Five Reasons Why Thrift Shopping is the Shit

And now, an ode to savings and treasure-hunting.

1. The Savings Tho

When I go shopping at the mall, I religiously check price tags, nervously carry around my sparse selections, and emerge from the dressing rooms with maybe one item I have deemed to be worthy of the price that it has been assigned. Whether or not I can afford these clothes is not necessarily the issue, it's more of a question of if I can justify buying it. If you are like me in this aspect, then a thrift store is a dangerously wonderful reprieve. Oh, you got that shirt from H&M for 12 bucks? That’s cool. I got these 5 shirts for 12 bucks, and one of them has a fuckin’ aardvark on it.

2. You Can Pat Yourself on the Back for Making Eco-friendly Choices

When I was in middle school, I attended science camp where I learned about reducing, reusing and recycling. Yes, this was in California, which is why it accurately sounds like what your average middle American would consider a liberal nazi brainwash camp. Well apparently it worked, because I can honestly say that it feels pretty good when I am doing my best to not contribute to any sort of waste, or unbeknownst to me contribution to sweatshop production. Now, let me not get too high and mighty here. Y’all know imma be up in those retail stores come winter when I need to easily find some specialized short pants for these stub of legs of mine.

3. You Find the Coolest Damn Stuff.

Most people assume that thrift stores are just collections of dirty old junk, but for the most part, I’ve found thrift stores work hard to fish out clean and useful items to display and sell from their mountains of donations. My aunt regularly checks thrift stores for silver and antiques, most of which are not recognized for the value they are actually worth until she comes upon them. The saying "one man’s trash is another man’s treasure" has never been so literal.

You know that sitcom bit where two people show up to the event wearing the same clothes? Rest assured, this will never be the case with a thrift store wardrobe. Thrift stores are like magical time machines that collect the clothes and knickknacks of people from all generations. (Sometimes you just have to try not to think about how some of the stuff is probably there after its' owner keeled over, and the family members didn’t want to deal with an estate sale*). Want to try to bring back fleece? You got it. Want to parse together a Halloween costume? Sweet. I've even found cute little numbers from my favorite current brands.

4. Procrastinators and Preppers Alike, Rejoice

Some look at the inconsistency of thrift stores as an inconvenience, but I see it as an all-access pass to a year-round closet. Transcend earthly constraints such as "seasons" that retail stores would try to subject you to. Want to buy a children's snow suit in summer? You do that shit.

5. This Doesn’t Count as Shopping, but Apparently if You Donate to Certain Thrift Stores You Get Tax Write Offs?!

So not only do these magical places take your junk that you don’t want to have to deal with anymore and are too lazy/ ashamed to sell, they give you a piece of paper to get free recycled government money in return? (TBH, still figuring out this tax stuff. Give me a few more tax seasons).

So, long story short, thrift stores were awesome before Macklemore's hit single, and they'll continue to be awesome after your soul leaves this mortal coil and your junk you've collected becomes assimilated into their ranks.

*Come to think of it, if you're in the market for haunted items, thrift shopping may also hold some stock for you.