The Latest Airline Ripoff — Making You Pay For an Ounce of Snacks — Before You Get on the Plane

This cranky old lady has been pushed over her limit. I have written stories complaining about 35-year-olds who don’t know what a pencil is, cashless banks, and dismal customer service that turns your hair grey and tolls your death knell before your call is answered, but WeOnlyWantYourMoney Airlines has completely destroyed my tolerance level. SNAPPED IT IN HALF. CRACK.

Because of my physical limitations and let me be honest — my lack of patience and tolerance — I only fly non-stop. I am capable of walking long distances, but slowly and with my cane, which eliminates my ability to race through the airport at the speed needed to make it to the gate before my plane is in the air.

Therefore, I opt to be pushed in a wheelchair. It accelerates and streamlines the procedure through security, boarding, and seating. And it allows me, medically labeled as “high risk for falls”, to fly Southwest without having to stand in their crowded lines and jockey for an unassigned seat among 200 impatient, jostling passengers. Which could easily land me on the floor staring up at feet about to trample my little body.

I like Southwest because they don’t charge to check a bag or carry on a bag. They are polite, entertaining, and consistently on time.

Unfortunately, I have to travel 100 miles North or South to an airport that has Southwest non-stop flights. The airport closest to me, which is still a 50-mile trip, seems allergic to most non-stop flights anywhere.

So it’s time for my annual Thanksgiving trip to my sister’s house in a suburb of Chicago. After an exhaustive search for a non-stop Southwest flight from West Palm Beach airport, I gave up and could only find a flight on WeOnlyWantYourMoney Airlines. (Yes, of course I made up the name, but I don’t want to get into legal issues by naming the actual airline.)

The ticket price was twice what it has been for the past 10 years, but I expected that, given that I’m up to date on the news about airline prices. I wasn’t happy, but I paid it.

Being 4’ 11” tall eliminates the need to pay for extra legroom, but the plane was already so full, I got stuck in a seat in the rear of the aircraft.

Two strikes — double price fare and a seat in the caboose darkened my mood quite a bit.

Then I received an email from WeOnlyWantYourMoney Airline that sent me over the edge:

Hi there,

It’s our goal to make your trip easy and enjoyable, and that includes offering snacks and drinks that you can preorder for your trip that departs from West Palm Beach (PBI) on November 17. Visit WeOnlyWantYourMoney Airline.com/preordersnacks&beverages to choose your snack and drink preferences from our menu.

………. If you don’t want to choose a snack or drink right now, we’ll still have some options you can choose from once you’re on board. After selecting your options, you’ll be asked to save a credit card to hold your order, so you won’t have to use your credit card on the plane. But don’t worry, you won’t be charged until you receive your selections on board — giving you a fully contactless experience.

Thanks for flying with us and bon appétit!

What? What? They want me to PAY for a 2 oz. package of nuts? And God forbid I don’t hurry and give them my credit card number to hold my selection, this gourmet snack may not be available for my dining pleasure when I get on the plane. Are they kidding me?

Examples from their pre-ordered snack and beverage menu:

1. 1.2 oz. package of chocolate-covered almonds — $4.00

2. 1 oz. package of Beef Jerky — $5.00

3. Can of beer — $8.00

4. Glass of wine or alcoholic beverage — between $9 and $10.00

Neither soda nor water was listed. I don’t know if that meant they didn’t offer it or they didn’t charge for it. (Yeah, right!)

I can tell you on principle, I would starve before I would pay that airline $4.00 for a 1.2 oz. package of chocolate almonds or $5.00 for a 1 oz. package of beef jerky (not that I would eat beef jerky). I’ll do just fine bringing my own snacks.

In any case, that was the email that SNAPPED my tolerance in half.

I have written about and been forced to put up with non-existent customer service, rude, poorly trained salespeople, uneducated, ignorant, and grammar illiterate receptionists and telephone representatives, but PAYING $4 for a 1 oz. airline snack, as well as their PRE-PAYING Policy (Providing a credit card number BEFORE getting your “snack”.) did me in.

What happened to my world? Where did it go? I am old enough to remember when:

· It was possible to reach your doctor’s office when you dialed their number. You spoke to a nurse (instead of a national gatekeeper) who gave your message to the doctor, who called you back personally.

· I called a store number, got the actual store rather than a clearing house in a foreign country, and was able to speak to a clerk in that store to ask if the item I was looking for was in stock.

·Airlines served hot meals for free. Sure, they weren’t gourmet restaurant quality, but they were decent and satisfied my hunger on a 6-hour flight. And I didn’t have to pay $4 for an ounce of nuts.

I am old enough to feel that all these changes have, in my ancient opinion, contributed to the isolation, anger, and frustration felt by so many of us. Is it any wonder that mental health issues have soared in recent years?

So yes, the friendly email from WeOnlyWantYourMoney Airlines destroyed any shred of tolerance I may have had left. But the worst part of it is — So what? There is nothing I can do to change any of this.

I am stuck going through the rest of my life bemoaning the loss of competent customer service, value for your money, and an educated populace that cared about work ethic, politeness, and common decency.

Does anyone else agree with me or am I just too old and out of touch to be living in this century?

I am now about to pack up the rest of my luggage and wait for my ride service to the airport. Be sure to stay tuned for the next installment of how this trip played out. In the meantime, I need to make myself a sandwich.

©2022 Joan Gershman All Rights Reserved.

Originally published in Medium.com publication, Crow's Feet