Tethered

TETHERED

The ego is heavy.

The realization hit me the other day, as I was working with my horse. I am in the midst of learning a new mindset for interacting with my horses, but I had the horse I was currently working on wearing his halter, while I had ahold of the lead-rope. Nothing unusual, or abusive in any way and he was used to this. I only wanted to get a few tangles and burdock out of his mane.

What I realized is that controlling my horse in this way allowed me to fall back into old behaviors for getting what I wanted, instead of practicing the new skills I am trying to develop.

When he was wiggling around and fidgeting and trying to say he didn’t want the grooming I was doing, I forced him to accept it by using a harsh voice and a snap of the rope. He stopped wiggling around and stood still for me to finish, but he also basically just tuned me out.

I wasn’t listening, I was just enforcing. Like a bully.

It was a quick and quiet moment. Nothing looked horrible or intense. Yet, it was an astounding red flag. I got what I wanted in the moment, but how would that lead to future interactions? Would it apply long term? (It had already proven to not have a lasting affect, as I’ve had to repeat this technique on multiple occasions.) Instead, I was sacrificing long-term achievements for short-term gains, or, in other words, for instant gratification.

That’s not what I want. I want other beings, human or animal, to feel comfortable in my presence, not intimidated or voiceless. I am figuring out how to do that, but it takes time and honesty, and also grace for myself. Luckily, horses are pretty forgiving creatures. And more honest than humans. If you’re willing to listen, they’ll tell you what you need to know. It will help move the process along if I can recognize and remove the triggers that cause my ingrained reactions. The halter and lead-rope act as a trigger for me, allowing me to easily fall back on learned behavior, instead of relying on the development of a newfound skillset.

This made me consider how environments and familiar thought patterns dictate our lives, because “old” patterns offer a reliable way to predict a response. It’s easier to return to familiar patterns, than it is to work to develop a new way of thinking. No matter how detrimental the “old” way may be, we can engage and not even think about what we’re doing.

Developing a new mindset takes effort and self-awareness. That’s an uncomfortable place to be, as developing self-awareness also means engaging in self-reflection, which means being completely honest with yourself. Becoming self-aware is difficult at first because it takes a lot of effort to understand and maybe change your own reactions, but necessary for becoming yourself to your fullest potential, rather than plodding through life forever a victim of your own emotions.

What this means in my case, is taking the more challenging option of removing the triggers that cause my negative behavior patterns, so I can pay attention to developing the skills I wish to acquire.

How much lighter can I feel if not tethered to my ego?

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KJ Aartila grew up in a small, rural community surrounded by animals and family. She, along with her husband and daughter, horses and other pets, now live on 40 acres in Northern Wisconsin, surrounded by forest and wildlife. She has spent her life reading about, writing about and working with animals, her goal always to be as reliable, trustworthy and honest as a horse, but her innate humaness keeps getting in the way. She remains determined to keep trying, though.