The Betrayal of Family

This will be a moment of catharsis for me because I've been holding all of this in for a few months now. With the help of my husband I have realised that professional help will be needed for me to properly process and let go of the emotions I have around the situation I'm about to tell you.

Back in January of this year, my husband and i got married. It was a typically hot & dry Australian summer's day. A small group of us consisting of a few family and friends gathered in a lush area of a local botanical gardens and we had a quick intimate ceremony.

Despite the sweat rolling down my back and my feet swelling to an uncomfortable size in my high heels I was ecstatic. I was marrying the man who had stolen my heart and given me opportunities I'd never thought I'd have, like owning our own business.

However, whenever I'd glance at my mum, I didn't see the happiness and motherly love a daughter would expect on her big day. I didn't and couldn't think much about it at the time, I was too busy soaking in the overall happiness and fun everyone else was having. It was only later that day, when we invited everyone back to our place that I really got an inkling that something was wrong.

While getting a drink from the kitchen, my mum came in and shoed out the guest I was chatting with. She then looked at me with a sternness I hadn't expected and said, "Has Matthew ever threatened you?" Naturally I stunned.

"No of course not," I replied with disbelief in my voice. "Why are you asking me this now? It's our wedding night."

Mum seemed to ignore my response. "Are you sure? Just remember you can tell me if anything happens." Again I assured her that Matt had never been physically or verbally abusive towards me and she finally backed off.

Looking back now, I wish I'd kicked her out of my house for showing such disrespect to me on my wedding day. What a horrible time to raise an unprovoked thought. My husband wasn't that kind of man.

To give you a very quick back story, my husband is 18 years older than me, I'm in my early 30's and he's in his early 50's. As most modern romances being these days we met online around 2018. I found him smart, engaging, worldly, confident and put-together, which is a lot more than I could say for men my age. He found me sweet, youthful, caring and, most important for him, understanding. Matt is a war veteran, he served 9 years in the SAS and as a result now suffers from PTSD along with other physical issues. His past is littered with violence, tragedy and struggles. But he's also done amazing things like father children, complete an arts degree and owned multiple million dollar businesses. He's overcome a lot in his life and as far as we're concerned the past is in the past.

However, my parents don't see it that way.

Cut to the beginning of October this year and my bestie, who'd also been my maid of honor, came around to our house to say goodbye as my husband and I were moving to QLD. It was during this conversation that she felt the need to confess something to me. She told me that on the day of our wedding, my parents had asked her to sabotage the wedding. To do or say something that would stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life. She then went on to tell me that my mum had gotten my friends number so she could keep tabs on me through her.

You may not agree, but I wasn't mad at my friend for keeping this from me. She never followed through with what my parents asked of her, nor had she had any contact with my mum. In fact, I was thankful she hadn't distanced herself or ended our friendship over my parents behaviour.

I hugged her and thanked her for telling me, but underneath I was screaming.

What sort of parents try to ruin their own daughters wedding? Her happiness?

On the outside they appeared warm and friendly, always giving Matt a hug hello and spending time chatting and laughing. They gave us Christmas gifts and while they had had some issues with Matt's checkered past, they were never openly concerned.

And yet how wrong I was. In a fight that occurred earlier on the day we were leaving, my parents let loose with how they really felt about my husband. They called him a liar and a coward, they accused him of taking me away from my family and that I'd be isolated in QLD. Mind you I didn't have a network of friends or family that I was leaving behind, nor did my parents have anyone but themselves. My younger brother was excited for us as a sea change was something we'd both been craving and our small business was allowing us the opportunity to achieve that.

It all sounds ridiculous when you consider I'm a 33 year old woman who was never treated like a princess or a daddy's girl. I was never put on a pedistool and told no man would deserve me. And yet here they were, plotting behind my back to ruin my wedding and then throw undue accusations at my husband as we prepared for our exciting next chapter.

As far as I'm concerned, the 33 year long relationship I'd had with my parents is over-- broken beyond repair. I harbor so much hate, distrust, betrayal and resentment towards them now that I don't want anything to do with them.

Yesterday was Christmas Day and it was the first time I'd received communication from my mum. She sent me a text messaged that was signed, 'love to you both.' I didn't believe it for a second.

I messaged her back and told her I know what her and dad tried to do on my wedding day, what they tried to get my best and only friend to do. I told her I was disgusted by their behaviour and every wedding photo I have with them in it is ruined because I know their smiles are fake.

It's no surprise I haven't heard back from her, and I haven't heard from my dad either.

My husband's been hurt by the whole situation too, and not because he felt a strong connection to my parents but because he's seen the pain I've been through, heard the hurt in my voice and wiped the tears I've cried.

We are living a great new life, but the trauma they've caused me lingers in a way that's exhausting. I need counselling to help me move on and I will seek it soon, but in the mean time this is me letting this little corner of the internet know of the betrayal I've been through this year. If you've been through something similar or have your own story to share please leave a comment.