When you ask for change, be prepared to get it.
Learning to be joyful in all seasons and moments.
After recently being in a rear-end hit and run collision, I have found myself looking very cautiously at what I ask for. Sometimes, a miracle requires a major change. Gratitude for being alive. Gratitude for being only minorly injured. Gratitude to have such great insurance. Gratitude that God provides all things. Situations may seem dim, but in the truth of it all there is a beacon of hope and light that you have to look for. You have to focus on the good, and wave goodbye to the bad. I have been praying and have had prayers consistently said for me. God is showing up in all the small ways.
I have been doubting my move to Tennessee for a while. I have felt out of place again, and that I am drifting aimlessly. I am struggling with appreciating things, and I am barely making ends meet. But you would never know it by how I am smiling a lot, how I love being around people. You'd never know I was struggling to keep it all together...
Well Thursday afternoon it all broke. What can you do with a hit and run incident? What can you do after being rear-ended at a red turning to green light? What recourse do you have but to let things go. No, I am not seriously injured. No, I don't have major whiplash. God literally sheltered me in that accident. My seat flew backwards completely flat, I slammed into the left hand side, as I was the driver in the seat. My car was driven in a curve shape into the other lane facing towards another street. The velocity of the vehicle that hit me was high and it was a heavy SUV. I did manage to force my car into the middle. I couldn't get it to go anywhere else. I was literally trapped. But a good citizen stopped and helped me by calling the police, and stayed with me until they came and my friend arrived to help get home. I've been praying blessings over them, because in this day and age kindness is lacking. I've been very thankful to even have walked away from the crash.
However, like all major incidents there is a period of emotional turbulence. I have had the highs of thankfulness mixed with the lows of anxiety and fear. I have had the laughs and kindness shared with strangers, kindness of friends willing to help me out, and the prayers of a church family that have covered me. I have had my family praying long distance, and the snuggles of my puppy dog. But I've been on the phone long hours, and the longer the hours the more weary I grew. I have sat in the ER room just to make sure I was more severely injured than I thought. Often people are not understanding with car wrecks. Some folks can bounce back in less than a few hours, other's have an emotional toll that takes longer to heal, and others are damaged in many other ways. Something like this is considered a traumatic event. Trauma effects us all differently. Residual effects can be long term. In a world that wants people immediately better, that is a hard thing to cope with. More sympathy, not empathy, is needed. More kindness and love, and more genuine care and understanding. But taking the time to heal yourself, and deal with your own trauma is more important than worrying about how others deal with it. This is a lesson I learned.
So, I stay thankful for the woman and her boyfriend who stopped. For my coworkers who showered me with concern and compassion. For my friends who supported me in prayer, resources, and time Friday. For my family who was grateful and prayerful out in Washington, after they've been hit with floods. For my neighbors who care. For the fact I have a great church that supports me in prayer and wisdom. For the many blessings that have come despite the dire circumstances.
When you're challenged to let go, realize this...
It will be unexpected.
It will be God's timing and provision.
Expect the un expected.
And reap the rewards of faithfulness.