Are You Stuck in an Unending Battle with Expectations

Having expectations can be helpful as they give a sense of motivation and direction. However, you underestimate the power of expectations on your thoughts. Expectations (your own or others) can influence your thoughts too much. Giving into expectations can be detrimental to your personal wellbeing.

Expectations make you pretend that things will go your way which leads to unnecessary stress. You must do things because you want to, not because of the outcomes you want to achieve. The process is important than the results. If you focus on the process, then you won't worry about the consequences vis-a-vis expectations.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Without further ado, let's dive into the reasons for this never-ending battle with expectations.

1. Lack of self-compassion

Unfulfilled expectations tend to make you feel guilty and think of you and your talents as worthless.

When my expectations were not met, I made myself feel guilty and a worthless piece of sh*t who doesn't deserve anything. The problem was not having expectations but having too high expectations.

I know that you are an ambitious person. You constantly strive to do better in life. But take a pause to think for a moment that doing better is not worth it if you cannot enjoy life along the way.

Being productive is a nice thing to have in your arsenal but you have to be careful at what cost this productivity is being achieved.

What to do?

• Tell/Write positive things - Never underestimate the power of positivity. It comes in handy when facing failure. Write down positive things about yourself whenever facing any loss. Remind yourself about the positive aspects of your personality.
• Find things that make you feel self-compassion. Do things that make you feel love for yourself. It is a positive reinforcement technique.

2. Feeling entitled

When you set high expectations of yourself, you might feel entitled.

If you are a creator and putting your work out in the world, you may feel that people should come to your creations and praise you.

If you are slacking off on your day job or not giving time to your loved ones, you may feel entitled that your supervisor or loved ones should understand because you are devoting your time and energy to something bigger.

What to do?

Think and reflect on your behaviors. Reconcile with the fact that your loved ones are more important than anything else. Remember how you put food on the table. Don't kick (figuratively) your bread provider by slacking off.

3. Overestimation of your skills

Not achieving your goals instantly creates internal conflict. I understand that the goal you are working towards is important to you. If you have worked towards any dream in the past and you have achieved it, it can give you a false sense of your abilities.

Without a proper assessment of your skills, embarking upon a new adventure can prove to be fatal. It is always good to have confidence in your skills but expecting too much of them can lead to high expectations.

What to do?

Before starting, any new endeavor, sit and reflect on the skills required and the skills you possess. Determine if you can sustain the said endeavor without affecting your wellbeing. Give yourself time to prepare.

4. Thinking your 100% is not enough

A life ruled by expectations can make every day a struggle. You might criticize yourself too harshly over a failure, feel disappointed, and want to give up.

The comparison with others leads to doubting your own skillset. Thinking that if only you could replicate what somebody else has already done, but you couldn't because you are not as skilled.

What to do?

• Have Self-affirmation about your skills - You know your skills. Indeed, Create things using your talent, put them out in the world, and let them do their magic. Forget about how people will react to it. Remember that you are doing these things because you have the skill to do them, and you enjoy doing them.
• If you think you gave your 100% to any task at hand, then remember you did your best. You can only control what you do and think, not what others do and think. Life is a game of patience.

5. Unwilling to adapt/unlearn

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.

- Albert Einstein

After facing failure, do you change your strategy before retrying? If no, then you are stubborn. You do not want to change. You want results from an unsuccessful way. The quote above that puts you in the category of insane. You can't keep on watering cement and expect a plant to grow out of it.

The only thing constant in life is change.

There needs to be eagerness in you to learn and grow instead of sticking to your own way of doing things even if they aren't working.

What to do?

• Sometimes, it is essential to unlearn past experiences so that future experiences can take home in your mind. It is almost analogous to not clinging to the past because it worked that one time. Learn to evolve.
• Even after unlearning your past ways, you are not meeting your expectations; then, it is time to reevaluate your expectations and adjust them accordingly.

6. Highly influenced by others

Your own expectations can be challenging to navigate, but if you are carrying others' expectations, then there is a high chance you might be feeling a mountain-like burden on your shoulders. If you don't dwell in your thoughts but keep listening to what others have to say, then your expectations don't stem from the right place.

Before starting any new task, do you read and watch what others have done, then you are not allowing your own ideas to seep into the journey to the destination.

What to do?

• Spending time alone with your thoughts is crucial to be mentally healthy. Keep telling yourself that you are a human being, not a machine. You can't be the best at everything you do. You don't need to replicate what others have done.
• Define your own success. Please don't listen to what others have to say about your goals; make your own path and walk it.

It will take time to change your mindset and learn how to manage your expectations better. Your duty for better well-being is to adapt your expectations to your needs, not the other way around.

Nothing is worth the cost of your mental or physical health. If anything is comprising them, then rethink your choices. Remember that you can only give your 100%, and sometimes that might not be enough. But it would be best if you learned to let go and keep on doing the work you enjoy. You push yourself to such an extent with your expectations that you stop enjoying the work.

Remember you started to work on this because you enjoy it.

Thank you for reading!