A Chinese Guy's Story: Why Do I Always Give Up?

But today, I stopped myself.

I thought,

“Why should I research my own life?”

This story is mine.

I’m writing this because I want to understand myself, and maybe someone out there has gone through something similar.

If you have, I’d love to hear your story.

For context, today is July 6, 2026, and I’m 21 years old.

This is my life after graduation.

March–April 2025 — My First Job

After graduating, I got my first job at a gym.

My job was simple: stand outside and hand out flyers to people walking by.

Surprisingly, I was pretty good at it.

One day my boss told us,

“Today is the last day of the promotion.”

So I started telling every customer,

“Today is your last chance. Tomorrow the promotion will be over.”

The next day I came back to work…

and found out the promotion wasn’t over at all.

It would continue for another month.

After that, something changed inside me.

My motivation disappeared.

My performance got worse, and eventually I quit.

Looking back, maybe it wasn’t because of the job itself.

Maybe I just lost trust.

April–May 2025 — Becoming a TikTok Creator

After leaving the gym, I started posting videos on TikTok.

I wanted to document my life, save money, and hopefully move abroad one day.

At first, I was excited.

But every day I received comments like:

“You’re ugly.”

“Working abroad is exhausting.”

“No one cares.”

Those comments slowly destroyed my confidence.

I became obsessed with my appearance.

Eventually, I stopped posting.

I quit again.

April–June 2025 — Working at an International Hotel

English has always been one of my biggest passions.

I’ve spent years learning it.

So I found a job at an international hotel because I imagined talking to foreigners every day.

Reality was different.

Foreign guests only came to the front desk for a few minutes.

Most of my work had nothing to do with English.

Then one day, while I was still on probation, I overheard my manager talking about firing me.

Instead of waiting to be fired, I resigned first.

There was another reason too.

The rotating shifts were exhausting.

Sometimes I worked during the day.

Sometimes I worked overnight.

I couldn’t imagine living like that for years.

After two months, I quit.

With the money I had saved, I traveled to Thailand.

July–September 2025 — Selling Fake Watches

When I came back from Thailand, I needed another job.

An e-commerce company hired me because of my English.

I sold watches to American customers.

Everything seemed fine…

until I discovered something.

The watches weren’t genuine.

They were fake.

I couldn’t continue knowing I was helping deceive people.

So I quit.

Once again, I used my savings to travel.

This time, I went to Japan.

October–November 2025 — Chasing Another Dream

After Japan, I had no idea what I wanted to do.

Instead of settling down, I kept traveling.

I even borrowed money to visit Indonesia and Malaysia.

When I returned, I thought,

“What kind of job would let me travel and use my English?”

The answer seemed obvious:

International trade.

So I joined an export company.

I imagined traveling overseas for business.

Meeting international clients.

Using English every day.

Reality looked nothing like my imagination.

The work was repetitive.

Then I found out the company was exporting low-quality products while charging premium prices.

I felt guilty.

So…

I quit again.

March 2026 — Trying YouTube

After leaving that job, I decided to become a travel creator.

I started making videos on Chinese TikTok.

I thought maybe this was finally the right path.

But the views were disappointing.

Every low-performing video made me question myself.

Was it because of my appearance?

Was my content boring?

Or was I simply not good enough?

Travel also required money.

Without income, I couldn’t keep going.

So…

I quit again.

April 2026 — Saving Money for Another Trip

With my savings almost gone, I got another job at a trading company.

My goal wasn’t a career.

I just wanted enough money to travel again.

After saving around 3,000 RMB (about $500 USD),

I went to Vietnam.

Looking back now…

Maybe I wasn’t chasing travel.

Maybe I was running away from reality.

June 2026 — A Chance to Go to America

After returning from Vietnam, I discovered an opportunity.

Even with only a high school education, I had a chance to apply for a U.S. visa.

The chances weren’t high.

But I wanted to try.

I needed around 5,000 RMB to prepare everything.

So I found another job at a visa agency.

The salary wasn’t great — about 3,000 RMB a month.

Fortunately, I still lived with my parents, so I didn’t have to pay rent.

For the first time in a while, I had a clear goal.

Save money.

Go to the U.S. embassy.

Take my chance.

July 2026 — Here I Am Again

Then something happened.

I started watching more and more YouTube videos.

Mostly to improve my English.

I noticed many Chinese creators were suddenly becoming popular.

I thought,

“If they can do it, why can’t I?”

So I started my own YouTube channel.

For the first few days, I felt excited.

But soon…

the same feeling returned.

Filming outside all day felt exhausting.

I worried nobody would watch my videos.

I worried I wouldn’t make money.

I worried I would fail.

And once again…

I wanted to quit.

So Why Do I Always Give Up?

I still don’t know the answer.

Maybe I’m impatient.

Maybe I’m afraid of spending years on something that isn’t right for me.

Or maybe I’m just 21 and still trying to figure out what kind of life I really want.

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d love to hear your story.