Embracing the Grieving Process

I spent most of my life being blissfully unaware of what it felt like to lose someone close. Then within 2 years I lost my Mother, and my dog Echo, who is more aptly described as my daughter. Ironically, they both passed from cancer.

My mother had been battling it for 18 months and during that time we were able to make so many wonderful memories. My baby Echo, was a bit more unexpected. I took her in on a Monday because she had stopped eating. After numerous specialists visits and overnight stays, that Friday a CT scan discovered that her lungs were littered with tumors. Surgery wouldn't be effective. There was nothing to be done and in 1 week my life changed in a very profound way.

I was turned upside down. This came 6 weeks after my soon-to-be ex-husband and I separated. There was a lot of newness and uncertainty going on. Echo was my rock, she'd been with me for the past 7 years. Through career changes, deaths, marriage and divorce, she was there. We were inseparable. We had a connection deeper than that I've shared with any human.

I wanted to shut down, I didn't want to play anymore. In the days that followed her passing I realized there was also still some unprocessed grief around my Mother. I decided to just let myself feel. Fully embrace the anger, fear, despair and of course, epic sadness associated with both deaths. I put on my various hats of victim, self-pity, rage and guilt, and I just let it all come up and out of my being. I screamed, I sobbed, I beat up my pillow then screamed some more.

Several days later a shift started to happen. I started feel a deep sense of love and peace. After all, what would my Mother and my closest friend want me to do now? Continue to feel alone, afraid, and immobile? Perhaps not. Perhaps having two amazing souls to guide me was just what I needed to give me the strength to keep pushing on.

The strength, presence and joy they both exuded were beautiful reminders of how to live my own life. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I had the immense privilege to experience these beings in my life. I could only be this sad because I had something so great.

I've discovered that there doesn't need to be a definitive "grieving period". I can carry on with my life, and I can enjoy it. I can also be sad that they're no longer in my daily life. That doesn't mean that their spirit isn't with me encouraging me to do my best, enjoy my life, and open my heart to even more love.