Be Happy, Be Humble
How To Be Happy When All Else Is Falling Apart
Forgiving someone who is not sorry is one of the strongest things a person can do. There is this quote "I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who was not sorry"—Unknown. I have not related to something so much in my life as I do this quote. I have been in a lot of smaller situations where forgiving someone who wasn't sorry was not that big of a deal, you know that "sorry" you get told and you can just hear the attitude and anger in it. You know that they are not truly sorry, but you take it with a grain of salt and just push it aside. Once they have officially hurt me more than words can express, I realized hanging on to the hurt and resentment was hurting me more than it was hurting them.
Have you heard the saying, "Forgive but not forget"? Well that translates to, just because you forgive someone, does not mean you have to let your guard back down and let them hurt you all over again, in fact, that would be very redundant wouldn't it?
- Accept that you may never get this apology. The hardest part in forgiving is not getting the apology, but we have to accept that and that will be the longest step. If you don't get through this step, the rest will not fall into their place in helping you.
- Learn their past. Think about their past, childhood trauma, or issues. More than likely that is where it stems from. So while we can be angry at them, we cannot change them. And if we can't change them, is it our place to be at the short end of the stick? Change does not happen over night and it may never happen, even if they want to because their past is all they know. They've been hurt in their lives and they choose to deal with it by projecting it onto you. It doesn't make them any less human, it makes them wounded. It's easier to empathize than it is to hate
- Acknowledge your fault. Think about what role you played in the situation that brought this about. This is not about making excuses for their reaction. Apologize for what you did wrong and at the very least it makes you the bigger person. Remember, you tried to talk about the situation.
- Stay humble, be happy. Stop talking about it as drama, if you are like me and live in a small town, you are bound to get a earful of what is being said about you, as hard as it may be, ignore it. Instead of bitching and moaning about it, say, "Well I am sorry they feel that way" because in the end you know the truth. It's not a fun feeling to see good things happen to someone who you're mad at both because you are secretly hoping for bad things for them and the second layer that entails not wishing harm on others. Whenever you have a bad thought, congratulate them on their victories regardless or if that's too hard, keep the kindness going. You're not a bad person for wishing harm, you're someone who was hurt and doesn't know how to cope with the pain. But always remember, the universe will give back what you give out. Also, karma is a real thing and they will get what they deserve when the time is right, it is not your job to say when or how.
- Come to terms with the outcome. People who let their relationship slip away don't deserve your love and affection. Remind yourself of that daily and then end it with a list of 5+ positive things that the end has brought with it, even the small ones.
Remember, do not judge someone just because they sin differently than you do.