The Unspoken Communication

The Unspoken Communication

Alan Arnold - 25 Jan, 2024.

Well, which is it then? Masculinity is being sold as toxic, almost worldwide… and femininity is being seen as something not only toxic but exploitative to women also. Feminine women are being called out for surrendering their true selves (the version that is being imposed upon them, the pressures of radical views that are permeating and plaguing social media. With no better than cult-like brainwashing, and guilt manipulation techniques), and they are berated for conceding to be a ‘girly girl’.

Accusing the adoptions of such effeminate personas on the existence of overbearing, threatening and boisterous masculinity, and the now very frequently coined term by radical feminists everywhere, as “The Patriarchy”. It’s framed as if it is a dirty word, outlining the existence of a version of a crime family, with sinister morals and nefarious intentions, all pre-planned and mapped out to oppress women. Something that requires purging from our society. And yes, men feel it, young and old.

While that overprotective undercurrent with views toward women did exist in society, it is no longer prevalent. so how long will the radicals hold a grudge? Until there is some clear sign that men have suffered in equal measures? Those who are suffering are the unwitting younger men, that is because the men who grew up conditioned to protect and coddle the ‘fairer sex’ didn’t view it as oppression. That so-called oppression view was sold to us as a perspective taken by radical feminism.

Young men who don’t have a clue what all that was about thirty to forty, or even fifty, years ago, are being treated as if they are just born sinners through guilt by association or accident of birth. The older generation of men who have spent their lives fulfilling what their parents told them made a ‘good man’ and spent the last forty years providing for the women in their family, wives, daughters, mothers, etc.

Not to say that those women haven’t joined the fray and burden of provider roles also, by these more enlightened times of course, but the awareness wasn’t there in a society where a broad spectrum of men had their stomachs turn at the thought of putting the women they love on the front line in battle or working all day sweating in the sun.

It wasn’t something flippantly disallowed for women, it was a genuinely deeply upsetting moral crisis for older men to willingly and knowingly put the women they were taught they had to protect, in direct danger, and on purpose. These sentiments have been swept away and misunderstood as control measures. So to have the feelings of a different generation that is still with us today. It is something that has taken a lot of older men a good deal of time to come to terms with, that these women wish to occupy those roles by choice. It's even harder to fathom for those older gents that these women are capable people who can rightly fill those shoes.

Women could always do something to earn a living, but it was mostly in fields that were termed, prim and proper, or appropriate women's work, hahaha. It just sounds funny now. However, it is still blazingly obvious when we look at the dangerous jobs, that women still shy away from those areas and most assume men will pick up the slack there because they always have done and haven’t asked for special compensation, just fair remuneration. While there may be one or two women truckers for every fifty or so men or 1 or 2 women in special forces infiltration units to the majority of men, things probably won’t change in those types of jobs deemed dangerous or highly physical.

Not for the younger women who wish to be seen as feminine by their male counterparts still. Most men aren’t overly attracted to women who represent a masculine energy, they can get that by hanging out with the guys or looking in the mirror. Masculine energy, to a man, represents a challenger for their rights to the lionesses, it’s just the way it is.

We are all, pretty much so anyway, attracted to what we don’t have within ourselves. Even same-sex couples still have a representative masculine and representative feminine, even if those roles switch from time to time, they are still usually defined by assuming the opposite role of your partner. Whilst femme is for one, homme is for the other.

No one can tell a woman or a man what they ‘should’ be attracted to and what ‘should’ be attractive, you either will feel that special movement in your soul or you will feel put off it. There are more than just long-winded explanations of how many allowances we should be making for the other gender/s. But that doesn’t speak to us, inside ourselves. Not as to who we find appealing, sexually or emotionally. That is just a social misgiving adopted by the overtly P.C. components who are hell-bent on sterilizing the world of its differences and have some type of disdain for anything that isn’t struck from the same mould.

