The Loss of a Pet

Throughout the years I have been blessed with knowing a couple of the most beautiful souls to have graced this Earth. There is something special about a Dog. What it is and why they have the power they do, I am not sure. I do know that I am grateful that I was lucky enough to have them be a part of my life, no matter how short that time was. There are some souls that take a piece of us with them.

Missi:

Though our time was brief, I do still remember you fondly. You were such a spitfire. I remember that day, at least I hope I remember it right. That day when you jumped the fence and bolted, to protect your home, hell, your entire street. What kind of dogs they were I couldn’t say, but I know they were the badass type, the kind that people would train to protect, guard, or even fight. You ran right for them. Clashing with one of them while his friend just took a seat and enjoyed the show. It's entertaining to think about now, but at the moment I was terrified for you.

Lucky:

The story my father told me about how he found you had always amazed me. WIth hindsight and all that, I am not sure if his retelling is 100% accurate, but either way. He told me how the two of you found each other. That he was miserable, even contemplating suicide. Until you came along, the blur that found its way into his semi. He was on a job when you showed up. He called around trying to find your home, but it seemed you were only meant for each other. So he took you home and you gave him purpose and a smile again. I was so amazed by the significance you had.

The big, fat sweetheart of my childhood. I swear you were always smiling. As a child I was in awe of you. How you could take a treat that was about an inch in length, that was halfway inside one’s lips and take it. Anyone being taken from could barely feel your whiskers, let alone your breath. Such a gentle creature, afraid of the fireworks, curling in the bathroom or at ones feet. Don’t get me started on your jerky addiction, such a spoiled pup. Without fail, anytime my dad left the house and returned you expected that jerky in his back pocket. Whenever he was coming back from work, you would perch yourself in front of that door, as if you could tell time. I think that he was just so loud that you could hear him from across town.

Bear:

The K & B Dog, as you were sometimes called. My mom used to tell me how much of a troublemaker you were in your youth. Chewing hoses and digging holes. I never saw that though. You had been a part of most of my life before it was your time. Every now and then I can’t help but look up at the sky and blow you a kiss, hoping that you’re okay up there. Now I am not a religious person, not sure if I believe in heaven or hell, god or a devil. Hell I don’t even know if I believe such things don’t exist. However, I do know that there is such a place. A peaceful, beautiful place to live out the rest of your soul in an afterlife, that’s where you are. If anyone was ever deserving it would be you, Red, Lucky & Missi.

When you left us everything seemed to fall apart. My mom broke, she balled her eyes out, became even more depressed and messed up then before. I realized the power you held over her, us, then. Still to this day, all these years later, Thanksgiving is a hard thing to celebrate. Its hard to be thankful when all I can think about is missing you. That day mom kept saying that we had to move on and keep living our lives. But it felt like something broke that day, in all of us. You were so ingrained in our lives. Red was depressed for months. All I could think about was how I would never get to hear that mighty bark of yours again. That roar that you produced, it was beautiful, telling you to speak and hearing that made my heart skip a beat. With my brother’s noise issues, I had barely heard it the last year or two before. If only we could go back in time, where I was putting you in skirts and you were following us around the block while we played. Hell, I would even go back to the time you peed on my bike while I was trying to take you on a run with it, if we could have you back with us.

Red:

I can admit I failed you. There’s no doubt about that. Sadly you got me in most of my depressed years. Maybe I put too much worth and pressure onto you, but I still do believe you saved my life, or at least had a hand in it. When I was younger, some days it felt as if I could only see the darkness. You were light, a kind heart against the battles waging within. Looking at you gave me hope that not everything was bad, that there was good in the world. That I had something, someone to live for, that needed me. Who saw me as someone who wasn’t the villain, but who would shield you from the evil sky’s screams.

You and Bear were definitely the heart of the household, there was no doubt about that. Even when you were being a shit, you were the sweetest creature to exist. I swear if you had hurt an ant you might have cried. Even more gently than Lucky or Bear, if that’s even possible. I cringed just about every time you made that horrible bark of yours. It didn’t even sound like something a dog could or should make. Like you never reached vocal puberty. Not that you were very mature to begin with.

