BEAUTY vs CHAOS

So, what is it? Are we living in a time full of madness, dishonesty—chaos? Or, are we experiencing innovation, growth—beauty? Is the world ending or is it simply evolving?

I stumbled upon this dilemma when my economist sister, franticly rambled on about the hopelessness around us, the injustices in society, and the grim future that awaits us as we continue to live in such an uncertain time. Over the past few months, we have seen, listened to and read about a common enemy, an enemy who attacks all of humanity regardless of race, religion or geographic location. For the first time in history, the human race is at war with an enemy who knows no boarders, no limits, no negotiations. A remarkable war between humankind and nature.

But humanity already survived attacks of this nature (pun intended). Remember the ice age? It is not the first time earth has threatened us with a larger natural change. However, in our recent past natural forces only include hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. Natural threats which were limited to a specific location or climate. Never, since the ice age, has mother nature viciously threatened all of humanity at once.

I may be comparing distant events to one common theme, and I must admit that I am no expert on natural science. I just can’t shake off my natural instincts telling me that what is going on today is way bigger than humanity, bigger than anything our current generations have ever lived through. Maybe all of this will blow over in a month or two, but maybe it won’t. Maybe this is the new ice age and all we can do is adapt and “join the dance”.

My sister is an economist, recently graduated from The New School of Economics in NYC. She reads the news religiously, and her favorite music group is the NPR Podcast. I can feel her agitated emotions even when she’s simply enjoying her breakfast—her unshakeable feeling of chaos in the world is taking over her completely. When speaking of the pandemic, she speaks with a hysterical, intelligent, yet fearful voice—she’s terrified. Could it be that all of the negative content feeding her senses is consuming her internally? The economy is going under, the unemployment rate is at an all-time high, people are hungry, desperate, suffering from anxiety and depression while isolated—and these people aren't even the virus' victims. As a generation, we’re affected directly. Some spreading the virus, others spreading terror, in the end; we’re all sick.

My sister and I live together, yet we live completely different realities. Her eyes are showered by the economic crisis and social inequality, while mine blindly stare out the window. I’m choosing to be as distant from the news as possible, while she shoves her focus towards it. I started meditating, writing, drawing, and even cooking. All hobbies which are excluded from my normal life, the life which stayed in early March before the pandemic took my job. My sister now works from home, reads the news, listens to NPR, and watches “Last Week Tonight”. Of course, we both do other things too, but these are the daily trends.

When she expressed her passionate hate towards how f**ed society was, not only due to the pandemic, but long gone due to our corporate culture, I couldn’t help but cover my ears to shield her negativity from entering my Zen mindset. I wanted to shake her and tell her that everything would be okay, but there was no way her heated economist debate was going to let my pacifist words through. Who was I, anyway, to tell her that everything would be okay? We live completely different lives, seasoned by different content, and with a different pandemic experience.

I lost my job because I worked in an events office. Not only are social gatherings temporarily prohibited, but my position was entry-level, aka; disposable. I knew my job would be affected by Covid-19 as soon as the news came out about Italy going under. Living in NYC, I knew that it was only a matter of time before we were up in flames like Italy. I was shocked at how slow everything happened, but I am very low-key grateful. I lost my job, lost my responsibilities, my routine, my day to day mentality—everything. I was free! And I didn’t even have to quit. Sure, I live in a cheap apartment and have no kids to feed, so my life is light. Unemployment benefits cover my rent and groceries—but only because of the new laws, normally unemployment is an insult to anyone trying to survive in the USA.

So, there I am, first week of the pandemic, and I am living the dream; catching up on series, calling my long distance family and friends, and overall in a limbo phase. To be honest, I did go through a mini-spiral where my head was filled with terror, just as the New York Times ordered, and I believed, too, that the world was ending. Maybe it's because of my new reality that I am able to explore, interpret, and discover what truly is going on in the world. Something I had no time to do during my previous life, a life before corona.

With much meditation and some conspiring, I found a comforting answer to all this mess. I will repeat, I am no scientist, but I like to think that I’m right. I believe mother nature is balancing herself out. Humankind has been nothing but inconsiderate to her throughout our existence. It’s not like we knew what we were doing wrong, humans were simply trying to survive. All what harms the planet, is a human invention—a representation of human intelligence and innovation—our most fascinating characteristic as a species. Cars, airplanes, factories, plastic, oil all at our reach because the earth revealed it, and gave us the resources, but humans took advantage of it. Mother nature made humans, so in a way she really is the one responsible for the climate damage. And now, she’s just healing, that’s all.