Could this be part of the reason why women are racing to the A.I. field and tech jobs? It is a way to say, “See! We do those jobs too, just in a different way.” It’s as if there is something to prove there. They MUST be seen to be doing everything a man does while denying the fact, that most women just don’t want to do some things because they are seen as men’s jobs.

Maybe women just don’t want to do those jobs, look at how societies across the world have sent kids to war before they’ve sent women in the past. Furthermore, the majority of feminine women (not all of course) are more than fine with calling them men's work. However, they’ll never come forth and outright own it. Which doesn’t matter, statistics speak for themselves, I am just saying it would be so much easier on all of us trying to survive and communicate in society if we started calling a spade a spade, not an ambidextrous ergonomic dirt relocator.

The conversation on this can go from strength to strength and in so many directions. Veer toward men’s mental health issues and how they affect the world at large, the rise of deaths of despair in men and the relationship that has to the increased loneliness of people in general, especially men. Stemming into depression, giving rise to feelings of hopelessness as the cause of self-destruction. This can be tied to and drawn lines of cause and effect, to and from, the deepening of the valley of miscommunication between men and women.

This effect cascades across to how we get along in general for the well-being of society at large or individual family units. The ineffectual teachings of parentage by the last generation and the one before that, and the blame game and problem-pointing go on and on forever.

The facets are endless here, and the precarious balance we try to maintain is too delicate to put our hope into discussions that go in circles, without anyone taking ownership. I wish to discuss the question of what type of masculinity is the type we need to embrace and support as an integral part of the nuanced setting in interpersonal relationships.

These traits are vocalised against regularly, with women speaking out against such ‘masculinity’ as a toxic trait of men. However, when it is a one-on-one scenario or a relationship matter, women test men constantly to make sure that such masculinity is ever-present. Therein lies the dichotomy of wants.

Further muddying that pool, is that all these women calling out that ‘all masculinity is toxic’ are usually also calling for all women to adopt more masculine traits when confronted with challenges at work, and in other professional realms that women occupy. Masculinity is the assumed trait of professional women, that other F’M’ists seem to uphold as the okay response to being directly challenged in any field where there is a battle to be won against men as a display of gender superiority or some such nonsense. Or that is how it feels to me and how it seems to be advertised wherever possible.

Not once have I seen a woman being shown as doing something in a fashion superior to men, by using her natural femininity and the powers that ensue within her when she embraces said femininity. No, on the many occasions, the media has attempted to show women as superior to men, on the many stages set to spin that skewed fable (not to say some women aren't superior in some ways to men in many fields but the same is true for the opposite scenario. It's just not headline-worthy?), the woman in the scenario is assuming masculine traits in fields where she doesn't need to do so. If she was true to her natural inclination instead of just simply walking the same road men have walked and trying to tell us it’s different because she is a woman doing it. I have no recollection of an instance where she has shown a completely new way of doing something that spells out the differentiation between the woman's way and the man's way, it’s just a woman doing exactly what a man has always done. I know I will probably get roasted for that statement but I’m not picking on women, I am just saying that it is disappointing.

When more women began filtering through the different industries, I was expecting to see something that never eventuated…which was the new feminine way of doing things. It has just been women with ever-increasing masculine energy, doing it the same old way men have always done these things. Even if they do innovate, it’s usually just the natural progression it was going to take anyway in the so-called masculine environment.

I haven’t seen any widely spoken for, or overtly expressed forms of femininity as positive either. So is the expectation of these radicals that women can be as masculine as they’d like, men should not be feminine in relationships except when the woman wants her man to assume that role, then he should obey? This is in direct contradiction to what it means to be a masculine creature with strong conviction and purpose in his direction.

