36 Things I’ve Learned in 36 Years

Have you ever walked away from an argument feeling like you “won,” but deep down you were still unsettled and unhappy? I have. Well, so many times! I won, yes but I was sad and broken inside. What was all the fight for?

I used to think the goal of every disagreement was to prove my point; to make sure the other person understood me and admitted I was right. I proved my big sure points until I lost it! Yes, I lost it big time.

I would spend hours replaying conversations in my head, crafting better comebacks I should have used. I should have said this or that, I should have used this or that tone. I should have fought this way, screamed that way. Really? But I won! I won the argument, yes, or so I thought.

I was still unsettled, unhappy. Why?

But here’s what I learned; even when I got the last word, it didn’t bring me peace. Instead, it left me very drained, like I had poured all my energy into a battle that didn’t really change anything at all

Over time, life has taught me that peace is often more valuable than proving a point. Peace is more valuable than war, in every form!

I’ve been in situations where disagreements lingered in my mind like a song stuck on repeat; on, on and on till I felt like I would literally pass out. I would go to bed thinking about it, wake up still carrying it and waste precious time trying to “fix” what couldn’t be fixed.

It felt like dragging around a heavy backpack filled with rocks. Now that I think about these, I feel sad because I carried weights I had no business carrying.

But peace, I discovered, is like choosing to set the backpack down.

I remember doing a tug-of-war with my friends when I was much younger. Have you done one before? You can pull with all your strength, trying to drag the other person to your side. Even if you win, you fall to the ground, maybe even scraped and breathless. Choosing peace is like quietly letting go of the rope. The game ends instantly but you still walk away standing tall, yes.

I had a workplace conflict few weeks ago. A colleague misunderstood my intentions and my instinct was to defend myself loudly, to clear my name. But something in me said, “Not this time.” I stayed calm, said less, and focused on my work instead of the drama. At first, I feared people would see me as weak.

But later, I realized something powerful; while others remained caught up in tension, I was free. Free to think, free to create, free to breathe. It was amazing because I finally realized how much power I now have over myself!

Most of the times, we fail to understand that the real war is with ourselves! The reason why you react the way you do especially when it comes to conflicts, arguments or fights is found inside of you. Why did you respond angrily?, Why did you engage in that fight?

Think about it. Then, think about how much easier it would have been to quietly walk away. You save yourself from the stress and trauma that results from that. You save yourself some energy, yes.

This sank in for me; peace is not weakness. It’s quiet strength. It’s knowing that not every battle deserves your energy, not every misunderstanding needs to be corrected, and not every critic requires a response.

Now, when I face conflict, I ask myself two important questions:

Will this matter a year from now?

Am I protecting my pride, or am I protecting my peace?

Most times, the answer is clear; let it go. Please, let it go!

At 36, I can say this truth with certainty; peace will always be worth more than being right. Sometimes, letting the other person have the “last word” is really you having the last laugh, because you walk away lighter, freer, and more in control of your spirit.

In the end, peace will always be the greatest point you can ever prove.

These lessons mean a lot to me. They changed my whole perspective about life. I stopped fighting, trying to justify or cry out. Yes!

Nowadays, I pick up my bag and walk away gently. This walk of peace is my greatest strength.

I speak when I need to, really, but I no longer struggle to explain and convince anyone. Making my point clear once is enough. I act more, argue less and drink a tall glass of water each time. Cheers to growth!

Please, come back here for my next in the series “36 things I’ve learned in 36 years”.

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Lesson 2: Not everyone will understand you, and that’s okay

Thank you for reading!