7 Things That Aren’t Deserving of Your Time, Energy, or Focus

I’m not about to tell you what you already know… cat videos, Netflix and chill, Snapchat… All these guilty pleasures we all know and love.

You get it.

There are some more abstract things in life that we are just better off without. We can not avoid them all together, but instead, we can manage them to our advantage.

We spend too much time ticking off the laundry list, and not enough time ticking the boxes of the things that really matter. Why? I don’t really know the exact answer, but it seems most of the things we do are out of moral obligation.

Do you ever find yourself completely and utterly enthusiastic about a new goal or project? Whether it be personal health, work, or your own business ideas… anxious to get started, so much so that you are committed to every inch of your being, knowing that this time is really going to be different (and you really do have that honest intention), then soon enough, through day-to-day life you feel absolutely exhausted and the goal or project becomes obsolete because you ‘literally’ just do not have time, energy, or focus for it?

From my experience, it is because I have used up all my time, energy, and focus ticking off the laundry list.

It is impossible to please everyone so why not be selective? Joel Osteen puts this into perspective.

“25% of people you meet: will never like you;

25% of people you meet: won’t like you, but could be persuaded to;

25% of people you meet: will like you but could be persuaded not to;

25% of people you meet: will like you and always be there.”

So let's forget about everyone else and think about ourselves. I believe it to be true that you have to first be selfish to be selfless.

1. Worrying

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” — Leo Buscaglia

In most cases: we worry about things that haven’t even happened yet, or may not even happen at all—playing out the worse case scenario. Because of this, we end up immobilizing ourselves and causing unneeded stress.

Did you know that when you have a thought, your mind cannot distinguish what is real and what is not? So worrying about something that hasn’t even happened has the same effects on your body as it would if it really did happen. The energy that goes into worrying is incredibly draining emotionally and physically.

I know personally that it can be hard to change old habits, but here is a quick exercise I do when I catch myself getting worked up into worry.

Close your eyes.

Take three deep breaths (as deep as you can go) and exhale slowly. This brings your attention to your breathing and away from what you are worrying about, helping you feel a little more grounded.

Visualise the scenario in which you are worried about and see it play out in the best case scenario. Visualise every detail playing out perfectly for you. Notice how this makes you feel (your body, your heart rate, facial expressions etc…).

Try the above again—except play out the scenario in the worst case. Notice how this makes you feel (your body, your heart rate, facial expressions etc…).

I guarantee you will feel less worry and stress when you visualize the better of the two.

2. The Opinions of Others

(Especially from those who are not where you want to be.)

“When you are truly content with who you are, you stop being concerned with whether or not other people like you.”

We live in a world today where more and more of us are challenging the status quo and pursuing things that may be seen as ‘risky’ or not ‘normal’ like quitting our jobs to start our own business, travelling the world for months on end to collect experiences, making investments instead of putting money into a pension scheme... just to name a few.

“When people can’t do something themselves they will tell you—you can not do it.” — Will Smith

It can be hard not to take in the opinions of others, considering most of the time the opinions of others are usually from those who are closest to us, like our friends and family. They matter to us—therefore their opinions matter too… or so we think.

Most of the time the opinions are coming from a good place, with our best interests at heart, but ultimately they are opinions that come from our loved one’s own personal experiences, life events, their way of thinking and their perspective of the world. These are worries relating to their own lives and respectively have no place in the decision-making process of our own.

As much as we respect our friends and family and their good intentions for us—we really want to be focusing our energy on taking the advice of those people who are already where we want to be. These could be people we personally know or role models and influences in the area.

Warren Buffet is definitely someone I give time, energy, and focus on when it comes to investing.

3. Average Friends

“Surround yourself with people who are only going to lift you higher.” — Oprah Winfrey

We have good friends and we have really average friends. Some will lift us up and some will bring us down when it comes to sharing our dreams, ambitions, achievements, and goals. You can usually pick them out quickly. I am not saying abandon them all together, (or maybe you would prefer to) but just get to know them in a way that gives you the power to put them at arm's length when you need to.

For example:

Ask yourself.

“Do they always make negative comments when I talk about my ambitions?”

Yes.

“So, do they really support me and my dreams”

No.

“OK… not a coffee discussion point”

“…but, we do have a good chat and we do laugh a lot when we catch up… I do always enjoy myself when we are together. I just know what not to talk to them about…”

So, maybe next time you are catching up for coffee—ask yourself. Is it really worth my time, energy and focus or am I just doing it out of obligation?

Although, you may be a little more ruthless than me and cut them out altogether, saving yourself money on coffee catch-ups out of obligation.

I think everyone has their qualities… even the average friends. Just don’t waste your time, energy and focus discussing areas of your life that they don’t support. Find other friends to support you in that. They are out there.

4. The Past

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one” — Lewis Carroll

The past: A place that will keep you stuck in a rut and drain you or your time, energy and focus. However, the past is a valuable place to be for reflection. The problem is, most of us get caught up in past regret, rather than using it for reflection to move forward.

Most of the time we get caught up in past events that have given us an emotional bruising, making us weary when dealing with similar present events, protecting ourselves from having to go through a bruising again. We make future decisions based on past experiences.

Heartbreak is a classic example. We have all experienced heartbreak in one form or another whether, it be heartbreak from a romantic relationship, the loss of a best friend or an absent parent. I even know the loss of a pet is heartbreaking—swearing never to get another cat or dog, but time heals and we do.

