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Writing Challenge

The Most Banal Topic

By Everyday JunglistPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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Enter now for a chance to win. Image by me.

Author's Preface: You know I love you Vocal.media. I kid because I love. Because I love to make you face up to the terrible example you have set for all writers and lovers of free expression with your awful censorship policies. And because I love to point out how your publishing "rules" are ridiculous and absurd, and how your writing challenges are totally bereft of creativity or originality. But also because I love. lol!

Challenges

Enter themed storytelling contests to put your creativity to the test and strain our credibility to max. Join Vocal+ for only $99/yr to "earn" the right to submit for a chance to win cash, prizes, experiences, donations, and more.

About this challenge

We here at Vocal.media dedicate our craft to finding the most boring, cliche, and stupid writings of at least 600 words or more with a title, subtitle, plus a featured image, video, and content from around the globe. Once identified, and after collecting a $99 yearly fee and ensuring they do not contain offensive graphic or religious content, we publish them in one place so that may be shared and preserved for all future generations to enjoy. Unless they contain offensive, graphic, or religious content, in which case we do not publish them but instead return them to the author with a very stern note saying "Not approved." Importantly we do this without any regard for the artistic merit of the material, but instead only with respect to how closely it diverges from our censorship bible aka our community standards. We recently teamed up with another second rate web publishing platform to educate people on the importance of preserving, protecting and censoring these most terrible of writings which are native to the internet. This month we seeks to raise awareness of our cause and will donate support to anyone willing to stand with us in the fight to increase censorship and the spread of terrible internet writing forever - but we need your help!

Our latest fiction Challenge supports the efforts initiated by Vocal.media and our anonymous partner by asking you to crap out a story that includes the most banal, cliche, and/or stupid object/thing or person you can imagine for reasons that seem vaguely important but in actuality are nothing more than a marketing ploy designed to raise awareness of our less that top of the line website and ridiculously dumb content ideas. We hope that as you write, you remember how important it is to censor the words so they do not contain offensive, graphic or religious content, and how important that $99 yearly fee for Vocal+ is to our continued success as a for profit web based internet business. It doesn't matter if your story is a fairy tale or a fable, but it does matter if it is <600 words —just put on your explorer hat, learn about the (insert banal, boring, stupid thing/object/person)'s natural habitat, and use your imagination! The details are totally up to you! The use of exclamation points is highly encouraged for added emphasis and to increase the cliche value of the work!! Don't forget, 600 words minimum!! And yes abbreviations count toward your total as do nonsense words, but punctuation marks or other symbols do not!!

How to enter

For your story to be eligible, it should must be between 600 and 5,000 words and adhere to our

Censorship bible Community Guidelines

Stories published on Vocal and entered into the contest from this very moment up until the day we close our doors and shutter the site forever will be entered for consideration.

All ages are available to win the grand prize, second place, or third place prizes, however, you must reside in a country where Stripe is available at the time of entry. We will know if you ghost write a story for your three year old "little genius" as we have significant experience in evaluating stories written at the kindergarten to third grade level. Do not think you can fool us because you cannot. A complete list of countries where Stripe is available can be found if you care to look. Interestingly the number of countries where Stripe is available (46) exceeds the number of people who have ever heard of Stripe (40) by six.

satire
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About the Creator

Everyday Junglist

Practicing mage of the natural sciences (Ph.D. micro/mol bio), Thought middle manager, Everyday Junglist, Boulderer, Cat lover, No tie shoelace user, Humorist, Argan oil aficionado. Occasional LinkedIn & Facebook user

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