Death, the circle of life

Hi Tribe-Community! I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and did not post it at that time, but thought it was worth sharing with you.

I woke this morning FEELING ALL KINDS OF FEELS! One of my best friends lost her grandmother last night. I had tears in my eyes last night for my friend. Her heart pain was palpable in her text; I can feel her now; she's hurting and processing this loss. I am sending her so much love and trying to be there to support her. It's challenging with grief; grief comes in waves. Unfortunately, I know my life in the past was filled with tragedy, loss, darkness, but now it shines with beautiful light. I have lost so many people in my life, I am the eldest in my family, and I am only 53.

My friend's loss brought up something that needs to be said; my heart and soul ache to say it, as it spews from my fingertips now as I write this.

In my early 40's I was swiftly kicked in the ass with the notion that I was the elder in my family after my uncle's passing. I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise that It happened; Uncle Steve was the last living relative I had as an elder, and cancer took him from us. A hard f****** pill to swallow, I felt, again, alone, but not alone.

I have always had this intrinsic knowing as a very young child that there was a force bigger than myself that was still guiding and protecting me. I know this sounds crazy; I thought of the moon as my mother and the rest of the planet as my father. From the time I was six years old, and I could make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on my own, I would get my fishing pole and go to the lake on the land that my father worked as ranch-hand, and we lived over the barn. I helped my father take care of the horses; I was in heaven working with those majestic, magical, powerful animals! Nature has always been my sanctuary.

I would walk my little, blonde-haired, blue-eyed self down to the lake and go fishing for hours. I would watch the dragonfly and listen to the birds as the wind blew through my hair. My safe place was nature because when I went home, this was hell; this was where daddy was, and where daddy was, I was never secure.

As I said, I woke this morning feeling sad and a bit triggered because some of you may or may not know that I am a grandmother of 6 amazing grandkids, ranging in age of 2 to 18! I had my first grandchild come into my life when I was 38!. I was only 14 when I had my first daughter! Yes, everything in my life has not been "normal" if you read my first book, "I Am Not My Story, and neither are you," you know! I am anything but "normal." I love the non "normal" souls; this is my TRIBE. I love all of us misfits, poets, scar-carrying, artists, musicians, writers, survivors, brave-warriors, the light-filled souls that dare to be different in a world full of sheep. These are the souls in my tribe; YOU BEAUTIFUL SOUL reading this! I love you, I see you, YOU SHINE!!!!!!

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Yes, I woke up this morning with all the "FEELS" of my friend's grandmother's passing, her needing to take a self-care day to process the loss.

This loss for my friend triggered my mortality "feels," and I have this inner knowing that I don't have any FEAR OF DEATH! The only fear I have around death is its impact on my family when I am gone!

I want them to be at peace when I leave so that I can be at ease when I go if you know what I mean.

The thought of my daughters breaking down and not moving past my death gives me a tremendous amount of anxiety and pain; tears pour down my face as I write this!

I want to leave this plane in peace, planted like a tree, and have my family grieve, of course; that's natural, but I want them to be at peace. I want to have peace in my soul when I leave, knowing that my daughters and all of my grandkids will take everything that I have taught them and feel my presence, and smell my smell of essential oils, what my daughter calls the "nana scent." I want them to see a candle and know that I am within that light when it's lit. I want them to see the moon and the sun and the stars and know that I am shining down on them every moment of every day, in spirit.

I want them to talk to me; I want them not to forget me. I want my tribe to walk by the pictures of me and say hi. I want them to share with me when they need to share and feel my guidance and voice as if I was still with them.

I want them to walk through the forest and see me in the trees flying around as a tree fairy. I want them to walk the trail and feel me holding their hand as we walk the paths that I loved to hike when I was on this earth plane!

I want them to see a Gerber daisy and remember it was my favorite flower. I want them to remember me and how I loved them with all of my heart and soul. I want them to know I made mistakes, I F***** UP, but I LOVED, I LOVED SO F****** DEEPLY THAT MY HEART FEELS ITS EXPLODING WHILE I WRITE THIS!

Writing, for me, takes over, and I spill out. MY FINGERS AND MY HEART DO THE WORK; I sit back and pour it out. Then CRY, or laugh when my fingers stop typing. The tears are pouring now.

In closing, I will say, our relationships with our family and friends, as cliche as this sounds, and it truly is everything that matters to the heart, all there is, is LOVE!

Peace, love, and light~Aleta Medea (Author of the I AM book trilogy)

Follow me @luvjoilyfe #the_luv_joy_lyfe

To purchase my book, you can go to my website www.luvjoilyfe.com