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An Open Letter to My Friend Who Thinks She's Not Enough

by Barbara Spoor 4 years ago in healing
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You are more than enough.

It broke my heart to hear you say, “I just don't think I'm pretty enough.” I wish you could see the world through my eyes, because when I look at you, I see strength, and perseverance. I see an independent woman who has been hurt, but who has grown. I see a woman that has overcome more obstacles than any stranger walking down the street could ever know. Do you realize the value that you carry with you?

As I grow older, I realize how tricky life can truly be. It doesn't feel like it was too long ago that our roles were reversed. You were the one that helped lift me up, when I couldn't even bear to stand on my own. You were there for me with kind and encouraging words. I guess it puts your pain into perspective for me to know that you were once that person that picked me up, and now you are just unsure of your own worthiness. I never imagined it would make my heart so heavy to hear those words come from someone else.

This thing called life, that we are all trying to figure out, can make us crazy sometimes. Love seems to make us even crazier. One thing I can promise you is that it's all going to get easier. You're going to find so much light and happiness from this world one day, that you will think back on this time and be grateful for it all. You will see the beauty in the pain, and the reasons you had to endure it. I know your pain is as real as it gets, and I'm not trying to tell you to stop feeling. I'm just hoping you might change your own perspective, and see things just a little bit differently from here on out.

I was that girl for so long. I never felt like who I was would be enough for anybody. I didn't feel like my body was up to the standards of the modern world. I didn't feel I would ever be given a chance in anything because I wasn't skinny enough, or pretty enough, or “cool” enough, whatever that even means. Beauty, and all of the other stuff in between, is honestly measured by our own caliber. The only reason we think we have to impress people is because we allow ourselves to think that we really do have to impress people. In actuality, our beauty and worth comes from the quality of life that we lead. The good things that we do for the world, for our loved ones, and for ourselves.

I want you to know that you are your own unique first class work of art. There is no need to compare yourself to others, ever. Your individual beauty is worth more than any other thing on earth. Once you embrace that, it will amaze you how everything about your life dramatically increases in quality. Don't worry about what other people are wearing. Don't worry about how other people look. Don't worry about what they're doing. Don't worry about who is getting married and having children. The only thing you need to worry about is what you're doing to make yourself happy, and all of your wildest dreams come true. You only need to worry about living the best life you could possibly live for yourself.

I watched a video recently, and I wish I could remember where it was so I could credit them, but I can't remember for the life of me. A woman sat down on a couch with another woman and asked the other woman to tell her about the things she beats herself up over on a regular basis. Next, she pulled out a photo of that woman when she was a child, and asked her to say to those same things to that child in the photo, her younger self. None of the women could do it, because all they wanted to do was nurture that child, and tell her how unstoppable she could be.

The next time you get the thought in your head that you aren't good enough, I hope that you will remember this, and I hope that you will imagine your younger self. I hope that you will use your words wisely, and treat yourself the way you would treat your younger self. I know you would tell that girl to always pick herself back up when she falls down. I know that you would tell that girl that she is beautiful, regardless of anyone else's opinion, and I know that you would tell her that even if they have those opinions, they are completely irrelevant to her life. I know you would tell that girl to never stop chasing every dream she has, and to always love with all of her heart. Most importantly, I know you would tell that girl to never ever feel like she isn't enough, because you know her true worth is priceless.

If you ever find that you can't find the strength to tell that girl all of those things, always remember that I am here for you. I will never allow you to forget how worthy you truly are. You are more than enough.


About the author

Barbara Spoor

I write about real-life experiences in love, loss, travel, and dream chasing.

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