Twizzlers And A Broken Tooth Means Lapdances At The Dentist Office

Peanut butter and jelly, ham and eggs, and chocolate and peanut butter belong together. Some things are meant to go together, like God himself designed them that way. Others shouldn’t have a link together, but the world occasionally surprises us.

Hershey’s Twizzlers is one of those guilty pleasures that millions of people love. They’re a great treat at the movies, they’re awesome on the go, and they’re loaded into vending machines across the country. Sometimes they age out, and if you don’t notice, they can be deceptively hard. Finding this out as you’re mid-way through a quick break is terrible timing. Especially, when it’s hard enough to bust a tooth in half at 3:00 a.m.

“OUCH!”

That’s all anyone can say with a busted tooth and wisdom teeth are painful to break, especially extra-elongated wisdom teeth. Dentist number one, an honest dentist with a big heart, passed on doing the extraction. The x-rays told her how tough it would be. She did, however, get a referral to an oral surgeon done in record time.

For anyone ever in a similar situation, it's a miserable waiting period, no matter how fast you can have it fixed. Tylenol, ibuprofen, ice packs, and scotch are a godsend when you're experiencing the pain of a toothache.

On a Friday morning, I was scheduled for oral surgery. What a way to start the day. Anyone that has been in the chair when it’s an emergency will tell you it sucks. When the pain is on its third day of being the “worst” thing you will feel in years, you’ll suffer just about anything.

So the doctor comes in, at 5'6" tall, with brown hair, ice-blue eyes, an athletic build, and drop-dead gorgeous, and the pain melts away.

“Your tooth is really in there,” said the doctor.

She’d been working on getting it to move for ten minutes straight. As I already mentioned, it was highly elongated.

“I’m going to have to climb up on you to get an angle I can work that out enough to extract it,” she told me.

And, before I knew it, I was having to focus on being in a dentist's office and remember this wasn’t a gentlemen club. Best dental emergency I could imagine.

A Twizzler broke my tooth, and my broken tooth lead me to a lap dance I didn’t expect. I didn’t have to tip, although the bill was already over 300.00 dollars.

I suppose in some ways I should have sent Twizzler a thank-you note. On one hand, Twizzler broke my tooth and there wasn't a way I could have imagined a Twizzler breaking a tooth. On the other hand, I should have sued Twizzler. Yes, there's an argument for that.

On the first hand, I'm no longer scared of dentists. When the hottest dentist on the planet crawls up on your lap, straddles you, and is shimmying around as she tries to get a monster wisdom tooth out of your jaw, you remember it fondly. For a lot of women, imagine Chris Hemsworth as your dentist. You'll understand.

On the second hand, Twizzlers are a soft, slightly chewy, candy treat. When they break a wisdom tooth down the center they have gone bad, or something in their manufacture went terribly wrong. Either way, soft candies don't break healthy wisdom teeth in half.

Sometimes the only thing we can do about life is to laugh at the misfortunes that come from living. It's odd how a small problem with a piece of candy can lead down a memorable road that'll stick with you. That, as they say, is life.