a return to gentleness

I recently had the pleasure of spending three blissful days dancing and connecting with beautiful people at the So Cal festival, Lightning in a bottle. One on of the nights I left the dance floor to refill my water bottle. As is often the case, my mind and heart were churning with “aha’s” gleaned while in the throes of dance. As I bent to turn on the tap, the water shot out like a cannon and I had to quickly turn the spigot down to avoid being drenched and wasting a ton of water. In that moment a new insight hit me like a bolt of lightning… how appropriate… ha!

In a flash I saw the inherent violence of our systems, large and small. The water pipes that extract water from even near dry water tables at an alarming rate. On the surface it seems as if there is an abundance of water, but in truth we are nearly drained dry. And yet, these systems function in a way to force the illusion of abundance it seems, until the bitter end. An eventuality that will be impossible to cover up or ignore. Our resources are dwindling and yet, the violent extractive nature of our infrastructures… both mechanical and human, create a persistent illusion of abundance. In this instantaneous flash of broad vision, I saw how this foundational violence extends even to the ways we conduct ourselves internally. Force is embedded in our modern society. Forced to “make something of ourselves” or we suffer social and economic downfall. And even in the spiritual communities there is an element of excessive striving to become “evolved” or suffer the shame of “falling behind”.. as if that is even possible.

And so we push, force and do violence on ourselves and others in an effort to maintain the illusion of abundance and safety we are all fed to expect as our right as humans. Who told us this lie? That water will never run dry, that each and every one of us should become rich and famous in order to be worth something in our society, that if we are not a perfectly seamless upward trajectory on all levels we are doing it wrong? What happened to gentleness? When did the simple act of caring tenderly for a plant, an animal, a person or the planet become unworthy of notice?

As I gently took hold of the lever to control to water to more realistic outpouring, I felt my heart open and tears filled my eyes. I saw in that moment this reflection of violence and force even in my own being. I saw the moments that I lashed out, even if only with my attitude, if not physically, towards those I loved the most. I saw moments of frustration with my horses, dogs and family. I saw that what was really going on is in those moments I was witnessing beings I loved with all my heart suffering but were powerless to “fix”, so I tried to force instead. I saw the misguided love turn into control. I saw the parallel to the travails of our planet. We have problems bigger than any one person, and yet we only have our eyes to see them…. We feel powerless and frustrated with seemingly insurmountable problems, forgetting that it is in the power of the collective to heal.

I felt a gentleness descend upon my soul. I felt a new way of being birthed within me. A way of being that I, and all people are born with. Gentleness. And a knowing that only gentleness can heal, not force… however well meaning. Only a soft hand and stillness can allow that which is not in our control anyway to move and find its way.

So now, when my dog is not “behaving” or my horse is full of anxiety, or someone dear to me seems to be doing poorly, I am taking a gentle approach born of trust in the sovereignty of the beings around me. I am walking in trust of the greater intelligence of that which binds all of us together…. Divine will, collective consciousness…. God/dess…. Whatever word resonates with you, it is all the same. Not one of us has the “right”way and only gentleness can allow all ways to meet, kiss and be friends.

In my flash of insight I also saw that the underlying violence in our world does not only go one way. It is not perpetrator and victim. When there is violence, whether energetic or physical, both the giver and receiver are destroyed. We who are destroying the earth also destroy ourselves. When we speak harsh words, we feel the sting just as much as if we were speaking those words to ourselves. Gentleness, my friends… bring back gentleness. Towards yourselves, towards others, towards the earth… it is truly all one.