Awake

Transcending into sleep there is a moment of conscious release... All the thoughts and worries of the day, with the hope of tomorrow, and a release of simple gratitude for all things that made the day possible... sending what no longer serves me into the dark matter of the universe. Closing my eyes as I drift into a much-needed slumber of solitude. Sleep is just as important as any other element of discovery. For when you sleep, you heal, you process, you connect, you forgive, you unconsciously embrace... everything and the possibilities in everything.

In the stealth of the night, as the wind carries the cold. Nestled deep in the comfort of my blankets pulled up over my nose. My thoughts begin to wander off into a world of imagination mixed with the efforts of life, creating a plethora of thoughts yet to be told. I weep, worry, wait, make new lists, compiled with old with the help and efforts of my memory palace to help me remember.... Trying not to loop in the soul sucking thoughts that life can toss around, as the more you submerge yourself in any story, it soon becomes your truth. I create, I count... then I surrender to sleep... the land of the z's where everything seems possible beneath the layers of a blanket covered sheet.

Only to be startled awake by the brief memory of my entire night summed up into one unforgettable moment of my recurring dream: but before I could recall the details of my familiar haunting of the night, I'm pulled to the reality of the clammy dampness pooling below almost as if it was soaking into another dimension of reality, as my thoughts ignited, it shifted my awareness, waking my reality, alerting my consciousness, and suddenly I’m awake with chills and labored breathing. My face damp from marinating in my own pool of tears and sweat. I was me! I couldn't help but to be overjoyed by the silhouettes that lay still next to me... in the dark shadows of the night, I saw with my heart, the two people that meant more to me than anything. I witnessed my heart beating outside my body, in the bodies of these two beautiful humans. I was home, they were mine, and we were safe. Nothing else mattered.

As I lay there still with my own thoughts, an uninterrupted stream of tears rolled off my cheek into the puddles on the pillow below. I wonder if maybe the barn owl perched in my dreams was reminding me of flight, stealth, or even my own memento vivere.... As he navigates the darkness and the unknown by his own incredible senses and memories of life. Maybe, just maybe, I'm the one creating the haunting all along, and his unparalleled beauty is anything I create, allowing undiscovered truths and transitions to emerge from a familiar past. Giving a new meaning to an old story and a new beginning to a new ending... As meaning will shift over a lifetime of understanding.

Laying still, wide eyed, and engaged in deep meaningful thought. I changed. In that moment my reoccurring nightmare that I gave so much fear and power to, faded away into a new appreciation. I allowed new meaning to surface; I gave new thought to what already exists. And in that moment of time, I gave power to myself to change the course of thoughts that once had power over me. It all made sense… My wings are my thoughts and I can fly any direction I choose. I didn’t even need to tell a soul, as my renewed thought pattern will carry an energy of its own.

And for the barn owl, he is my very own reminder of Memento mori. Believing our brightest light comes from our darkest place.