The Diary Of The 2020 Quarantine

Note: This is all satire.

March 13th

Today we were told we need to stay at home and quarantine to help stop the spread of the coronavirus.

I get to work from home in my PJs- how exciting is this going to be?

March 16th

My first day of working at home and the tech guy had to call me to hook up the system to my computer.  Once he did I was able to work for a couple hours this morning in the clothes I slept in.

I ate lunch on the couch while streaming movies and felt like a little kid again

This afternoon I got to actually take a nap for the first time in ten years! My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day, but look at me now, I’m saving the world.

What a perfect life!

March 17th

No parade this year for St. Patty's day- how awful!

My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely make up for it when this is over in another week.

He says that I may be working from home for awhile and that I will get bored.

I don't think that's possible.

March 20th

This is the life!

The first day of Spring and I spent it in my front yard pulling weeds and smelling that fresh air!

I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much tending to my home, but I'll certainly enjoy getting my house back into looking the way it's supposed to be.

March 23rd

We make be stuck in the house for another 2 weeks.

Bought tons of toilet paper, paper towels, tissues and napkins.

Stocked the freezer.

Saw people at the grocery store fighting over cleaning supplies.

I think that's silly.

We aren't in the Twlight Zone, after all.

March 24th

I think I am gaining about 20 pounds while working from home.

All I do is eat junk food and drink wine.

This guy on Twitter laughed, which I think was very cruel.

March 26th

Nothing to do but stare at the computer and try not to let that irritate me.

I can't believe that I have been stuck in this house for practically the entire month of March.

No sports to watch to top this nightmare all off.

I would like to return my 3 month trial of 2020.

PS My brother called: Told me it was Homeschooling day #10: my nephew graduated. Done.

 March 27th

I can hear my neighbor yelling at her kids to do their damn homework and stop asking her dumb questions like what's for dinner.

I thought I would go to the grocery store  and pass the time and buy more toilet paper but they are out of it.

Might have another shipment in April.

I think they're lying.

I'll go on Facebook to complain.

March 28th

Took me 45 minutes to log in to the work portal because everyone else is doing the same thing and the Internet is slow again.

So I tried to go to the grocery store again for more toilet paper but the manager again told me that the shipment is coming in next week.

I think the a--hole is lying.

March 30th

Thought I was having a heart attack.

Being trapped in this damn house is getting to me. I think I am starting to hear voices.

I think my neighbor must be playing a joke on me.

I know he is hiding around the corner and waiting for me to come home with the toilet paper. I can hear his little eerie voice now.

The coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers and we get really excited about going outside.

April 1st

Happy April Fool's Day!

Not feeling the need to fool people today. The universe already has it covered.

The idea of having to stay home for another month makes my blood boil.

April 3rd

God, I hate my house!

I used to love being home, alone, having quiet time but now that I spent so many days in this house,  all I see are walls that need to be repainted, tile that has to be fixed, pictures that are hanging up crooked and did I mention that the fridge has this smell in it like something died?

My neighbor says I have a bad attitude.

I think he's an idiot.

April 4th

Still quarantined.

Still home.

Went to the supermarket to buy toilet paper.

The workers told us they were only letting in 5 at time.

They really are getting on my nerves.

Who the hell has to stand in line for freaking toilet paper?

What world am I in?

PS: Does anyone know if we can take showers yet, or should we just keep washing our hands?

April 7th

Happy Birthday to me! Really.

April 12th

Still quarantined.  Still have to stay at home.

This all is now starting to drive me crazy!!!

On another note, If anyone owes you money go to their house NOW; they should be home!

April 15th

My neighbor says that all the grocery stores are putting

That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

April 17th

I beat up the manager of the grocery store because my neighbor got toilet paper and I didn't. That low-life told me he had none when obviously he was lying and didn't want to give me any.   Now he is suing me for a million dollars.

April 21st

Silence.

I'm dead inside.

If only those selfish jerks would have listened and stayed the hell at home when they were supposed to, we would not have to still be stuck at home.

Maybe I should get my pitchfork ready. Just In Case. I am complaining again to Facebook!

April 25th

I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, punctuation typo...I’m giving up! Drinking for a month!

April 29th

Day 45 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”

May 1st

For the first time in over 2 months I feel like a new person!

I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed?