30 Journal Entries to Self Discovery - Day 26

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! I really hope you all read that in a sing-song, yell(ish) voice of Europe. The Swedish rock band, not the continent. Just kidding. Welcome to day twenty-six. Hope you're all enjoying your time and I'm so sad that we are in our final countdown. Have fun with the last four days and write like the wind! Here is the quote of the day: "Write as though your mother will never read it." — Matt Haig

DAY TWENTY-SIX: WHAT DO I BELIEVE I DESERVE IN LIFE? WHY?

This is an odd question, if you ask me. However, aside from a decently steady career, I think I have almost everything I deserve in life. I'm pretty fortunate, overall. I have my bad days, bad moments, this has been a pretty bad month so far but I'm getting by. I have an awesome family, a roof over my head, and my daughter. Plus, some pretty kick-ass friends. I'm pretty freaking lucky, if I do say so myself. I work hard.

I guess I'm ultimately not exactly where I thought I would be. I'm working on buying a house. By that I mean I'm looking very intently online at houses for sale in the area I want to live in. There's one cute house that I've been watching for over a year. It's small but with a big backyard and cute. I think I deserve that, maybe not in past moments, but currently, I think I'm working hard enough. I've raised my daughter for the last two years as her only parent and looking at her, she deserves a permanent house. Not her grandparent's house in Florida either. I suppose I deserve that too. It would be nice to come home to a place and be able to paint it any color I want and change the shower head without consulting anyone. I want to live in a house and not have to re-sign a lease every year. I don't deserve a mansion or anything, but a nice two bedroom with a decent kitchen and maybe a garage would be awesome.

Honestly, other than the house and a steady career, I think I'm pretty happy. I think I pretty much have everything I deserve. Eventually, I'd like another dog, I miss having a dog in the house but that's about it. My daughter was a bigger gift than I ever could've asked for. I was told at a pretty young age that it would be super hard for me to have children because of some medical issues growing up. My daughter was by no means planned. However, she was the best surprise I have ever received. I was scared out of my mind and I still pretty much have no idea what I'm doing but I'm so freaking lucky for her. She is my miracle and it crosses my mind everyday that I don't deserve her. So I try to be everything she deserves. I'm also very lucky that she's not an ugly child. Her father and I aren't exactly supermodels, but she could be. That's not just my mother's perspective either, I've had a lot of people tell me that she could be a child model. Okay, I'm getting braggy now and I'll stop.

Anyway, I haven't always been the best person in life. I don't deserve a vacation house in the Bahamas or anything, but a small house in the suburbs would be nice. Other than that, I think I've already gotten all that I believe I deserve.

My thoughts: This is a very great self-discovery question. It really made me look at everything I have and everything I think I deserve. It forces you to look back and look forward. It's a scary thing to look at, however, I think it might also be necessary. Beautiful self-discovery question and a great look inward.