When was the last time a whole group of people, men, women, racial, class, etc, were told that an inherent part of their make-up was evil and needed to be ignored, expunged, denied or altogether purged, to become socially acceptable? Sometimes upon punishment of law by the other occupants of society as they deem necessary? Did that ever end well? Did it help those parts of those minorities feel more accepted, and compliant, and effect change within them? Well, these are statements of course, not questions, it’s a farce that masculinity is toxic. It’s like saying knives stab people.

It’s a well-dreamt-up media tool, attempting to keep the podium and sceptre firmly in hand by those who are grasping it now. Does that remind you of any other time where a gender put another down to keep grasp of the podium, control measures, and any other benefit associated with ‘the upper hand’?

Aside from all those edgy topics of social status, and on a more personal level, there are things we can do to effect true equality within our relationships, and still own our individually prevalent traits as men and women. However, as a man, I can only really speak from a man’s perspective.

As the masculine traits of men get rubbished and deconstructed on one hand, there is a clear contradiction to this stance once a relationship status is attempting to be established.

The woman usually wants to feel her man’s masculine capability being pulled out of the hat at any moment, present and accounted for, especially when she feels the world is a little too threatening for her on certain days due to the emotional rollercoaster she’s riding on.

It is up to each of us, man and woman, being of different genders, with different powers, strengths, and weaknesses, to master the traits we inherently possess, and try to make them work in conjunction with those traits of the gender we most wish to live in tandem with.

So, guys, she isn’t just testing you to be annoying, she isn’t picking a fight with you for the hell of it, just because you are already feeling a bit challenged by your week. She is checking that your masculine strength remains steadfast for her to rely on, even when you are feeling tested by everything else in the world, sometimes especially by your partner’s unmet wants and not yet quenched desires.

Most commonly I’ve noticed, without conscious effort, a woman tests her man’s resolve in how firmly his feet are planted to the earth under your collective life so that she can relax and go on being herself, a feminine woman. Of course, many modern women are social chameleons and can readily assume masculine and feminine traits, but concerning how she would most commonly like to be viewed by her man, it’s as a feminine woman, a dew drop, a butterfly landing on a flower petal. Not as a lumbar jack or an iron-bark tree trunk with the mouth of a stockman.

A woman who is lifted out of her occasional funk by your means to wrap her lovingly and hold her with firm conviction in your strong arms. Gentle protection and comfort in the safety, of the strength of healthy masculinity. Showing her a smile, regardless of the turmoil going on underneath. That is not to say we men should ignore our feelings, or lie saying we are fine when we aren’t, but it is almost an unspoken rule that we don’t get swept up by our emotions and let them rule over our innate logic as healthy masculine men who can remind our female partner that the world will keep turning so long as she has you there and you have her.

With a light heart, yet with a simultaneously serious conviction, tell her she makes your heart sing when she smiles, and you wish to see it more often. Or that you are glad you have her in your life, to meet her after a trying day, makes your day whole. She leads with emotion and lets emotion inform most of her decisions, that is just the beauty, the plight and the power of most women.

Whereas, you mostly do not do this, as a man you sometimes can’t see what all the fuss is about…so make sure we as healthy masculine men use this, to both your and her advantage, and be the earthing rod for her electrical storm. If you both get swept up in the emotions at the same time there will be no one to reassure the pair of you that things will still be there tomorrow whether you lose your mind with worry or not…worry can’t change or fix anything, and so you will stick to the plan and just love her equally when she is easy to love, as when she is testing to see if your masculinity is still available for her to lean on.

She isn’t trying to find a weak point to see if you will break, she is just testing that you are still her rock and your love for her sails on an even keel no matter how turbulent the weather around you both gets.

What I’m about to say will be fervently argued against by women with more masculine energy because they have a firmer grasp of the male brain than most women, but that is not most women. And the women who do have a more masculine decisiveness and energy, probably don’t even realise that this is the main cause of, or reason for, conflict in their love lives in a heterosexual setting.

The man isn’t complimented by her feminine energy in this instance, he is, to put it plainly, challenged for his position as protector and the rock, and therefore feels his hackles naturally raise every time she weighs into his masculine mind’s territory. But that is another kettle of fish, so let’s not go there today.

