Talk Body Talk

When we're speaking with someone, we are bombarded with all sorts of information, making it hard to figure out what that person is all about. That’s why it’s important to understand HOW we communicate. According to experts, 55% of what we convey comes from body language, 38% from the tone of voice, and only 7% from what we actually say. Meaning that when we're speaking with someone, we have to take all of these factors into account.

So, if you want to gain insight into someone’s personality, pay attention to the following nonverbal cues aka their body language.

1. Manipulating Clothing

Manipulating our clothing during conversation sends a powerful message. Not because of the clothes we wear; but because of the way we use them. Demeanor can be revealed if someone is fidgeting with their scarf or fiddling with the buttons on their jacket. Known as grooming, it involves tweaking one's appearance, even if it's in minor ways when feeling nervous, restless, or embarrassed. So if you catch someone fidgeting with their clothes, now you know exactly how they’re feeling.

Manipulating clothing goes beyond just grooming. Clothing is often used as a barrier to shield our bodies for a sense of protection. People will put their hands in their pockets or add more layers, such as a jacket or hat. These walls signify that they feel uncomfortable and are seeking safety through their clothing. So if you notice these walls going up, understand the person you're dealing with is feeling uncomfortable, and give them a little more room to breathe.

2. Supporting Their Body

Take a look around any room. Pay attention to people’s posture and the way they support their bodies. It's common to see people propped up against a wall or object. However, what you may not recognize is the significance of a person's leaning and how it reflects their emotional state. When someone slouches, their muscles relax. Their spine slumps forward, impeding proper blood circulation. In other words, they're letting themselves relax and that can mean one of two things. Either they're really bored or they're really interested.

How can you tell the difference? The key lies in observing posture. If their elbow props up their chin and they're actively listening, there's no question that you've piqued their interest. In contrast, if they rest against the wall and keep their arms crossed, chances are they find the conversation dull.

3. Proximity Matters

Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable you feel when someone gets too close? Even if they’re not actually touching you, the notion of it lingers over you. It’s because personal space holds more significance than you may think.

The Hidden Dimension, a book authored by Edward T. Hall, a renowned cultural anthropologist, delves into the significance that personal space holds. Hall sheds light on the various social and cultural implications that space carries. Closeness. Trust. And different levels of physical intimacy.

Our relationships can be organized according to how close someone is standing in a space. This categorization can help us label our acquaintances as partners, friends, or strangers, allowing us to better understand our connections to them. That’s why space, or proximity as Edward Hall calls it, is such a powerful form of body language that's often overlooked because it doesn't require any physical gestures or expressions. It does, however, involve the entire body, as one needs to position oneself in space. Simply by paying attention to proximity, you can uncover a wealth of emotions without any verbal communication.

So how does proximity work? Edward Hall categorized space into four sections: public, social, personal, and intimate. To understand how proximity functions, envision yourself amidst a bustling environment like an airport or mall. Now create a boundary around yourself with a 25-foot diameter and place yourself at the core. That’s a pretty big circle, right? Well, this is your public zone. It's a free space where anyone can travel without making you feel threatened or uncomfortable.

In general, when you don’t know someone, you keep around 12 to 25 feet of distance between you. This is called social space and it varies from person to person and culture to culture. As a rule of thumb, a range of around 12-25 feet is maintained by people when there is no acquaintance. This social zone is where familiarity reigns supreme. It's the ideal place to mingle with acquaintances, colleagues, and classmates, those who aren't friends but not exactly strangers either. People you know to some degree without being actual friends.

The next step down, at around four feet, is your personal space. Your personal space is occupied by acquaintances and trusted friends. Your intimate space however is restricted to only family members, partners, and close friends. Because in this one-foot circle of intimate space, you’re usually making physical contact. You’ve closed the space completely which carries a lot of subconscious weight.

So if you want to gain insight into how someone feels about you, take note of their body language and proximity. Notice how they position themselves, introduce themselves, and interact with you. Whether they maintain distance or make physical contact can reveal a lot about their personality and emotional state. By paying attention to these nonverbal cues, you can better understand their thoughts and feelings toward you.

4. Open Palms

Our hands have long been recognized as a form of communication, conveying unspoken messages that are louder than words. They're the most expressive part of our bodies, capable of displaying a wide range of emotions, from happiness and excitement to anger and sadness. Whether you raise them in triumph or wave them around energetically, our hands tell a story that others can easily read.

However, it's the position of your palms that holds a unique significance. Displaying one's palms is a commonly used gesture by humans and other creatures to indicate that they are not a threat. If confronted with a potential altercation, a person might move away, extend their arms, and expose their palms. This form of nonverbal communication serves as an immediate signal to the opposing party that they are not interested in a confrontation.

By observing a person's open palms, we can judge their character or determine the truthfulness of their words. If someone widens their body and opens their hands, it shows you that they have no hidden intentions and are willing to be open with you. Therefore, individuals who speak while showing their palms are generally seen as trustworthy. Or at least they want you to think they are.

5. The Closed Point

Parents typically tell their children not to point, but why is pointing considered bad behavior? Pointing is a primitive body language that's used by quite a few living creatures - not only humans. In the zoo, you can observe apes pointing at other animals, food, and many other things.

But what does pointing actually mean? By clenching your hand and stretching your index finger, you are establishing authority. Not only does this point signify singling out an individual, but it can also remove them from the collective. This gesture can leave a person feeling left out. Your pointed finger acts as a directive, compelling others to take notice. It places the receiver in the center of attention, whether they desire it or not.

6. The Prolonged Gaze

The first thing we seek in a person is eye contact. When someone avoids making eye contact, it might indicate that something is off. It could mean that the person is experiencing emotions like embarrassment, anxiousness, or insecurity. There's also a possibility that they find it hard to look at you due to feeling intimidated.

But not all eye contact is good, especially when it goes on too long. During initial meetings, you want to limit eye contact to roughly five seconds, allowing you to check the other person out. Smile, introduce yourself, and then glance at something else. You should keep this process going throughout the conversation.

Why does extending eye contact make people uncomfortable? It’s because extended eye contact can often indicate falsehood or some sort of an attempt at manipulation. So don’t let that physical connection fool you. The right amount of eye contact indicates trustworthiness and self-assurance, however, too much of it could suggest ulterior motives.

7. Touching Their Face

When you’re feeling stressed or anxious, your face is a dead giveaway. It turns red. You may experience an itching sensation that can be quite uncomfortable. To alleviate the discomfort, you resort to calming your nerves. The most common method is by repeatedly touching your face, be it scratching your nose, brushing your forehead, or simply rubbing your cheeks. These actions all signify the same thing - anxiety is taking over.

If you spot these language cues in someone else, to put them at ease, the best thing you can do is pretend not to notice as acknowledging these cues might exacerbate the situation. A better approach is to help the person feel more comfortable. If they suddenly stop touching their face, it means you did your job.

8. Holding The Baby

Ok…this might seem like a strange one, but it’s good to know. As a caregiver, one of the most important tasks is holding a baby. It not only provides comfort to the child but also helps in forming a bond between the caregiver and the baby. So next time, you see someone holding a baby, notice which arm they use to cradle the baby. Research has shown that content people generally hold babies in their left arm, while anxious or stressed people tend to hold babies on their right side.

Some of us are pretty good at reading the signs that people give off while others are incapable of doing so and require a more straightforward communication approach. Reading people is an intricate task, but mastering it can be a valuable asset. People vary and, as a result, understanding their verbal and nonverbal cues can often be unreliable. But hopefully, by using these tips, your ability to understand others improves tremendously.

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