A Whole Year

An entire year of living a completely different way than any of us were used to has gone by, somehow to quickly and not fast enough. Things are beginning to genuinely look up, but that doesn’t take away from the devastation we have all faced.

As a 20 something, I mourn the loss of plans with friends that couldn’t happen, experiences I had planned out that won’t come up fruition anymore, the traveling I could’ve done, the memories I could’ve made, all of it. I mourn for what I have learned about society from all of this. I mourn for my life that was, swearing it would always be “like that.” I mourn for the people around me who have passed away. I mourn for the worsening of my own financial situation and knowing many others are even worse off. I mourn the life I loved and was accustomed to.

I recognize that I have nearly come out unscathed compared to so many others, but it does not make my experience, or anyone else’s, any less painful.

Covid 19 robbed us ALL from too much.

However, through the many DRASTIC changes that have occurred over the past year, the growth I’ve had as a person is tremendous. Though there were many days my mental health struggled, my anxiety through the roof and grieving each passing day and what it could’ve been, I myself improved. I completed four semesters of graduate school during the pandemic. I’ve grown my own platforms, made connections with new and amazing people I probably never would’ve connected with in regular life.

Everything about the past year has been a challenge- maintaining relationships with others, being alone while simultaneously quarantined with your family, constant fear and cluelessness, remaining motivated for school, finding new ways to bring myself joy and excitement. Somehow through all of these struggles I have unlocked more knowledge about myself, those around me and the world around me than I have ever before. I finally had nothing to do some days but sit there, with my own thoughts and mind- enough to drive anyone crazy but worked almost therapeutically for me. I spent time studying my interests, expanding on my coursework, writing, reading and working out. I can feel and SEE how much healthier I am physically from a year ago and understand the areas of my mind I wish to learn from or build upon. I have never felt more detached from my life and so in tune with mySELF.

I am of course more than ready for life to begin transitioning to a higher-functioning “normal,” but am almost nervous in a way. There are so many things I view differently or feel differently about now, will I still interact with what is around me in a similar manner? How will I form or rebuild old relationships? Will I freak out if I’m near too many people, even once the majority is vaccinated? I have just as many questions of what life will be like post- Covid as I did pre-Covid.

Nonetheless, I am excited to get this improved version of myself out there and experiencing life to the fullest (because I had also realized I wasn’t allowing myself to “live” enough!). I am excited to hug again, see all my friends in person again, spend a night at a (semi) crowded bar and do things without having to worry so much about the last time I sanitized again or if my hands were due for yet another cleansing. Whatever this new normal looks like, I’m excited to experience it, going into it stronger & better than the normal we all knew.

Make sure to visit anamesaonline.com to stay entertained!