A broken brain 💜

I feel when it hits.

I feel the sensation

I feel my body fighting against my mind.

but it hits me what can I do!

What should I do!

I know this to well

It has been with me far to long.

Do not fear it.

Do not let it own you.

Just let will be will be.

There is not much I can do.

I feel it beating in my chest.

I feel as my brain is failing me.

I have been down this road far to long.

Not a soul, not a person would understand but me.

How could they when it is me who is in it.

I must breath. I must not panic.

As I feel that terrible sensation happening on the stairs.

That horrible feeling

That feeling of no control because it is happening once again.

Epilepsy does not make me weak.

Epilepsy does not make me less.

Epilepsy does not make me unable.

It makes me a survivor to this awful condition.

A condition that lead me to drug resistant epilepsy.

A type that no medication can control to full capacity.

A type where brain surgery is out, the verdict is out.

A type where no man kind can operate on because of where it is.

My body is to low in weight slowly trying to destroy me as another health condition is secretly hiding in plane sight.

My only chance of survival is the medication that I am on.

And just maybe.

Just maybe.

The VNS.

But will it work!

My answer is I am a strong mother fucker and nothing will take me down.

Nothing I have been on this journey way to long so I say.

Bring it what is the worse you can do.

Because guess what epilepsy darling, I hate to break it to you darling but I am not longer scared of you.

I no longer fear you like I use to all those years back.

When you knocked me down hitting my head on the toilet leaving me in a tonic Clonic seizures while clustered were waiting behind.

And clustered a they were, they came that is when I knew dizapam no longer worked on my seizure threshold.

But now is different because I have one element I did not have back then.

I have my writing, my son and you will not take me down.

I am a mum and this mum is going no where so I say bring your worse because I always get back up!

I always have I have the scars on my knees to show you.

I have the bags around my eyes to prove it.

I have the weight loss I can't get back to prove to you.

That I am standing even when you come for me as I sleep.

I am stronger than you, my brain maybe broken but mentality is Skye high.

Because this writer, this mother she ain't going no where.

So I say bring your worse.

Thank you all for reading this is something I just put together just now, like an poem about epilepsy in a way, inspiration hit. Do not fear the photo was taken back in 2019, have had more hits since then. But on short notice the only one I could find to show the message as it is. Love Cryptic Edwards 💜