What does Cheating Mean, and Who's Cheating Who?

We cheat. But not just in a relationship. We cheat in a variety of ways. We cheat ourselves for the most part and do not even know it.

In a relationship, the description is rather easy. A commitment is made, sometimes verbal, many times not. Once we establish that, we have a contract in place. If one party goes against it, they break the contract. That’s understood.

Of course, it has several variations, but fundamentally, that’s it.

Now, what about when we cheat in other ways that affect other people, parents, friends, or ourselves? Do we even know it?

We are experts at excusing ourselves for our hardships. Not many of us are truthful to the point of realizing, accepting, and taking responsibility for our shortcomings. It hurts to admit we are or were wrong under any given circumstances. It must be someone else’s fault. How could it possibly be ours?

And yet, we do it all the time. We cheat, cheat, and cheat some more. Then, it becomes such a routine that if, at any point in the past, we thought we were in the wrong; we go to extremes to avoid admitting it. By doing it with such frequency, we give ourselves absolution. We don’t even recognize it any longer. It’s another walk in the park.

How detrimental is such an attitude?

Very. To lie to yourself is one of the worst things you can do, among many other human weaknesses. Because the fantasy world has no mirrors, no rules or regulations. It’s us vs. us. We could do serious psychological damage to our maturity, morality, and truthfulness. In other words, we would be living a lie.

A made-up reality that it’s only invisible because we wanted it that way, and nobody can tell us otherwise.

We live in peril by doing so.

The moral compass has gone out the window, and without a sense of honesty plus a lack of accountability, we will eventually have to pay the piper. The price might be more than we ever imagined.

Reflection is paramount. It’s never too late to change. The most important factor is assessing and accepting that we need to take care of business. While we still can. The last thing we need is to regret what we didn’t do, didn’t say, or didn’t act on that was crucial for our development and that of others we love. There are certain issues that have the habit of resurfacing when we least expect them. And we don’t want to find ourselves in the position of having to say, “I’m sorry; I know I let you down.”

We don’t all grow at the same pace over time. Some of us are extremely late in maturing. Some don’t want the responsibility of advancing psychologically and playing pretend for most of their lives. Then, one day, they find themselves old, with unpaid dues and guilt.

Take care of what’s significant right now; don’t wait until it’s too late and repercussions start showing up from every crack possible. To say we’re sorry then will be a thousand times harder than it is now.

However, sometimes, we don’t give ourselves enough credit. Frequently, we have done our best and made good intentions our top priority, but we have not been understood properly. Blame is a constantly lit flame. People use it as a weapon. Don’t fall for it. Don’t let them do it. As we recognize our faults and shortcomings, we must place our past in an adjusted balance. Adjusted because life has many truths, and sometimes those truths get heavy. We can’t afford to pick up other people’s dilemmas, and because they don’t understand the dynamics of their own lives, we become the next available target. That’s not the way the truth works. We will not get fooled into admitting it’s our fault when it’s theirs. But it happens all the time. For them, it’s the easier way to escape their ghosts.

Don’t cheat yourself, but at the same token, don’t let them put that weight on you and cheat you instead.

In relationships, that conflict gets more muddy, no matter how hard we try not to allow it. Men don’t see cheating as cheating since they don’t put their hearts and emotions into it. We hear it regularly, “It didn’t mean anything.” And usually, it wouldn’t be a lie. Women, on the other hand, unless they’re from an easy persuasion, put their heart and soul into the deed. That, too, would not be a lie. 

If we conducted a poll right now, we would find out the reality of these behaviors. Most men would agree with the former statement, while most women disagree. Who has the final say, you may ask? It doesn’t mean one gender is better or even more ethical than the other, although, at first glance, that’s why you might think it’s implied here. It is not. That’s why most women are better mothers than men, and there are so many other such examples. It’s also not to say men are “pigs”, though it might sound like it. In simple terms, it could just mean that men can be easily seduced and manipulated, struggle with controlling their desires, or it could be a genetic issue. Which explanation would you offer?

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