Anger #3

My anger.

Anger - A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, hostility.

Anger has been the downfall and a burden for most of my life. I've been dealing with this thing called "anger" ever since I was a youngin and boy has It impacted my life a shit ton. It's wicked how one mental problem can Impact so much on your life.

Growing up for me well I thought It was quite a normal childhood, well unfortunately It wasn't. Growing up around adults who partied all the time, who fought all the time, who yelled at me all the time, Growing up getting bullied, teased, triggered something within me that made me so angry all the time. In yr 4 or 5 was when I started to lose It on people who bullied me, It wasn't protecting myself well... because I started on them first, I was the bully In this situation. I started talking back and started to disrespect my elders and my family way more, I had the worst arguments with my nan's I regret everything. When my nan (my mum's nan) moved In with us me and her argued a lot, so much I was only allowed outside my room while my nan slept. I was so traumatised from everything that I randomly went of at my nan, I honestly regret everything I said and did to her. I even went so far of arguing with her when she was sick and dying. It hit me hard when she passed away, because I was so disrespectful to her. This made me even build more anger within myself, This made me turn more Into a beast Into a monster.

My parents moved us to a town called Keri Keri after my nan passed, honestly I thought this was a really positive moving to a new town having a fresh start In life. It was the best move we have done, but It did not tame the beast. I made a lot of friends, played a lot of sport, everything was great until I started hanging out with people who really wasn't the best people to hang out with. I did It because I wanted to be more cooler, I wanted more friends. They invited me to do drugs all the time like weed, acid, mushrooms, It didn't make me feel any better at all. It made me feel more mad then happy, well that's what I get for doing drugs. I made so many enemies while I lived In Keri, everytime I use to go to parties or different towns I would have at least two fights. I fought so much I found It so fun and addicting, adding anger to your fights are not good. I hurt so many people and I can admit I found amusing, beating up the people who talked shit, who disliked me, who backstabbed, who hurt one of the bro's, my anger also didn't help In any of these situation. My anger took over straight away when someone or something flared up. People use to tell me to think before you do action, they didn't understand how hard It was to do that, I was always consumed with anger, It always took over. Keri was the best place I lived I still enjoyed living their but the bad things I did there I regret. My parents knew what me and my brother was doing, and they didn't want us to grow up being bums or dickheads, so they decided on moving to australia for a fresh start, honestly It was the best decision they ever made.

We moved to Kaitaia for a short while before we flew over to australia. I thought Kaitaia was going to be an amazing place to live, but It wasn't. Kaitaia college the worst college ever, the amount of fights that happen In the college Is crazy. Worst thing Is that I made friends with people who were bad and did crazy shit, but I felt protected I felt protected from people who tried hurting me, oh that was a lot of people who tried hurting me It wasn't good. I was In so much fights and I verbally hurted people, My anger enjoyed every single bit of It, but I didn't I just wanted to leave and get away from Kaitaia. I begged to my mum all the time to just hurry up and leave, all of my brothers hated It. The day came and was I happy that I did.

Kambalda a town In the middle of nowhere. I currently live here, It may not be the best place to live but Its not the reason why I like this place. I went to KDHS, It was no better than Kaitaia College. It was really bad. Their was also a good outcome out of It, I met this beautiful wonderful person named Narissa Wingate-Connor. She was my cure, she was my happiness, she was my everything. I fought for her (literally fought for her) I loved her that much... She stopped me from doing what's wrong and do what's right. She made me so happy, she treated me really good, but I didn't treat her so good, I verbally abused her and loud and really hurt her because of my anger. I hurted her so bad that she got scared from It. I didn't want this for her, I really didn't, so I've been trying my hardest to become better at controlling my anger for her so I stop lashing out at her Instead I want to just be calm and talk to her. She's helped me so much and I love her so much, she's made me Into a better person and she really helped me In controlling this anger. I've been way better at controlling It now but I'm not 100% and since me and my wonderful partner Is going to be having a daughter I really want to Improve for both of them. My journey doesn't end here, I've still got a long way to go.

For people who are suffering, It does get better everything doe's so keep thriving, keep your head high, and smile.