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How to become confident in your own skills

Some people inherently have this problem of feeling doubtful all the time. Even good results and experience does not give them confidence.

By Deladem KumordziePublished 2 months ago 7 min read
How to become confident in your own skills
Photo by Blake Weyland on Unsplash

Some people inherently have this problem of feeling doubtful all the time. Even good results and experience does not give them confidence. To the point where they are self-aware and are cautious of celebrating wins in order not to “jinx” the whole process.

So yes, there are tons of people with Incredible skills who lack confidence. While others might think it might be “humbling” everyone needs to exude confidence in order to win at this thing called life. Just the right dose of confidence not over-confidence at the expense of underdelivering.

how about we start with the synonyms? just in case you want a clearer perspective.

What is another word for lack of confidence?

Definition: Hesitancy as a result of some fear or doubt

Synonyms: hesitancy, self-hatred, self-loathing, worry, humbleness, apprehension, self-consciousness, reluctance, constraint, backwardness, Uncertainty, anxiety, self-doubt, insecurity, unassertiveness, indecision.

Sound like us?

Are you part of the list?

If you find yourself agreeing with 3 or more synonyms then you most likely lack confidence. It's alright, we all have that part of us that we aren’t so proud of. But in the general sense of the word, If you have skills but you find yourself reluctant, or hesitant to go for what you want or the right word, “what you deserve” then a lack of confidence is probably holding you back. But before we delve into the solution let's get an understanding of where a lack of confidence might stem from.

What might be the root of this problem?

It is due to the “Dunning — Kruger Effect”

The more you know, the less confident you’re likely to be. Because experts know just how much they don’t know, they tend to underestimate their abilities; but it’s easy to be over-confident when you have only a simple idea of how things are.

Try not to mistake the cautiousness of skilled people as a lack of understanding, nor to give much credence to lay people who appear confident but have only superficial knowledge.

“The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are so certain of themselves, yet wiser people so full of doubts.” ~Bertrand Russell.

Where “lack of confidence“ comes from

Understanding the causes of low self-confidence is the first step in boosting it. The most important thing to know about low self-confidence is that it is not your fault.

The factors that contribute to low self-confidence combine and interact differently for each person. Your genes, cultural background, childhood experiences, and other life circumstances all play a role. although we can’t change the experiences in our past that shaped us, there is plenty we can do to alter our thoughts and expectations to gain more confidence.

Genes and Temperament

Some of what molds our self-confidence is built into our brains at birth. I mention these factors not to overwhelm you, but to let you know that you shouldn’t blame yourself for your self-image.

Studies have shown our genetic makeup affects the amount of certain confidence-boosting chemicals our brain can access. Somewhere between 25 to 50 percent of the personality traits linked to confidence may be inherited.

Some aspects of our behavior also stem from our temperament. If you’re naturally more hesitant and watchful, especially in unfamiliar circumstances, you may have a tendency called “behavioral inhibition.” Behavioral inhibition is not all bad. We need some people in the world who don’t impulsively jump into every situation.

Life Experiences

A number of individual experiences can lead to feeling completely unsure of yourself or even worthless. Here, I’ll discuss a few.

Trauma, Physical, sexual, bullying, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment.

Parenting style

The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you likely carry those messages with you today.


Lack of self-confidence can come from not knowing the “rules” of the confidence game. For example, if we think we have to feel confident in order to act confidently, we set ourselves up for failure.

Perfectionism also contributes to low self-confidence. If we believe we have to have something all figured out before we take action, those thoughts can keep us from doing the things we value. Even learning and understanding what confidence is and isn’t is a big step toward boosting it.

Signs You Have A Lack Of Confidence

You are socially withdrawn

If you find that you often look for excuses to get out of social events or avoid making plans with people outside of anything that is absolutely necessary, it might be because you are not confident.

In these cases, you probably would rather stay home than have to interact with other people in a social setting. You just don’t feel secure in your social skills and don’t want to embarrass yourself.

You have anxiety & emotional turmoil

When you feel anxious about something, it is usually because you are unsure of what the outcome will be. However, when you have confidence in your abilities and in yourself, you will have fewer reasons to experience anxiety or emotional turmoil.

You are unable to accept compliments

When someone compliments you, do you say, “Thank you!” proudly because you believe whatever they just said. However, if you find yourself doubting every compliment even when you worked hard for what they are complimenting you for. Then that is a sign.

You worry often about what other people think

When you are confident, you don’t really care what other people think about you because you love yourself and you know that is all that matters. You know that you aren’t living to make other people happy, but rather you are living to make yourself happy. You see yourself as capable and able to succeed.

You neglect yourself

You don’t take the time to take care of yourself when you have low self-confidence. You may think, “What’s the point?” You stop spending the time to look your best and provide the self-care you need to be your best.

You expect very little out of life

You may not think you are going to be successful in life or get much out of it. You accept mediocre because that’s what you’ve always had. Even if you have been raised with high standards you suddenly think they are unattainable. You might even find yourself undercharging or not expecting your real worth.

You’ve trained yourself to believe that you are missing that “something” that successful people are born with. Life feels unfair because you’ve been denied the ability to succeed.

You take constructive criticism personally

You start to tear up in the bathroom after your supervisor gives you constructive criticism about your performance at work. Rather than taking criticism in an objective manner, you react emotionally or become defensive and angry. You don’t recognize that criticism can help you grow and become more successful.

What to do about the lack of self-confidence

If you are lacking self-confidence, you do have the ability to improve it. If you believe you are incompetent, not smart, unattractive, or any other limiting and negative quality, you can turn these beliefs around. You can start feeling self-assured and capable of following your dreams despite your internal negative voice.

You need to begin to analyze and reflect upon yourself. If you find yourself within this bracket, there are measures you can take to improve your self-confidence.

Practice personal grooming

This might seem like a little change, but continuously practicing this will change the way people even address you. Take the time every morning to properly groom yourself and look presentable for the day. It is surprising how much of a difference it can make when you feel like you look your best.

Change your thinking patterns

It is also important to think positively. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones by learning to become aware of your self-talk and the things that you’re doing. Listen to positive music as an example. Instead of telling yourself that you can’t do something, allow yourself to look forward to the challenge.

Analyze your thoughts.

When you’re trying to surpass your negative self-image and replace it with confidence, you have to take note of your negative thoughts and analyze why you have them. Think about the things that you perceive to be your limitations and consider whether or not they’re real limitations or just ones that you have reinforced mentally.

Be prepared.

You won’t be able to have confidence if you don’t think you will succeed at something. Beat that fear by always preparing yourself as much as you can for whatever is coming your way.

Part of doing this includes increasing your competence. Study or practice your craft whenever you can so you are always up to date on your profession.

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About the Creator

Deladem Kumordzie

Challenging everything I know, unlearning & relearning⚡️ A rare breed of business and technology. Business Planning || Branding || Front End developer || Graphics || Entrepreneur || Interested in Venture Studios

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