Don't Touch My Laundry Or Else (I'll Be Mad And Probably Not Do Anything...)

I’m not a person who is quick to anger. I can stay calm in the face of ignorance, rudeness, and so many other things. But I will not sit idly by while people touch my laundry.

I live in a guesthouse and share a washer-dryer with the folks in the front house; three guys in their 20s. They’re pretty quiet- we haven’t had any issues- when they arrived six months ago, they mostly got the hang of taking out the trash cans to the front before pickup time. (They bring them out, I bring them back.) Did this very small responsibility get shirked a handful of times? Yeah. But no big deal- one time I caught it and brought the cans out myself, and another time we didn’t get to produce exorbitant amounts of waste because our cans were already 80% full. Everyone lived.

Now the other week, on a Saturday morning, I got out of bed with the intention of doing some laundry. When I peeked out of my guesthouse window like the weird hermit freak that the pandemic has made me, I noticed one of the boys putting in laundry.

So, I decided to wait. I mean, obviously I was going to wait, because the machine was occupied. But instead of rushing out an hour later, I figured I’d give my neighbor space. Maybe they were doing multiple loads of laundry.

But when I opened the machine at 4pm, there were clothes inside. Well, that’s fine. Not the end of the world- I’m easy-going and I’m not going to judge a person that doesn’t set a timer. They’ll be back eventually, I told myself.

So, I checked again 30 minutes later, but the clothes still sat.

I did some other things and returned to the machine at 6pm. It was dark by then. The washer was empty, though the dryer was not. How long had those clothes been sitting? They appeared dry…

Well, no matter. I turned on the wash with my linens inside. I checked 40 minutes later when my laundry finished and alas, the dryer was still full. I sighed.

Do I knock? Ugh. No. Do I remove the clothes??? Bigger no. Absolutely not. I’ll wait another hour. No big deal.

I’m a little annoyed, but I am not touching someone’s laundry. So I wait. I check hourly 8:30, 9:30, 10:30… at 11, I look out my window, annoyed.

But now I’m just annoyed at myself because I watch the lights of their main house go off and realize it’s too late. It’s too late to knock, and I should have knocked at 8:30 like a normal human — it couldn’t been a super no-big-deal thing-— “hey, just wanted to see whose laundry is there- mines been in the wash waiting to go in the dryer for a few hours…”

But I’m a girl, and I’ve been taught to be nice and somehow a reasonable request to take out your laundry can easily be turned into a Karen issue and I don’t want to end up on someone’s FB live. Okay, not super likely, but I don’t want to make our monthly awkward wave when crossing paths any more uncomfortable by adding malice between us.

So now it’s midnight, I can hear the dryer door open- I peak out my window to see one of the boys removing his laundry from the dryer. I think about going outside, but it’s FUCKING COLD and I don’t want to go out again in an hour, so I consciously decide to wait till the morning.

Besides, my damp, freshly laundered linens sat from 6:30–12 and now they’re potentially going to be all gross- I’ll wash them again in the AM. The next morning is Sunday and I haven’t forgotten about the laundry.

It’s sunny and since I’m gonna do daytime laundry I decide to make a day of it- but I specifically wait till after lunch. I bring myself out after lunch to open the washer. My clothes are not in the washer.

My neighbors clothes are in the washer. My neighbor put my clothes in the dryer. My neighbor, who left their laundry unattended, taking up the dryer for more than 12 hours yesterday couldn’t wait till noon to take my laundry out of the washer???

Oh.Hell.No.

I peeked again at what they had in the washer- it was like…a thick plastic material thing- like a shower curtain. And one towel. One towel, ladies and gentlemen. My clothes had to come out so someone could wash one towel.

I look at my laundry… I smell it. I’m relieved that it’s sheets and rags and not underwear which would be more offensive to have been touched by a stranger. I smell the towels, positive they’re going to need to be rewashed, but they smell clean. I take them out and dress my bed. First I remove the comforter- I had slept on TOP of my comforter with an extra blanket rather than finish my laundry at 1am…

Because in case you forgot- I waited more than 5 hours for the laundry to be removed and it was not until midnight and yet I did not touch the neighbor’s laundry.

Absolutely not.

The pandemic has taught me that people really differ in their choices, but I thought we all understood how laundry etiquette worked?

So here are some laundry tips and tricks -because your neighbor probably doesn’t have the self control that I do….

GENERAL LAUNDRY ETIQUETTE:

Keep an eye on your laundry. Know how long your W/D takes and don’t leave it for an exorbitant amount of time. If you’re forgetful or disorganized, set a timer. Alexa will happily and reliably remind you to check your laundry in 45 minutes.

Don’t touch anyone’s laundry under any circumstance- someone’s stuff in the wash may not be able to go in a dryer, so you’re not doing them a favor by putting their personal belongings in the dryer, but you might actually be destroying their property. Also it’s gross and rude. (If you come across someones laundry that has been sitting, in most cases, it’ll be removed relatively soon. Be patient. If it does take long enough for a need for “intervention” touching the stuff yourself is not appropriate without their permission!)

***If someone vomited or bled heavily on something, you can override this rule and leave an apologetic note next to the laundry you took out, but think carefully before making this choice.

RECOVERING PUSHOVER LAUNDRY PRO TIPS

If appropriate- have your neighbor’s # so you can send a gentle reminder- only do this once laundry has sat for a reasonable about of time- I’d give it a 45 minute grace period- definitely no less than 30.

Don’t be afraid to knock on your neighbor’s door if you don’t have their # and they’re the only other person whose laundry might be in the machine. They would probably like to retrieve their laundry anyways. Do this sooner rather than later- seriously start after it’s been an hour and return regularly until they answer. If you really don’t like confrontation, chill out- make it about you. “I have laundry in the wash ready to go in the dryer, but it looks like you have stuff in there that’s ready- can you grab it?” plays better than “your stuff has been in the dryer all day,” so lead with the former.

So…what did we learn? Oh…tons.

Now, if you read this far, you may be wondering, “What will Bonnie do next time her laundry is sitting in the washer while she waits for her neighbor to remove their clothes from the dryer???”

TRICK QUESTION. Next time, if at all possible, I’ll only put my laundry in if both the washer and dryer are already empty.