Speedy Babies - Part 2 - FOR DADS

This is for any birth partner, really, but really especially for dads-to-be.

If that's not you, you have two options: 1) pass this on to someone who you think could benefit, or 2) keep reading anyway. Who knows, one day you might encounter a woman giving birth in the doorway of a Waitrose, or on a plane, or in a mobile phone advert.

Precipitous Birth

This is birth that takes less than 3 hours. It's not that common, despite what Hollywood likes to portray. But it does happen.

It's even less likely for a first time mum. But it's just as well to be prepared. If it does happen, you need to be prepared, calm, and confident. Worry not - I'm going to talk you through the process step by step.

When this happens, you have a choice between making a mad dash to the hospital, or staying put and letting the medical help do that dashing.

If you are at home, you are already somewhere warm, safe and private. Baby arriving here is generally better than at the roadside. Be guided by the mother's wishes.

Step one

Fucking BREATHE, man.

Slower than that. Get your pulse rate right down. She needs you to be calm, strong, and unflappable. You've got this. No - she has got this, and you are along for the ride. Relax, there is usually very little for you to actually do. You don't have to "deliver" the baby. You just have to not fuck it up, and to not fuck it up as hard as you possibly can.

Step two

Reassure her.

Do not contradict her (I cannot emphasise to you how balls-to-the-wall irritating it is to have someone argue the toss with you when you're pushing a baby out).

Just use simple words of love and encouragement. I love you. You're doing brilliantly. You're safe. I'm proud of you. Help is on the way. It's going to be OK. You're amazing.

Speak softly. Give her your confidence. If you haven't got any, magick some out of your bottom. Pretend.

It's possible this is your most important job. If she is panicked, oxygen will be redirected away from her womb and baby towards her heart and lungs, ready for fight or flight. This will make contractions more painful, and it makes the process rougher on the baby as well. Oxytocin is the love hormone that causes contractions - and it also contracts blood vessels. Its release is suppressed by adrenalin. You with me? Your most important job. Make her feel safe. Make her feel loved. Could be you are the best person for this.

If she is labouring right now you're going to need a TL;DR, so here it is - I hope you can read quick:

• DON'T TOUCH THE BABY aside from offering support an gently guiding them to a soft landing if mum isn't able to do this
• Don't pull the baby
• Jesus fuckin H, don't try to TURN the baby
• Do NOT cut, clamp or tie off the cord. Do not!
• Don't burrito the baby
• Don't hat the baby
• Don't separate the baby from his mother
• Channel Douglas Adams and locate your towel(s)
• And most importantly: DON'T PANIC 👍

Call for help

Make the call for help. As in an actual telephone call, not just shouting HELP HELP. If the bod on the phone does advise doing any of that stuff (pulling, clamping, hatting, etc) ☝️ your best bet is probably to ignore it. There is a good chance they haven't specialised and are just reading off an outdated script.

Keep the surroundings quiet and calm

See above - your most important job. This task is ongoing. Remember the birth is not complete until the placenta is out and you know that it's all there.

Nuts and bolts

Keep your head, and remember the little, simple things. If you're at home, make sure that when help arrives, it can get in. Grab a bunch of towels. Ready? Got your game face on?

Vroom vroom

If you're driving, whoops, this is going to be a bit more tricky. Oh well, we live and learn. You might want to pull over somewhere safe and legal. In this case you're probably fucked on the towel front, you'll have to improvise. We'll get to that bit.

Birth position

Wherever you might be - don't make her lie back. Fuck the movies. Encourage her to get up and lean forward. Don't try to make her hold it in or pant like a pissing bull mastiff or anything like that.

What you can suggest (and "suggest" is the right word) is a chest to floor position. This can help to ease the intensity a bit. It can also help to slow baby's descent. Only a bit, mind. When the baby comes, the baby comes - we can't stop it. Get your big boy pants on.

Towels

Speaking of movies - ever wondered why they yell for loads of towels? Very handy thing, during a birth, towels. Use some to make a soft landing for the baby. Have some more on hand to dry baby and help keep him warm. I remember one midwife telling me about catching a baby in her leather jacket, which is arguably much cooler. But if you don't have one, towels are fine.

