How Creativity Helped Heal Breast Cancer

I was just getting through the psychological shock that a breast cancer diagnosis plunges you into when I decided to dive head first into the three therapies I would employ to get through this incredibly difficult experience.

Fortunately, my family already had behavioral and psychiatry therapists on hand since my autistic son is in therapy year-round. They both helped my entire family tremendously. I also hired a personal therapist as well to help guide me through my treatment.

My second main therapy consisted of eggs, bacon, creamy dreamy grits, and gallons of coffee. In my world, this is also known as the High Flyer breakfast at The Flying Biscuit. On some level, I believed that coffee and bacon would truly help me get through to the end (pretty much it did).

My third and maybe most powerful healing was in my art journaling practice.

I’m a local Charlotte, NC artist with an 11-year stint of participating in local art shows. I write blog posts, scrapbook sometimes, make paper books, make spirit cards when I feel the need to, and I create other crafts whenever the mood strikes.

Specifically healing through my breast cancer journey was going to involve paint (LOTS of paint), magazine pages, scissors, glue, and intentional time in my studio (aka “the garage”).

I had taken a class several years prior to this time in my life from one of my favorite artists, Catherine Anderson. As an active artist, I already had all of the supplies needed for the art journaling process I felt that I needed to do.

When ready, I excused myself from my kids to head out to my studio. My two boys (then 12 and 15), who were on this scary breast cancer journey with me, let me know they were all set with what they were doing and bid me farewell.

I cleared a spot on my big, square table still surrounded by too much “garage stuff” but the space was manageable. I started by tearing full, thick magazine pages out of different catalogs and periodicals that had images I didn’t want. When I had enough pages to get started (I felt like 20 was good) I squirted nickel-sized splats of paint onto one of the heavy magazine pages. Then I’d take another page and smoosh it onto the painted page. Then I’d pull the two pages apart.

What an incredibly fun process this is!

Peeling the pages apart revealed new combined color schemes and gorgeous designs that can be nearly impossible to predict. I had so much fun turning a page slightly and smooshing it back onto its sister page. Together with new angles and twists, I could create an entirely new pattern and design on both pages.

I would splat, smoosh, and pull apart the transformed pages until each page was fully covered in paint. This paint process was a refreshing respite in the midst of the craziness I had been plunged into.When I loved both pages, I’d set them aside to dry and I’d start on the next set.

As I did this paint smooshing process, I had no concept of time. I’d have no idea how long I’d been in the garage, how many pages I’d done, or if I was hungry or not. One night (of many) my youngest son stuck his head in the garage to ask about dinner. Had it been an hour already? Four?

Oof.

“Umm, you’ll need to get dinner on your own again, my love” as I held up my gorgeously colored painted hands to him as if to say, “I can’t possibly get your dinner for you since I’m so deep in this project and paint in your food is not very safe.”

Thank goodness my kids were awesome and able to fend for themselves during that difficult time. Mason looked at me, resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to come in to help prepare food for him and his brother, and went back inside.

It was hard times all around during that long year.

As the paint dried on my colorful collection that was spread gorgeously all over the garage floor, I headed back into the house after I-do-not-know-how-long, scrubbed my hands the best that I could, and went to bed.

In the next few days after my base pages were ready, I would start flipping through magazines. I looked through National Geographics, Oprah Magazines, old calendars, cool product catalogs, art books from thrift stores, and anything else I had found that was stored in my large cabinet chock full of images specifically curated for cutting and pasting.

I’d quickly flip through the magazines roughly tearing out any image that struck me as possibly being important or significant.

I love this project any time of year, but this particular time I was solely focused on healing through this cancer. For the journals I was creating, I wanted every image to show the story of my breast cancer – how I got here, how I would heal, what feelings I might move through, what I needed to know, what I needed to do, how I could help my kids, how I could make my life better so I would decrease my chances of getting sick again, and, and, and. I wanted to dive deep into my diagnosis to come out stronger (and alive) on the other side.

