Why do we need hobbies?

Hello,

This time I’m writing to you from a cafe, with my sleeves rolled up and my eyes on my watch — because today I have a series of meetings planned.

After studying the impact of the screens, the applications on the smartphone, mainly, and their internet connectivity — I deduced that you can figure out pretty quickly if you’re addicted to technology or not. Just check how long you’ve been on your smartphone.

• if you stay up to 2 hours a day, then you are on schedule and your life should not be very affected by attention fragments;
• between 2 and 4 hours — you are in the “gray” area, where — most likely — you can not concentrate for a long time on a single task without being interrupted; at the same time, however, you are still “functional”;
• over 4 hours a day — you are deeply affected by the impact of technology, social media channels, applications, notifications, and media in general; this translates into a very low ability to focus on a single task but also shows a behavior similar to drug or alcohol addiction.

I also said in previous articles that your attention is the most important currency you have in the modern world. But also that fragmentation of attention is your biggest enemy.

“Hello Daniel, as I finished reading the article from you, I opened the digital balance of the phone. 7h 30 min shows me in the last 7 days. […] Your emails also helped me. You convinced me to disable notifications some time ago. “

T.D.

That’s what some of the emails I received sounded like. Today I want to take this story one step further and tell you about another trap that you can fall into and that can bring you great mental harm in the long run.

A question received from Diana, in an attempt to “identify” her activities in which she easily enters a state of deep concentration:

“Is it true that if I want to start a business, it is best to go in the direction of a passion or hobby?”

The question came from her observation that when she sings, she completely forgets about it and no longer feels the need to check her phone, email, Facebook, etc. Shouldn’t that be a sign that he could make a living from it?

(attention, we are talking about a person who has a career, already, with at least a decent salary)

And my answer is somewhere in the middle: “and yes, and no.” I’ll explain why below.

Clash of the worlds

We are all children, deep inside us. We want to play, not to feel how time passes, to have a big smile on our face when we “work”, to have a melancholy inside us when we take breaks. Let’s have a craving for more, always. Let’s get those around us excited.

In essence, we want our professional activity to keep track of playfulness, genuine naivete, freedom, presence, concentration, and “effortless” flow. And we also want them to bring us money.

A “perfect” combination.

• “I’ve wanted to be an actress all my life!”
• “I like to write and I would lend a hand to be published!”
• “My dream is to be an entrepreneur!”
• “I want to open a cafe!”

The above are just a few of the lines I’ve heard over time. The online environment has exacerbated these desires because we see examples of others living our dream and the distance from them seems greater than ever.

But there is a trap here: when a hobby becomes the main activity, where performance is needed, it comes with all the things related to entrepreneurial activity.

This means sleepless nights, routine, stress, blockages, deadlines, accounting, marketing, sales, partnerships, and management.

The fact that you like it can be a plus or it can be a millstone because every activity has both lights and shadows. And, if you don’t accept the whole package, you quickly head to a wall.

Let’s take the example of the cafe because it is a case that I have encountered even in coaching sessions (it is incredible how many people dream of opening a cafe, as their first business). Usually, when someone comes to me and says “I want to open a cafe”, whether or not they have the investment money, my first thought is to test the “distance” from dream to reality.

In other words, my questions go to the concrete:

• “Do you know anyone who owns a coffee shop?”
• “Did you work in one? Do you know what that means?”
• “Do you have any idea what makes a cafe so successful?”

It has happened to me more than once that the dream is different from the concrete one. So the first step is to test my client, send him to someone who owns a coffee shop, and work there for 1–2–4 weeks.

I call this technique “the beating of the worlds” and, most of the time, the dream does not last. Because, my client, in 9/10 cases — doesn’t like to have a cafe (he doesn’t even have a place, because he doesn’t know what it means), but he likes to drink coffee in cafes. He likes the “image” of the cafe.

The same in most cases: whoever wants to be an entrepreneur, most of the time wants the image, does not want the sacrifices.

He wants the money, he wants the car, he wants the influence he perceives from an entrepreneur — but he doesn’t want the stress, he doesn’t want the hours worked, he doesn’t want the part of continuing education and the insecurity of the money in the account. He doesn’t want the risk of bankruptcy. He does not want the absence of holidays in the first (many) years of a start-up when the presence is needed 24/24.

When it comes to hobbies, it’s even more dramatic: one is to enjoy singing (writing, painting, creating outfits out of nothing, fishing, repairing cars), it’s quite another to turn it into the main activity, from to live.

When you turn it into the main activity — you will have to take on the “darkness” that comes with it.

So what’s the point of a hobby?

There is a scene that stuck in my mind, from the movie “The Queen’s Gambit”. Beth Harmon, the protagonist, a chess-obsessed kid who has every chance of becoming the greatest player in US history, is caught in a carousel-like psychological game with Benny Watts, the current champion.

And the dialogue between them is extremely palpable for anyone who wants to grow “professionally” to the point of obsession. Benny begins to give him small remarks and advice, from the position of future mentor, from the first interactions.

***

“Come on, Beth, you’re the best player here!”

“You beat me last time in Las Vegas!”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to escape so easily …”

[…]

“Listen, do you keep playing games in your mind at night when you look at the walls?”

“Isn’t that what we all do?”

[…]

“You need to slow down, Beth. At this rate, you’re going to burn completely until you’re 21!”

***

This last reply is the one that stuck in my mind and that I also pass on to those who burn stages much too quickly. You need to slow down! At this rate, you will burn completely!

This is where the role of hobbies comes into play. The main activity involves the consumption of gray matter if you want to get above-average results. It involves time, effort, and overcoming blockages. It involves stress, punctual failures, and constant redesigns of strategy.

And you need, here and there, to slow down — otherwise you “burn” completely.

A hobby brings you back to play. It disconnects you and eliminates your expectations in the world of the “big ones”.

The three states of an activity

What does this mean? It means that you don’t want to bring some hobbies on a mercantile, mundane level, where the orcs fight among themselves, for a slit of divine light.

There are three general statuses that an activity can have when you undertake it (from the perspective of this newsletter):

✅ main activity (where you earn your money, you have relative financial stability, you can come repeatedly with results and those around you recognize your skills — this can mean a business in a certain field, a freelancing activity, or a place “classic” work)

✅ hobby (a passion, an activity that gives you energy, and calm, that makes you forget how time passes, invigorates you and makes you creative, reconnects you to the child in you — the role of the hobby is “not to burn” in the activity where you want your performance, but also to distract you from those orcs that constantly blow in the back of your neck)

✅ transition of a hobby (the state in which you make the transition from an activity in which you have not yet earned money, from a hobby position to the main activity that will support you financially)

Unfortunately, very few people manage to have — what is called “a peaceful transition of power”, a concept so important in democratic countries.

To be able to do this, you need to make peace with yourself and come with high clarity on what it means:

• what kind of results do you want (and how realistic they are when you relate to the market)
• what it means to live from the new activity (invested hours, schedule, types of activities, receipts, expenses);
• to assume a “transition” calendar (most of the time a too sudden transition is equal to failure);
• to do research in the market and to sit next to people who are already or have what you want to get (similar to the example with the cafe, above — to “clash the worlds”, test);
• to assume the “blackest scenario”, in case the “reality” strikes you;
• be aware that once you have taken up a hobby as your main activity — part of the play disappears and orcs appear from all sides;
• be prepared to raise the bar (become a professional);
• to find other hobbies that will take your mind off the stress of your new “main activity”.

Hobbies have their role, we don’t have to butcher them with the butcher, at the first feeling that we don’t like what we do every day, in a desperate attempt to “escape” from our skin.

At the same time, there are several types of hobbies:

Creative (or artistic — related to writing, painting, poetry, and theater; from my point of view they are for empaths who do not have the words to express themselves and need a new environment in which to unfold and forget about themselves at the same time)

✅ outdoor / nature (where you climb, go with the tent on top of the mountain, go cycling, fishing, hunting, etc. — for those who want to get out of mind, especially; strong calming effect)

✅ fitness (where you go to the gym, train, run marathons, do park rides, push-ups, etc. — similar to the previous type, but with results in physical terms, not only mentally; strong calming effect)

✅ education (where your passion is to “learn” new things, including foreign languages, but also fields that seem unrelated to each other; this includes personal development books, but also participation in “n” kind courses; cognitive and emotional stimulation)

✅ the social ones (where you are supposed to meet others, to “practice” an activity — and this includes boardgames, board games, various clubs you belong to — some reading, others watching movies, but also “football with the boys “,” tennis evening “etc.)

✅ domestic (related to the activities inside the house or household: cooking, crocheting, raising houseplants, etc.)

✅ Practical (related to the ability to use your “hands” — and here are some activities that you can see in other categories — such as gardening, painting, creating furniture or clothes “built” from SHs, etc. )

✅ “collectible” (for those with OCD attacks, who make collections of different things — surprises, old-fashioned, stamps, beer caps, lead solder, coins, etc.)

There would be enough, but that’s what comes to mind when I think of the “main” categories. I, for example, live (and) write, a hobby turned into the main activity. But the hobbies, the ones that take me out of my inner battles, are either practical (related to the yard, trees, and plants), or outdoor / nature (sport fishing through wild places).

Being very often in activities that stimulate my “cognition”, I tend to hobbies that let my brain take a break.

Conclusions

I came up with this article to reduce the pressure of those who believe in the myth of the “absolute hobby”, which will save you from work and stress all your life if you choose it as your main activity, which to live. You know some call it “passion.” Or “vocation.”

In essence, to perform in a field, you need two elements that become symbiotic:

• constant (take small steps every day on the field you want to live in)
• pleasure (to like what you do)

But this pleasure comes with the same attributes of a happy relationship, but also with a saying:

It is not enough to love each other!

You need to work hard to make this love work in the long run. Because, when the butterflies in the stomach disappear, very often all you have left is indifference, contempt, and sometimes even hatred.

That’s all,

With love,