You Train, Work Hard...For What?

You’ve studied, worked hard in your career, been promoted, saved your pennies, not taken holidays, bought your home. You’ve scrimped and scraped to set-up that business you’ve always dreamed of. You’ve poured your energy, motivation and enthusiasm into your career or business, it’s part of you.

Then…it’s gone….

You lose your job, your business folds – all you’ve worked for…gone.

There are many reasons that your life’s work may disintegrate – such as illness, bereavement, recessions and, most recently, global pandemics.

So how do you pick yourself up, step one foot in front of the other and continue?

During the Covid-19 pandemic we heard gut-wrenching stories. People setting up that coffee shop they’ve always dreamed of, for it to never open. Careers ended after sacrificing so much through study and work. Losing homes long worked hard for. People unable to feed their families, still in debt from student and business loans. Not through bad planning, but through circumstance. Not through lack of work or judgment, but because of a situation nobody could control.

In the 3 months to October 2020 370,000 people were made redundant from their jobs, a record high according to the Office of National Statistic. Whilst in January 2021 2.9% of businesses permanently ceased trading, with a further 26% temporarily closed or paused trading.

The practical and financial issues can knock you off your feet, so can the emotional consequences. The impact on mindset can be devastating. How do you look after your emotions and mindset when all around you seems to be crumbling?

Everybody reacts to situations differently; we all have our individual stress thresholds and trigger situations. Acknowledge and accept how you are currently feeling, don’t let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn’t be feeling. If you censor your thoughts and emotions, deny the ones you think are “wrong”, they’ll amplify and find ways to be expressed, even if you don’t want them too!

Allow yourself the time and space to sit with your emotions and write them down. This gives you a private space to express yourself and identify themes in your thinking. Do you notice any particular thoughts that make you feel worse? For example, are you telling yourself you are a failure who will never amount to anything? Are you telling yourself that nobody will ever want to know you because you are useless? Do you see yourself as someone who can build again, or do you see yourself as beaten down and unable to rise? Are you blaming someone else for things not working out? Do you begrudge the efforts you made and consider them wasted?

However you thinking about yourself, others, the world and the situation, get it all written down on paper. Be honest and messy and however you need to be. Have a good cry or scream if you want to, let it all hang out!

Now, walk away from the paper and bring yourself back. Some helpful things to do at this stage include:

· Go for a walk, focus on what is around you and if possible get into nature.

· Do something you know you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it.

· Do some exercise.

· Cook and get creative in the kitchen.

· Call/video call a friend. Chat about what is going on in their life and be honest about what is going on in yours.

· If you have a partner, spend some time with them doing something together. It can be as simple as watching a film curled up together.

· Read a book, a good novel so you can enjoy a story.

· Write a story.

· Put on some music and have a good jump around, sing and feel centre stage in your life.

· If you have a garden/allotment/community garden, get your gardening gloves on and work with the earth.

You may find that you feel angry…really really angry! Angry at yourself, everyone else, the world. You may find you are irritable with those you love, drink too much, get into arguments, take risks. You may feel anxious, incredibly down, and even desperate.

If your emotions feel overwhelming, all of the above can help, but you can also try:

· Square breathing:

Sit comfortably, or as comfortably as you can if you’re agitated.

Breathe in for 3 seconds.

Hold your breath for 3 seconds.

Breathe out for 5 seconds.

Hold your breath for 3 seconds.

Repeat.

· Try a meditation exercise, there are some wonderful examples on the internet. Or simply sit and focus on your breathing, the in and out of your breath. Each time your mind wonders just gently, without judgment, focus again on your breathing.

Seek help. Whatever you do, do not suffer alone and in silence.

With a clear mind come back to your writing and re-read it. Try to do this without connecting to it, imagine a friend wrote it. How would you respond to them? What would you say to them?

Are you generalising what has happened in this one area (business/career) to all areas of your life? For example, if you had to close your business and consider this a failure, does it mean you will always fail? Does this belief make you feel better or worse?

Are you personalising what has happened? For example, if you have been made redundant after years of professional study and hard work, does it mean something significant about you personally?

Have you forgotten all the times you were praised for a good job, promoted or given more responsibility? Have you forgotten the amazing sales you made as part of your business? Instead focusing only on the negative and what has gone wrong. It can be easy to do this when you are trying to make financial ends meet. However, focusing purely on the negative and disregarding the positive will make moving forward difficult for you as negativity has a habit of leaving you stuck.

The answers to these enquiries will help you identify beliefs and self-talk that make you feel worse, not great when you’re already pretty low.

If you believe your business failing means you are useless, a failure, not good enough, then the emotional impact on you will be harsh! If you ultimately believe you are good enough and your business failing is due to circumstances, or a wrong decision that you can learn from, the emotional impact will be quite different.

Understanding your mindset and beliefs in these situations will go a long way to helping you cope.

As you experience your emotions and begin to understand, and importantly question and challenge, your self-talk you will naturally begin the process of putting one foot in front of the other and emerging out the other side.

Your feelings and emotions are all yours, and when you need to feel deflated, sad, angry and grieve for what you’ve lost you must do it and allow yourself that space. But…don’t stay there. Don’t allow your own mindset to work against you and bully you into believing you are a useless failure who isn’t good enough and will therefore never succeed. Your motivation to “go again” will come from understanding and challenging your mind, your energy will come from you.

We can all get crushed in different circumstances, none of us are immune to the ebb and flow of what happens in the world. We can only control our response, and we can only do that if we allow ourselves to feel and experience all our emotions, then understand and grow from it.

To everyone who is currently curled up in distress, seek support and look after yourself until you can take a step forward. To everyone taking one shaky step after another, keep going and be kind to yourself. To those who are now moving clearly in the direction they wish to travel – take stock of how far you’ve come and I hope your journey is full of opportunity.

Further Information:

Mind: www.mind.org.uk

Samaritans: www.samaritans.org

ACAS: https://www.acas.org.uk/redundancy

UK Government: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/coronavirus-covid-19-what-to-do-if-you-were-employed-and-have-lost-your-job

Debt Advice: https://www.nationaldebtsolution.co.uk

Citizens Advice Bureau: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/