on some research by Dr. Kristen Lindquist at UNC Chapel Hill. Her findings kinda blew my mind: our emotions can take over and color everything around us, almost like we’re wearing tinted glasses that make the world look a certain way. It’s wild, right? Let me tell you a little story about when I was completely convinced that my feelings were the absolute truth. I remember arguing with a friend about something silly—maybe where we should eat, or which movie to watch. In my head, I was absolutely certain my perspective was “correct,” and I couldn’t fathom how my friend didn’t see things the same way. But here’s the kicker: our emotions aren’t actually these universal, straightforward experiences. According to Lindquist, they’re shaped by culture, just like art or language. We all have the basic hardware to feel—like the wiring is there from birth—but the way our emotions show up? That’s heavily influenced by where and how we grew up. Think of your brain as a constant prediction machine. It uses your past experiences, cultural upbringing, and whatever else you’ve got stored in the ol’ memory bank to guess what’s happening around you. What’s crazy is that these cultural experiences can literally change how your neurons process stuff! So when two people look at the exact same event—like, say, a family gathering or a tense meeting at work—they can walk away with totally different emotional takeaways. Now, there’s a concept called “shooter bias” that really made me pause. When someone’s super worked up or anxious, they might perceive a harmless object as a gun. Their heightened emotions make them see threats that aren’t actually there. It’s kinda terrifying to think that your emotional state can literally alter your vision of reality. Talk about your brain playing tricks on you. But I think the most fascinating part is how different cultures deal with the same emotion in totally different ways. Take anger. In the U.S., getting angry often means you’re asserting yourself—basically saying, “Hey, back off!” or “You crossed a line!” But in Japan, anger has a different meaning—it’s more about realizing the group’s harmony has been disturbed and trying to fix that. And guess what? These differences show up in our bodies, too. Americans often have higher levels of inflammation when they’re angry, but Japanese folks don’t experience that same spike. That’s pretty mind-blowing if you ask me. Speaking of stereotypes, gender comes into play in a major way. We’ve all heard it: women get labeled as “too emotional,” while men are told to “man up.” Not only are these labels annoying, but they can be outright dangerous. Women experiencing real heart attack symptoms, for example, are sometimes dismissed as just being anxious. On the flip side, men often feel pressure to hide emotions like sadness or fear and only show the ones that are “acceptable,” like anger or pride. We’re missing a whole range of emotional expression thanks to these rigid expectations, and that’s a real shame. Language itself also shapes how we feel. Did you know only about 22% of languages have a direct equivalent of our English word “fear”? And for “surprise,” it’s just 13%! It doesn’t mean people in those cultures aren’t scared or surprised—it’s just that they categorize and talk about these feelings differently. Some cultures might describe what someone does when they’re scared, rather than naming the emotion with a single word. That definitely made me think twice about the power of language. Here’s another tidbit: the phenomenon sometimes called “Resting Bitch Face.” (Funny how we don’t hear a term like “Resting Jerk Face” for men, right?) Turns out even our interpretation of facial expressions is influenced by culture. In one study, Chinese and British participants noticed completely different movements in digital avatars that indicated emotions. That means what might look like annoyance to one group could pass as a neutral expression to another. This all reminds me of a story a researcher shared. She was in a café in Japan, feeling really uncomfortable because no one was looking at her, even though she clearly stood out as a foreigner. In her American context, she expected curious glances or maybe a welcoming smile. But in Japan, staring is considered rude. It’s such a perfect illustration of how our cultural norms shape both our emotions and what we expect from other people’s behavior. At the end of the day, we can’t actually know for sure what’s going on in someone else’s mind. And you know what? That’s totally okay. Instead of assuming everyone experiences emotions the exact same way we do, maybe we should lean into curiosity. Ask questions, be open, and recognize that each person is bringing their own background and perspective to the table. Whether it’s a different country, a different religion, or a different political leaning, there’s a whole emotional world behind those eyes we’re looking into. Honestly, I find it kind of beautiful that each of us has our own emotional “lens” through which we see life. Instead of viewing our differences as obstacles, maybe we can treat them like invitations to learn something new. After all, when we combine all these different emotional viewpoints, we get a much richer and more complete picture of what it means to be human. And who wouldn’t want that?