Thanksgiving 2022

Today is Thanksgiving Day. I wanted to take a moment to be grateful for the life I have, even with the ups and downs.

I am so grateful that my partner and I are raising our two kiddos together, albeit in a non-typical style that simply works better for us.

I am so grateful that our son is getting the services and care that he needs to succeed, thrive, grow, and be a bundle of positivity in this world.

I am so grateful that out daughter loves snuggles and succeeding at being a shining light to so many with her bright, easy going smile.

I am so grateful to have Aurora. Tonight I took a long walk with her and it was so freeing. I got to walk with my sibling, but instead of someone being with me to watch out for me, I was the one directing our path for walking. Even with the medication that makes it difficult for me to do in more ways than one. Aurora never failed me - unless you count the times that I got nervous and stopped trusting her to do her job. I'm glad that she is patient with me.

I am so grateful for our home: we have heat, electricity, internet, plenty of books and puzzles, food to fill our tummies, and of course a roof over our heads to keep us dry.

I am grateful that my sibling got to come see us this holiday. I am grateful that my Mom and step-dad got to come. I am grateful for my grandparents. I am just so grateful for all of our family - even the non-supportive family members, because without them our family wouldn't exist at the end of the day.

I am grateful for law enforcement, ambulance crews, firefighters, and other first responders because without them sacrificing time out of their day and away from their family's today, we wouldn't have the opportunity to feel safe in case of an emergency as we go about our holiday plans.

I am grateful for my friends... each and every one of them are so close and dear to my heart. I am grateful for all they have taught me and how they always seem to have a hug if I need one or an encouraging smile. I barely had anyone close enough for me to call a "friend" for a very long time, but this year? This year my friendship circle has widened to include fingers from both hands! *smile*

I am grateful for the body and mind God gave me. Sometimes I wonder why he made me the way I am, why I have an illness that so many equate with pain, suffering, and harming others... but then I read Psalms 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." He knows who I am better than anyone and if this is His path for me, than who am I to argue with Him?

I am grateful for the freedoms I have. Freedoms that mean a lot to me - especially since, in many ways, I grew up in a totally different culture than many Americans do. I am grateful for the freedom to speak and write when my voice fails me even though I am a woman. I am grateful for the freedom to choose what to eat, when to eat, and how much I can eat. I am grateful for the freedom to live in my own home. I am grateful for the freedom to make my own financial decisions in the best interests of my family. I am grateful for the freedom to worship how I choose instead of it being chosen for me.

I am especially grateful to a few law enforcement people this year. Did you know that they were the first people in positions of government authority who told me that I am allowed to defend myself? That I am allowed to defend my kids? It might have been partially how I was raised... or it might have been that everyone was so concerned about a schizophrenic being violent... but I have heard so many times that if I raise a finger to ward off an attack, to push someone away from me, or to strike back... that I would be the one in trouble... that my kids could be removed from my care... that I was absolutely terrified to report an assault. Because after the guy hit me? I hit him back. I was entirely sure that I was in so much trouble. I'm still partially holding my breath, waiting for that arrest warrant for my part in the assault that I was always under the impression would come. I am grateful for their patience as I learn to trust them and work with them. It isn't easy for me... and I am sure that I am not easy on them either - although I am trying to be nice! *smile*

I am grateful for the medications that keep my shadows at bay while I am stressed out. I am grateful for the lawyer who is working pro bono to secure my rights as a disabled person with certain providers. I am grateful for the laws that protect my rights.

And as I close this, I am grateful for terrible things that have happened to me. They allow me to have a unique perspective on life... they allow me to have the knowledge of what is right and wrong... they allow me to sit with other people as they go through similar things and know that there is nothing that can fix the problem. Some things, you have to just sit through and pray for a better day tomorrow. The bad things that have happened to me... each of them has made me into the person I am today.

I am grateful for that because even though I still strive to improve each and every day, well, I kinda like the woman who looks back at me in the mirror. Her physical scars bear witness to the life she has survived, her mental scars bear witness to the pain she has endured, and her love? Her love is a glad witness to her God that pain and suffering do not have to equal hatred and bitterness. *smile*