Whenever a car passed by, I couldn’t tell if you were trying to befriend the driver, join the trip, or enjoy a nice long run like we used to. Hop in the truck and have you and Bear trail after us, being eaten up by the dirt, exhausting every part of your being, while being completely satisifed. My mom completely spoiled your ass to, treats ten times a day, or whatever the amount was, ridiculous. And how you loved those Raw Hides, even saying their name got you all excited.

Trying to take you on a bike run was hell, you trying to criss-cross applesauce everywhere. I swear you were trying to make us crash. Even when walking you were trying to turn me into a stripper with how many poles you got us tangled up in. Everytime I left the house, left you behind for ten minutes or eight hours, you looked at me like I was leaving you forever. Begging me to take you with or for me to stay forever. I could feel your eyes watching me until I left your view.

You were such a unique little creature sometimes. Making sure you went to the bathroom at the very edge of your domain, creating a poop line. How you couldn’t stand water that was indoors, it had to be outside bowl water. Your preferred bed was a dirt hole in the ground. That you would randomly bury your treats or food, and when someone went near your stash you freaked out, but I was allowed near it. That time we bought extra sausage just for you, and you buried it behind the dumpster. The time the mailman, a good friend of yours (aren’t dogs and mailmen supposed to be enemies?), caught us on one of our walks and gave you a treat, only for you to bury it in the alley way.

The absolute hilarity that you caused when you went chasing after some animal, maybe a bird or rabbit, or air. I swear you practically went flying, one second you were there, and then you were gone. Only for us to track your fearful yipping. In your excitement you had fallen down in a river bank, covered by brush and branches, stuck between a dirt wall and the Portneuf River. You were terrified, my dad had to unload all of his important items, phone, smokes, etc. He had to climb in after you, with you being no help at all. I don’t know how long your rescue took but afterwards he was drenched, and you acted like you had a new lease on life. Panting, running around, shaking off all your water onto us. The joy you felt was almost tangible, palpable.

How you could befriend anything, anyone you met was beyond me. Random strangers would automatically gravitate towards you. The only fights you were in were due to your kindness. Wandering into someone’s apartment to say high, which was not taken well by the resident dog. The alleyway cat that tried to take your face off while you just stood there. Half the neighborhood, at least, knew who you were no matter where we lived.

As I said, I'm not much of a religious person. But I do think we were made for each other. That we needed each other and you were my gift. I was your protector and you were my hope, my angel. You came to any name you were called, even Justin Beiber, just to get attention. You could barely stand fetch. Your floppy ear and sophisticatedly crossed legs. Your uniquely short and groomed hair, even though we never took you to the groomers. I always fantasized about you being the laziest show dog. I truly believed we could have taken you out, not done any of the tricks or obstacles and you still would have won.

I miss you sleeping with me at night, you being in the room with me at night made me smile. I keep looking at all you spots, you know the ones that you would lay in, I swear just to be tripped over. That you’ll never get mad at me again for not letting you like my face, or let you lay in my spot on the bed. That I’ll never get to see you annoying joy that we just got snow. That I won’t get to watch you frolick like an idiot with snow plastered to your snout. That I can now almost enjoy thunderstorms and fireworks without getting angry at their existence for scaring you.

Somehow I think I lost you at the right time. If I lost you before I don’t know if I would’ve been able to take it. Not that I can now. You were there during the time in my life that I was the most alone. I needed you even if I failed you. I am sorry for my failures, but I am incredibly grateful for getting to connect with your soul. That I was blessed enough to look in your eyes. That I was who you could trust, in protecting your stashed dinner left overs or the evil sky.

I hope you know that you will always be a part of my heart and soul. Always somewhere in the back of my mind, never forgotten. My hope, my angel.

-I love you all. Thank you for the time I got to have with each of you. Forever fondly.