I found pictures of bees, beautiful women with bare breasts (National Geographic of course), eyes, pathways through the woods, flowers that struck me as beautiful, dancers, and words. I found lots of words that felt helpful like “Explore” “Your family?” “A Time of Reckoning” “Mystery” “Great Body” “Meet the Beauty in the Beast” “Wild” “Dream Catcher” etc…

My healing art journals (I ended up making a second after the second surgery) are filled to the brim with words that truly touched my heart through my medical treatment.

I want to note that I didn’t end up getting radiation or chemotherapy. For my diagnosis, I opted to have a bilateral mastectomy and to reconstruct both breasts. I had a third surgery several months after my final reconstruction procedure when a post-treatment medication did something to my body that was not awesome.

All is said and done now and I am as diligent as possible in continuing all healthy practices including decreased quantities of coffee and bacon as well as my art journaling that I’m sharing here.

If you find yourself in a difficult spot in life, art journaling is a phenomenal practice that can help you move out of your headspace and really learn what your heart wants you to know. You can find courses that I recommend here, though there are hundreds of artists who can teach you different styles of healing art journaling.

Once my painted pages were fully dried and I had a hefty stack of images cut out from magazines and books that I loved, I started the next steps.

I put different painted pages together in a way that felt happy to me. I cut all of the pages to the same size and simply folded them in half to make a book. I then cut out individual images, words, and shapes from the extra painted magazine pages that were left over. Again, I got completely lost in the process of exploring the healing I was already doing.

There were specific phrases and words that were imperative to highlight. For example, “Oh, I don’t think you have a choice” was as powerful as any. When my doctor said those words to me in the order that she said them and at the exact time and tone that she said them, it was the moment I knew I had been diagnosed with cancer.

That exact phrase demanded to be on the first page of my journal. I had to cut out different words and letters to create the phrase because “Oh, I don’t think you have a choice” is not a typical headline.

To go with this life-changing phrase, I chose an image of a home with lightning above it. Sometimes I have no idea why an image needs to go where it does. I work hard to let my intuition and the images go where they want to. On some level, I’m just the one with the scissors and glue letting what wants to come, come.

Flaps were cut out and pasted down. Holes were punched out and colorful yarn was thread through hidden doorways in my journal. Letters and words were carefully shaped and added to each page. Extra painted magazine pages were cut into human silhouettes and flowers and added throughout my journal.

My healing journal filled up with my beautiful, tragic, tiring, and hopeful story in the days and weeks that I would go through all that I had to experience on my way to being cancer-free.

And then, one day, my healing journal felt complete.

I don’t recall exactly when it was done. I’m sitting here now as it rests on the table next to me and it shines bright my complete story of breast cancer.

To finish it off, I added several meaningful beads that tie around it with the perfect strand of twine.

To look at this colorful collection from any eyes and heart that isn’t mine would be to miss the magic that is my healing art journal. To hold it in your hands might allow one to feel a glimmer of its power, but I’m unsure about that. It stays protected in my bag of collected items from my breast cancer experience. This journal that I created is a powerful compilation of my very own sorrow, hope, and breast cancer story.

As I write this, I know I’ll be headed back into the garage to create more paint-splotched pages in the coming days. I’ll dive back into different books and magazines to tear out pages that call to my heart. I’ll need my scissors, a few glue sticks, and time. I’ll need to give myself time to create.

Time is such an important ingredient for your healed life.

In this moment, there are no pressing issues I’m aware of that need to be uncovered in my life. As time moves along as it always does, I will see what my next art journal wants to share with me. And I will listen. I am smiling thinking about what I might discover today, if only that I’m worth taking time to create something from my heart.

And I ask you, dear reader, where will you put your time when difficulties in life emerge? Tough times seem to visit us throughout our lives and maybe you’re traveling with them right now.

I hope you’ll take the time to explore the images your heart wants you to see. You don’t have to be diagnosed with cancer to get started. You’re invited to dive into art journaling right now. Today. Tomorrow. Within the coming week.

I took the time because I am worth it.

You are, too. You are so very worthy.