I like to think of the earth as its own being, we are the energy that keeps her alive, along with plants and animals, while her immune system is climate. Climate regulates temperature, waters plants when they need growth, and deprives lands of water when other areas of the world need it for survival or evolution. It is all a large-scale balance between a number of factors that keep the earth alive. Humans contribute, and were meant to contribute a number of things. But instead, somewhere along the way, our brains created ego, entitlement and concepts of private land, consumerism, materialism, and capitalism. A lot of things which hurt mother nature in the long run. Did mother nature generated a virus, an antibody against human overpopulation? Maybe she is just fighting back this fever called global warming. Maybe humans were not to reproduce so quickly and deprive the world of its resources; the earth is slightly off balance. Or, maybe, this is another obstacle in the continuous process of natural selection where mother nature is testing to see who is the fittest, and who is expendable. Similar to how I lost my job—a nonessential worker, has to go.

The earth is far smarter than humankind, all science has revealed are discoveries of nature, not complete answers. Science is the translation of the natural world to our understanding capabilities. This means that we only know as much as we have discovered through science, there will come new laws and theories in the future. Who’s to say my theory isn’t one of them? (said my ego).

As harsh, and terrible as the thought of natural selection may be, that might just be what we’re witnessing today. This is the earth’s way of telling us “you’re not in control, you’re working too much, and you need to calm tf down”. She reminds us that we do not know everything, so we are not prepared for anything we haven’t discovered or looked for already. We are working too much; we are too stressed and angry and hopeless, consumed by our own creation of ideas; capitalism, materialism, consumerism, and social status, among a few. All concepts foreign to natural laws.

Moreover, we need to take a break! It’s about time we’re forced to sit still and go a little crazy inside of our heads. For too long, we’ve been subject to ideas that don’t benefit our wellbeing, we worry too much about this game called “human life”. We live in a world ruled by social judgement, ruled by people who know little to nothing, but know exactly what to say to those who want exact answers. It’s a huge illusion.

I wanted to know why I was enjoying this quarantine so much, and found a simple answer. Mother Nature needs this from us, she needs humans to stop generating unnecessary stress, and to look out the window more often, enjoy the extra time to relax, or explore the practice of relaxation, or to catch up on sleep, at least! She wants us to take a beat.

What I realized through these understandings, was that I wasn’t happy with my “normal” life. I mean I wasn’t miserable, but my lifestyle and work life was lifeless, it means little to me. Nothing against the work itself, it’s more of a personal realization. I had been chasing all these dreams which were driven mostly by my ego, that I forgot to listen to myself. This illusion of what my life should look like, and strive to be, was just that—an illusion. So what gives it meaning? I don’t know, but I shall keep exploring until I find that answer, too.

For the first time in a long time, I had no schedule, no worries and no commitments. At first this generated a world of anxiety and uneasiness, so I would turn to the news—turn to whoever could give me questions to ask and answers to follow. I was so lost in the game, that I forgot how to be alone, how to pass the time without judgement, I went back to my infant ways where all you do is whatever your mind wants—if I want to read, I read; if I’m bored, I’m bored; and if I’m tired I sleep. Simple motions, not too simple for troubled adults.

We have to accept the change, and we have to adapt, there is no getting out of it any other way. But, we can choose how we welcome our new life. I think there are two ways to enter this emerging era. We can either; worry about the economy, and society and the terrible aftermath that is bound to follow; or, we can watch it happen, and simply “join the dance”, as my man Alan Watts says,

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”.

Change is happening, people are dying and our oceans are cleaner than they’ve been in years. Society is anxious, isolated and terrorized—yet our skies are visible! Nature is flourishing this spring in a way that can only be explained as a miracle, a terrorizing and cruel miracle. People are worried, losing their jobs, and struggling with social distancing restrictions. But we have to remember that we belong to a bigger world than the one we generate through our eyes. This world is ruthless, and tough, this world gives and takes lives. So which life will we choose to see?

Beauty or chaos?

As part of human society, it’s going to be chaos.

But, as a part of humankind, undeniable beauty.