Be Calmer - You’re Not in Control, Accept It

Most of the time we think we want to be able to control everything around us.

If we have a problem, a small problem or a more complicated one, we think we must have the power to solve it.

To be able to make sure things goes the direction we want it’s the only way we feel powerful.

But where does that take us? What do we do in those situations?

We rush to make decisions and when things do not result as expected we feel frustration.

We feel we were unable to deliver what was expected — expected from others or expected from ourselves.

Maybe we should consider rethinking this attitude. We can never be absolutely sure we are making the right decision.

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience." - Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

The truth is that we are not the master of the universe, so we don’t have to control everything. And we also can’t do it, so it is much better to accept it once for all than to feel frustration.

We can only (maybe…) become masters of our own lives. And controlling (or being aware) of our thoughts, of our emotions, of our body, that’s already a huge task.

So, maybe we should start there — maybe that should become our main concern — instead of trying to control or change the entire world.

When we feel too agitated, when we feel too emotional, when we feel lost, if we rush to make decisions we will probably go in the wrong direction.

We end up making bad choices just because we feel that — in that type of situations — we have the obligation to do something.

In moments of great stress, instead of immediately trying to do something, the best attitude probably will be just to STOP.

In those situations, just try to stop for a while, take a deep breath, maybe close your eyes for one minute or two.

Then, look back into what is worrying you, into the situation you are facing, and consider the possibilities, what you can do about it (or not to do).

You may discover this practice, using these little moments of pause, can help you to see clearly, and assist you to choose wisely the direction you want to follow.

It's true that we can and we should learn from the decisions we make, but that requires time, not rush.

Spencer Fraseur explained this idea very clearly:

“Some choices are better than others and we, as mortal humans, cannot be expected to always choose the best ones. What we can control is how we evaluate past decisions. Our readiness to reflect and realize that we were wrong. Our ability to admit our wrongs and move forward. To say we are sorry or make amends for mistakes. To apply what we’ve learned from past follies and choose wiser in the present. I contend that in a random and often chaotic world of choices, that is what we can control.” - Spencer Fraseur, The Irrational Mind: How To Fight Back Against The Hidden Forces That Affect Our Decision Making

Time to stop is essential to make a good decision in the present moment.

Time to look back is essential to keep improving our chances to make better decisions in the future.