Work Experience

I don’t know how global the idea of work experience is, so I’ll briefly explain for all those who engage in this post. In secondary school, at around the age of 15/16 it’s compulsory for students to complete work experience. Two weeks at a job of your choice. Of course the idea is to get you ready for the real world of work. A snapshot of your future so to speak.

I was no different. Me and a childhood friend signed up for the same place. It was a football school, where we would assist the coaches in anything they needed. Be it an after school club or a proper training session. We both loved football and we both liked the idea of coaching football one day. This was a mobile football school that would travel all around our county.

Being under the legal age to drive a car and no real finances to get public transport, the coaches that we shadowed basically chauffeured us around. Within these two weeks, I was almost involved in three separate car accidents. The centre piece of this story comes with the third and final near miss.

The first two actually took place on the same journey, which also happened to be my first day on the job. I was in the back seat and the driver/coach was driving like he was on his own. I mean we whipped around bends and flew across roundabouts like he had his wife going into labour next to him. I held onto dear life like this was how I would meet my end. I was almost proven right when he had to emergency stop halfway across a roundabout. This was a bit of a red flag for me.

He maintained he was in the right (he wasn’t) and proceeded to cause mayhem on the roads. The second time there was almost a collision which would have hit my side. We were on the motorway and our driver moved into the second lane without really checking his blind spots. It just so happened that a car from the third lane also wanted to be in the second lane. What proceeded was a torrent of abuse hurled from each car. Essentially we were inches away from colliding at around 70mph.

When we reached our destination, me and my friend both looked as though we’d just had our lives flash before our eyes. It’s fair to say we selected another coach to take us home.

The first two near misses were not so comedically retold later on in life, it was the final one that really steals the show. We both were picked up from the local train station and the guy that picked us up had a family car. We felt reassured that the coach would be a far more safe driver based on what we saw before us. I climbed in the back seat again and my friend was situated in the front. The only issue I encountered was the fact that the back seats seemed to be more of a dumping ground for his gym things. This actually included an exercise ball. Yes, those huge things you see in the gym that people roll around on.

It seemed fairly secure where it was, but secure in the way that a jenga tower looks secure. One mistake and this tower of gym equipment would be tumbling down. With the loser unfortunately being me. We began our journey in a fairly promising way, although bends and turns proved to be a hair raising experience. I almost wanted to put an avalanche warning sign next to me, but the only person I’d be warning would be myself.

In all fairness to the driver, what followed wasn‘t his fault. It was a long journey and it can get quite boring. Despite already going 40mph in a 30mph zone, he thought it would be a great idea to start eating his lunch. So he plonked his pasta pot in his lap and whipped out his fork. What do you sometimes do when you’re eating you ask? Well for my guy in the driving seat, he thought it would be a superb idea to level up on Angry Birds. I couldn’t tell you what version it was, but he was doing well based on the fist pumps that occurred regularly.

So, let me paint this picture for you. I was in the back seat with an unstable mound of gym equipment. My friend in the front seat shifting his eyes nervously to the driver every so often. Then we had our genius driver eating his pasta and flicking through some Angry Birds, with his knees essentially guiding us through fairly busy residential areas. Well colour me surprised when it all went disastrously wrong.

With his eyes locked on the game, he wasn’t aware the van ahead of us had suddenly stopped. He did look up in time, but the emergency brakes had to be applied. The inside of the car suddenly turned into a tornado of gym equipment, pasta and whatever was in the pasta. The excercise ball came loose and decided to pin my face against the window. Only he knows where all that pasta ended up, but I saw bits sticking to the ceiling, the windows and my friend. He was picking bits of pasta off himself.

He looked back at me almost thankful there wasn’t a cheese sauce mixed in. I gave him the thumbs up with my face still squished up against the window. I just accepted my fate and started my new life as part of this pile of gym equipment.

At least the driver said sorry, as he picked a bit of ham off his windshield.

Whenever me and my friend recall this story to other people, we can’t help but break down into tears of laughter. In retrospect it was one of the funniest childhood stories to remember. It could have ended so differently, but alas I’m here today to tell the story.