Here is the seemingly controversial thought pattern, most fought against and rebutted by radical F’m’ists everywhere. It is up to us guys to take what your woman says with a view of the here and now, from the perspective of her vocalising an emotional state. Not as the final and last stance she is going to have on a matter, but we men need to think more creatively than that to know our woman’s heart. Outside the box of how we voice our thoughts, wants and desires. This is not always the approach to take with all women, but you can feel the difference when it arises.

Don’t take her so-called ‘hate’ or dislike for something, right now, as a be-all and end-all of how she feels about said thing, or activity, forever. She is saying to you, in not so many words (and this is very hard for a man to hear and understand because men tend to speak more in absolutes and exclamations, and from what he believes is reality and logic (his reality, his logic, not hers)), She goes on to explain to herself with her inside voice, “As a result of my feeling unsure about myself, my relationship and my life in general, I require some reassurance that you will love me and be there no matter what…again today.” In her actual voice says something like, “Are you just going to sit there in front of the computer all day?”

If you have any experience in relationships with women, you know that this has NOTHING to do with you sitting in front of the computer all day, it has nothing to do with anything you will do today. It is a plea and an invitation to show mating displays that she might find you more attractive by way of feeling secure in your ability to protect her heart. While makes her feel more attractive and of higher value because when she feels your status, self-respect and self-imposed value are high, she automatically feels that she has to be up there also to garner your love, attention and protection.

…And I’m not talking about standing at her door with a sword and shield-type protection. I’m saying she has confidence that you will not inadvertently hurt her in her heart or her life with stupid or weak decisions that affect her too.

This is her requesting for you to sport your masculinity, and reassure her by showing her healthy masculine energy. That request is almost always framed in a roundabout kind of way. This is a way that most men view as nit-picking or picking a fight, but we have it all wrong when we do that.

She might start with what you may view as a dig at you, by saying something akin to, “Are you going to do that thing I wanted to be done this week?” which is her testing your resolve and commitment to her. A more desperate statement coming from feeling lost, would be, “Do you think we’ll ever get a chance to just go and enjoy a weekend away with everything that’s going on for us lately?” That is her testing your skill to balance work, life, and your relationship, and still plan effectively.

This is an open invitation for you to show her that you can make her a priority because you are in control of your destiny, and that will positively impact her desire to be around you. You should not hear this as complaining and nit-picking about the negative aspects of how you don’t do anything for her.

As plainly as a woman has ever asked, she is asking you to embrace her and show her love. You could pose a question to her, one that raises the possibility that those things may happen, as a prelude to the event. But if you fall into that trap of saying something you don’t intend briskly following through on, you are showing her you haven’t got that masculine conviction she is looking for. So be careful there.

Hear the plea in her statement, and act, stand up, give her a tight warm embrace, from behind her if she’s busy doing something. Please give her a little kiss on the neck or the cheek, let her know she was heard and you are there with your manliness to support her. It doesn’t matter if it’s in a blokey kind of way, she just needs to see that you are a man of action and that she is the inspiration of your actions. So while you’re cuddling her, ask her…

“Okay my gorgeous woman, if we could just drop everything and go tomorrow, where would it be?” and you know what, she probably won’t even give you an answer. She’ll pose another negative maybe, just to test how serious you are about making her the priority.

There is a flip side to this, especially if the relationship is newer. She’s also looking for whether or not you will compromise too much and be easily swayed to give up what is important to you, spend money, time, or even energy you don’t have, just because she asked. Usually, this is on more than one instance, so it isn’t just a one-off polite concession for her sake, it’s a lack of backbone to your detriment. If you can’t look after number one, you can’t look after yourself either, LOL. Just kidding! What she’ll take away is, if you can’t show integrity for yourself, how will she fare in the grand scheme of your coupling?

No matter if she takes that literally, obviously, or reads between the lines. She may not particularly wish to remember that feeling or want to take that away from your actions, but she will, it will just imprint on her.

The same way as it imprints on her when you say, “Well, babe, our day-to-day livelihood depends on making sure we save this much, but if we put a few dollars into a separate account for about two months we can go on a 3–4 day cruise around the islands or a holiday to the hot springs. Shall we make it happen? It’d be so nice to be able to concentrate on us for a few days, uninterrupted.” Or some such thing as this.

This time, she’ll be imprinted with — Hmmm, he has this under control, I don’t need to be concerned that he will do something to jeopardise us because he has his masculine convictions in hand, for my sake and his. I can trust him.

So if the former happens too readily, and you concede too much too often and too quickly, you will show her the opposite of what she’s prodding to find out. And security won’t be the outcome.

She will feel as if you don’t have a firm grasp of what you want, and who you are, and that you don’t have the strength of masculinity, to not be swayed when it comes to protecting your relationship from outside harm or intense influences.

Then questions get thrown up in her mind like a computer virus infecting the system, she can’t help it, it is the feminine energy to be more swayed by her present emotional flux (not totally ruled by them, but it’s obviously in most cases more prevalent for a woman to let emotional state more heavily influence her decision making, than in men).

This uncertainty will make her fear other women, fun situations that remind you of your youthful soul (because everyone has one), and maybe a carefree life that she cannot see as a part of your current situation because she just has more worry now. Things like this will be threats to her if you aren’t steadfast in your displays of affection for her. If you don’t show structure within yourself and your life and “the drive to do hard things”(as stated by Modern Wisdoms: Chris Williamson)

The take away I think, is when she speaks in terms of an emotional motive for why she wants to, or doesn’t want to, do something, she is asking you to give her a firm stone to put her foot on so that she knows that secure ground is under her, and allows herself to feel her way forward.

This isn’t all the time mind you, and it’s not meant to patronise women either, it’s just that, as I mentioned earlier, men speak more readily in absolutes and with more logical conviction. Women speak from the heart and however she is feeling right now will change from day to day, or even moment to moment, so their stance on things will be less favourable in light of how insecure they feel within themselves and your relationship, and more favourable when she is happy and secure with how you display your masculinity when she makes a requisition for it.

It is a fine and delicate dance to understand the melee of contexts being thrown out by the other gender, and we can’t always get it right. However, at times when you are at a loss for the true meaning behind your female partner's quibbles, there is no point in asking for clarity from the woman throwing it out there.

If you don’t pick up the subtleties of things by this stage, and act on them without outside help in clarification, well, you’ve lost the opportunity to use that instance as a tool for positive reinforcement. Oftentimes she won’t be able to deconstruct her meaning in layman’s terms anyway. Most women don’t even know they are throwing up the challenge when they do it, they aren’t aware until much introspection later, at the response they were vying for.

That does NOT mean she doesn’t know what she wants. It does, however, mean that it is an instinctual part of a woman’s mating nuance and it can help their partners to be aware of the unspoken communication going on.

Unfortunately, with all the videos out there asking random women in a public setting, "What is it that makes a man datable?" They come out with ridiculous claims and requests, asking for the men to make 3 to 10 times what they make themselves. So when these women ask for a man to make more than they do, in every single instance, to be a candidate to date.

At the same time, women are also fighting to earn as much or more than men, for the same jobs. How will the world ever date if women earn equal pay or reasonable remuneration for the jobs done, which they should? However, they also expect that men they wish to date, earn three to ten times what they make. Is this backward logic sinking in, or not?

This last quip of mine was just a short example of how this society and it's expression of desires are skewed so far from reality, there is a vast chasm between understanding what is possible in today's financial and dating climate, to the princess-like desires prevailing. It has to heal before we begin to join hands again I think. And the vilification of masculinity has to end.