Unfortunately heartbreak sometimes bruises so badly it can leave us with the feeling of literal internal damage, causing us to build walls around us when entering a new relationship to protect ourselves rather than building new foundations together—hindering the new relationship of the fresh start it deserves.

We certainly grow from the past, but the tricky part is not letting it negatively affect our present. Undoubtedly it can be hard. Being hung up worrying that your current partner is going to leave you like your last one did is only going to cause strain and unhealthy attachment and yeah, they probably will eventually leave you to get on with your insecurities on your own.

You have to remember that this new love is not like the last and if it is, you now know how strong you are to get through it. Touching back to point one—worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet…

Your energy should be focused on the now, the present time. The past should be humbly referenced for reflection. Because, where you are now is a product of where you have been, all the choices and decisions you have ever made leading right up to this very present moment. The time is now, the focus belongs to now and the energy belongs to now.

5. Being Too Kind

As my warrior-of-a-woman Mother says: “You cannot carry people – you can only carry the message.”

Most of us like to think of ourselves as kind—and being a kind, caring, empathetic person is a positive attribute to have. However, kindness can sometimes be at the detriment of our own happiness and others.

Being too kind is being afraid—afraid to ruffle a few feathers, stand your ground, and set boundaries. Too kind is too afraid to say no.

We are kind because we want to help, but when we try and carry those we care about, we stumble, we slow, we trip, we fall. Those of us who are extremely empathetic will have great difficulty because, when we empathise with someone, we feel a sense of duty to carry them, as if their baggage were our own. Especially if we have already overcome the challenge in our own lives that they now face.

As the old English proverb states, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can not force him to drink.”

Sooner rather than later we all need to be the captains of our own ships to carry the message because kindness will not lead us to freedom, but into subjection. It will enslave us to moral obligation.

Spend your time, energy and focus carrying the message by humbly living an exemplary life.

6. Reading And Watching The News

“Distinguish between news and noise” — Unknown

When I first started intentionally living with purpose, rather than just existing, I made certain decisions that soon became habitual. Just like reading the paper every morning and watching the news every night was part of my daily routine.

It all started as a little challenge I set myself to see how long I could go without reading or watching the news. I came to this decision after noticing anything good or positive was rarely reported in the media and more often than not I felt deflated or concerned to some degree. Not a good start or end to the day! Since I made that decision I haven’t intentionally watched or read the news for almost two years.

Now, you might be saying, “well, what if you miss important events? And how can you be so ignorant to what is going on in the world?” My answer is that if anything was really that important I would hear about it one way or another. Someone would tell me if the Sun was about to hit the Earth. It is not that I am ignorant of what is happening in the world, I just choose to listen to what is news, not what is noise.

Over the past two years, I have found a radical difference to my state of mind just by focusing my time and energy in replacing the noise with positive brain food—like motivational videos, books and audio books. My mornings are much more productive and my positive state of mind gets me enthusiastic about starting the new day. Not dragged down by negative news, dreading the day.

Watching the news and complaining about it isn’t going to change it. Be like Gandhi and be the change you wish to see in the world.

No one has the right to tell you what to believe or especially how you should feel. What you feed your mind with is totally in your control. Instead of buying into the negative energy that is dragging you down, discouraging you, scaring you and keeping you in your little comfort zone. Put time, energy and focus into information that is going to better you, expand you and empower you.

7. Indecision

“Make decisions or life will make them for you.”

I am sure it is not news to you that life goes on and therefore forever moving forward. So why do we think life stops to wait for us when we are stuck on making a decision?

Like the past—indecision will keep you stuck and drain you or your time, energy and focus. When we are stuck on making a decision we are usually paralysed by the fear of making the wrong one. Either the fear of failure or the consequences if we succeed. Perfection may be getting in your way, causing you to get caught up in worry. The truth is—you will never have it perfect.

Whether we are living life or just existing, opportunities come and go all the time and if we are stuck trying to make a decision we miss the opportunity. The job goes to someone else, the lover moves on, someone else turned your idea into a business for themselves, someone else wrote the book and worst of all, you give up the power of choice.

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”

Indecisiveness is expensive! Not only potentially expensive monetarily, but expensive to your time, energy and focus.

What we fail to consider when dithering on trivial decisions is the consequences of our indecision. The consequences aren’t really all that clear and clean cut to start out.

When you are booking a holiday and you sit there humming and harring about whether or not to book the flight because the price looks expensive—to then find it has gone up… You’ve cost yourself.

When you have a brilliant business idea, but you can not decide when is a good time to get started, someone else launches your idea… You’ve cost yourself.

When you have a life-changing book to write, or speech to give, or programme to write, but you can not decide if it is really that life-changing or not… What is it costing those people who need to hear you?

Replace the energy and focus that goes into being indecisive and replace it with making a decision and taking action on it. It will be much more worth your time.

Just the sheer act of making a decision will give you a sense of empowerment to move forward.

“It is in your moments or decision that your destiny is shaped,” — Tony Robbins

Put your time, energy and focus into making a decision, not dithering.

Making snap-decisions is a good exercise, to not only be on your way to being more productive but living an empowered life of decisions made by you, not life making them for you.

Put your time, energy and focus into the things that are of deserving of you, the things that make your heart sing—the things I believe will give you a more happy and fulfilling life of purpose.