A Queen has entered the chat

If you think I am about to tell you that self love is self taught, you're in the wrong place honey buns. I am not one to think that the skill to love oneself, yes I said skill, is the product of evolution. I believe it takes careful deliberation and interaction with our fellow human beings in order to come to the affirmation that one loves him/herself.

I am not a pessimist, I hope I don't sound like one, on the contrary this tiny body is overflowing with of hope and faith. If you are still around I would love to explain myself. I believe that we are all born naturally self loving. Look at how children always want to be number one, never settle for less, and think of themselves first. For them the world is theirs which translates that they acknowledge the value of their existence, even if it subconsciously. But once we pass a certain age we don't all have a natural ability to love ourselves. That is because at a certain point when our consciousness expands, we are introduced to the bigger world, and to the lives of others around us, and we soon realize that we are interconnected with others whether we like it or not. Even more so in today's world with technology and social media. We have younger siblings under our care, so sacrificing our comfort for their happiness is not unfamiliar. We can't help but notice that Suzy has clear skin and straight teeth unlike the person in the reflection in the mirror. Comparing and contrasting is what we do all day because of social constructs that are put in place by who? People. So the solution seems simple; try to become the people we envy. It's a simple formula that consists of three steps, 1. watch 2. learn and 3. copy.

From my perspective, I am in a world where beauty is measured primarily by the shade of your skin color. Rare to see a multitude of female representatives of dark complexion that stand as emblems of beauty, unlike lighter skinned personas which you can see practically everywhere. I caved in to those standards, labeling them as optimal and myself as cursed to have features that traced me back to Africa. It wasn't until I was in my mid twenties that I finally embraced my wide nose, full lips, and chocolaty complexion after having read books like "Trojan Horse: Death of A Dark Nation" by Anonymous and "The Destruction of Black Civilization" by Chancellor Williams that I understood that life is a psychological game. Your brain can be programmed by social construct to make you think and feel in certain ways which in turn would influence the kind of decisions you would make.

I owe it to my best friend Tracy, a beautiful Ghanaian young lady who sent me a video one day before going to bed called ' LISTEN EVERYDAY! "I AM" affirmations for Success' by a channel called Be 'Inspired' on Youtube. Now when you hear success, you might be thinking about money, money, money, and more money. However success in these affirmations is your overall well being. It is learning to acknowledge that you not only are deserving to be loved but that you love yourself as well and loving yourself is claiming your health, which is taking care of your body by eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, being slow to anger, being grateful, and forgiving others among many other things that will contribute to making the right decisions for yourself in order to have a peace of mind and in turn be happy. I am not exaggerating when I say I wake up everyday at 4am in the morning to listen to that particular video that is saved on my phone one click away. I start my day with gratitude and with an attitude that allows me to focus on myself so that I can be a better person to others.

One swipe away is @lawofattractionlive, an Instagram page that I check often to keep myself grounded in this world full of competitions and racial tensions. It reminds me to quit spending too much time feeling sorry for myself and instead understand that I am a powerful being carrying energy strong enough to not only withstand any bad circumstance but change the course of an event to make it work in my favor. This page continues to teach me that the mind is the most powerful tool we possess because what we want we can have, but you have to train the mind correctly. Ironically today's post, a.k.a vibe of the day, reads "April 1st 2020-When you love yourself you attract better. You let The Universe know that you deserve the best by treating yourself well. Everything starts with how you feel about yourself. Feel worthy. Feel valuable. Feel special. Feel deserving of receiving the best. It will happen for you." written by Idil Ahmed.

Five years ago I saw my reflection for the first time, in Alexandre Keto's painting titled "Queen", posted on his Instagram page @alexandreketo. I saw myself in this African figure, a strange but familiar silhouette who sat chin up, proudly rocking her crown of hair, ruling in her natural habitat. She was me and I was her, skin dark as the glistening night, lips invading her face, nose rarely portrayed on television, and eyes that told a story of pain and victory, she stole my heart. Alexandre captures the effortlessly empowering beauty of the African woman, a picture I now have engraved in my mind whenever I need to remind myself who I am.

Like watching others bike until actually getting on your own bike to give it a try, or being taught how to play the piano with instructions and lessons, I did not teach myself self-love. Although I had to rewire my brain to express love towards my self, I 1. watched 2. learned, and 3. copied what people who had it figured out did. Loving oneself is a skill acquired after much practiced activities and repeated sayings to reprogram your brain, but you cannot do this alone. It was the words and actions of others that inspired me to do right by me. This only proves that we are more connected than we think and that human interaction is crucial to not a perfect life but eventually a happy life.