Men logo

Content warning

This story may contain sensitive material or discuss topics that some readers may find distressing. Reader discretion is advised. The views and opinions expressed in this story are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Vocal.

Men Need to Hear This:

You Owe It To Yourself

By ~TuckerPublished about a month ago 6 min read
Image by Designecologist

"I do not love you and I do not respect you."

These are the words spoken by none other than a woman to her man; the partner she has shared a life with for over twenty years, the father of her children and father to her child from a previous relationship.

These are words, among many, that hold such vile, nasty, and spiteful disdain towards a man who she holds onto as a partner, but at the same time, despises him.

The question among many is "Why?"

Why are they still together? Why does he stay? Why does she stay?

If she can't stand him, then why not break it off and be with a man who makes you happy?

Why stay with a woman who berates you, undermines you, and disrespects you?

How can you share a bed with someone who seethes at you at every waking moment?

Here is the thing: a man and a woman alone cannot make you happy. Inner happiness, finding your own worth, finding a purpose and a calling, those are things that can ultimately give you peace.

Engaging and encouraging toxicity such as this is going to inevitably be both parties' downfall. Both are victims to each other. The man is submissive, he has nearly given up on the possibility of defending himself. He allows this treatment, and he also cannot help this treatment being done to him. He puts others before him and does little to provide himself self-satisfaction.

The woman constantly pushes herself to improve in life, but she has a disgusting habit of putting others down around her. She is so far into herself that she lacks the awareness to realize how and why she hurts others. This woman's words are cutthroat and reasoning with a brick wall is the hardest thing to do.

One might think: They remain together for their children's sake.

A foolish thing to do.

The man and woman have forced their children to grow up in an environment where virulent, loud yelling and shouting, threatening words and actions, and fear, anxiety, and anger fester.

While they are able to provide their children with necessities, the children, individually, grow up with their own mental, emotional, and psychological instabilities. Some have it worse than others, some are better than others.

Some might say the glue in the family tries their hardest to keep everything together, and that glue is said to be the middle child, at best.

When a young child is forced to fight for their parents and fight against their parents, forced to question calling the only emergency number they learned for fear of one parent hurting the other or each other, or devising a risky plan to run away from the constant psychological warfare--how can that be described as the ideal childhood?

Sure. No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect. But if the children's sake was under consideration, perhaps the two parents could have created a healthy co-parenting agreement and have separate love-lives.

"You can't change the past,"--we can agree on that. However, think about your present and future, and analyze the past to make improvements now.

Time has passed and those children grew up. Just how long should that man and woman stay together in this tug-of-war with a thin, thin rope to hold onto?

When will the man do something? How can you be in a relationship with someone who claims they do not love you, and with someone who openly and directly says they do not respect you?

In other words, all he is doing is accepting this and therefore, does not love himself nor respect himself.

Again. These two are victims to each other, and they are also each other's aggressors. Yet, he owes it to himself to put himself first. His own happiness and his own worth can only be provided by him.

While he may love this woman, she is far from the woman he loved in the beginning.

While she may have loved him, if what she says is true, how she really feels about him, then she should have let this man go a long time ago, before things got this out of hand.

You cannot have it both ways: love a man and stay with him, hate a man and stay with him.

I propose this: Learn to let go and love from afar.

The man and woman deserve love and happiness, just as anyone. Perhaps neither was actually ready and never prepared for a relationship, and the life they imagined together did not turn out as planned.

You do not need validation from a man or woman in order to get the love and happiness you deserve. Family and friends, and even your own company can be enough to satisfy that ache in your heart, as hard as it may be to understand and get used to. Some people are not meant to have relationships because the commitment to another person is difficult.

Of course, relationships take work and effort. But, if the relationship you're in constantly drags you down, weighs heavy on you, and sucks you dry of any love and affection, one can assume it would be extremely difficult to exude that energy and offer your partner anything they need or desire.

When you build a relationship that has a lot of risks and responsibilities, you have to make uncomfortable and important decisions and come to terms with the reality of the situation:

  • Financial Security - Do you rely on your partner's income? Create a savings plan, become resourceful and generate your own income to become financially secure on your own. Split your funds equally and create savings for your children.
  • Housing - Is your living situation dependent on your partner? If the home you live in or lease is in their name, look for housing that is affordable and think of a plan B in case the threat of being kicked out becomes a reality. If you are threatened with being kicked out, that is manipulation. The threat hangs in the air and is used to keep you on a leash, to behave, because you have nowhere else to go and they know that. So, you're forced to stay and take the abuse. Yes. This is abuse.
  • Children - Do not have your children pick sides. Do your best as a parent to establish healthy relationships with your children. If it comes to it, seek out a lawyer and family court to help you with securing the rights to your children and creating a healthy boundary between you and your partner while also being able to parent your children on an equal basis. In the case of extreme abuse, do what you can to ensure your children's safety from an aggressive parent. Abuse is not just physical: recognize mental, emotional, and psychological abuse. You owe it not only to yourself, but to your children, to protect them from that.
  • Family and Close Relationships - Do you have a support system? Do you have family and friends you can rely on? Trustworthy colleagues, employees and employers, an HR department? Use these connections to your advantage to seek out help. Talk with someone and eventually, seek out therapy. This is a day and age where mental health is spoken about more than ever and toxic masculinity is being questioned and analyzed. Men are more likely to shut up and move on and pretend like everything is fine and eventually forget how much inner turmoil they actually have until things blow up in their face or bites them back in different ways.

The fact of the matter is that men suffer, too. Men can be victims, too. If you believe in a lie you tell yourself, eventually, it will become a twisted, deluded truth.

Sometimes, she isn't the one. And that is okay.


About the Creator


I'm a writer who enjoys the nightly prowls of a lost soul looking for a mate to "mate" with. But that's not all I write about. I enjoy drama and suspense. Aside from writing, I love to Netflix and chill and play video games.

Enjoyed the story?
Support the Creator.

Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.

Subscribe For Free

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

    ~TuckerWritten by ~Tucker

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.