If you opted for the mad dash, something like a cardy, sweater or t-shirt will do in a pinch. Belonging to mum is ideal, but failing that, something of yours is OK. How precious are you about your shirts?

If you read through the Speedy Babies cheat sheet for mum, you'll already know this bit. If mum is in water this can be a safe option for the baby if:

• There is nothing in the water (no bubbles or aromatherapy oils for example - these could harm baby's eyes)
• The water is comfortably warm. Body temp, so, about 36-38 degrees C.
• The water is deep enough that mum's bum is well under the surface. Baby is stimulated to breathe by exposure to air. Until then, he should be getting oxygen through the cord. There is usually a short wait once the head is out, and then the body slithers out with the next contraction. This is perfectly normal and safe - he's spent the last nine months in water remember.
• Once the baby is fully out, you prompt mum to pick him up.

Hello baby!

Does he look a bit bluish? I repeat: don't panic. Keep your brain engaged. He probably came out in a big hurry and he hasn't switched over to external systems, yet. He's relying on the cord for oxygen until that happens, so for fucks sake don't tie it off or cut it. Make a mental note of how he's doing so you can relay that to the medical people on the phone or when they get to you. Good tone, or floppy? Is he pinking up well? Alert?

Keep mama WARM. Got any blankets? More towels? Close windows, stop draughts, turn the heating up a bit.

Keep mum and baby together, skin to skin, with a cover over them both. No hat! No burrito-ing of the baby! Just a blanket or towel is perfect. This is the best way to facilitate normal mammalian behaviours and (this is important) offers some protection against excessive bleeding. It does mean waiting for your turn to cuddle the baby. Be patient!

Baby may well be looking for boob after about 20 minutes or so. Support this process and keep them together, regardless of how mum plans to feed the baby. They need to stay together to maximise oxytocin, ie. minimise bleeding. The midwives have synthetic oxytocin for this bit, but I very much doubt you have any, so you are leaning hard on Mother Nature for this. Baby also needs his mother's support to regulate all his own systems. He's been relying on her for months, and he is still transitioning right now. Don't pull the rug out from under him. Update installing. Please wait.

So - to recap: keep mum and baby together, warm, skin to skin, with an intact cord.

And: Don't separate them yet, not for love nor money, or you'll shag up the 3rd stage and put her at risk of haemorrhage.

Placenta

If the placenta comes out before the medical types get to you (unlikely, unless you live in the arse-end of nowhere) leave it be, or plonk it in a bowl or tub. DON'T BIN IT! Don't worry, I'm not suggesting you save it for a fry up tomorrow. A professional will need to check it's complete. If any bits are still left behind in there, it can cause no end of trouble.

Bacteria

Be verrrrrry choosy what touches the baby. Mum and anything belonging to mum (eg. her jumper) is fine. Anything else - keep to a minimum. You don't want to expose the baby to the wrong bacteria. This is something to bear in mind especially if baby comes rocketing out, say, in the back of an ice cream van, or aisle 3 in Tesco.

Mum's wellbeing

Keep an eye on mum. If she looks happy and amazed by/in love with her baby (most likely outcome) that's a good sign. If she's shivering get her warm. If she is pale, sweaty, disinterested in her baby - keep a close eye, and update the medical professionals about her condition so they can advise. Remember: some blood loss is normal. Women have more blood while pregnant, and the female body expects to lose the excess following the birth of the baby. Whatever excess she doesn't lose at birth, she will lose over the coming weeks. If her oxytocin levels are low after the birth of the baby, it leaves her open to bleeding too much. The best protection against that is being warm, calm, skin to skin with baby. This is why you don't separate them until after that vulnerable window has passed. I cannot emphasise this enough.

It's your turn

Now you can get your shirt off and snuggle.

Dr. Nils Bergman has shown that 30 minutes of skin to skin with his baby at birth rewires a man's brain for fatherhood.

Buckle up, it only gets weirder and more intense from here.

Final note:

If your partner has given birth in a way that is considered newsworthy (say on an aeroplane, or in the doorway of McDonald's at 4am when you stopped for a mid-labour snack on your way home from hospital after being told "no, it's not active labour yet) please make sure to mention that the mum actually did the most important and tricky part, and you were, if anything, merely the Robin to her Batman.

_________________________

Book your antenatal class and get your game face on: