Stirring the Rice

I will be the first to admit that while I loved Everything, Everywhere, All At Once, my favorite scene is probably not one that most people even noticed. The rock scene was as profound as the scene where Michelle Yeoh's character tears up the windows. However, the scene that stuck out to me the most was at the very beginning.

Evelyn (Michelle Yeoh) was walking around her home frantically trying to talk herself through plans for the day with her husband, Waymond (Ke Huy Quan). At some point, she walks over to the rice cooker, stirs the rice, closes it, and continues on.

"Okay. So what? She stirred the rice. Big effing deal."

That was the first time I had ever seen someone on an American screen do that. In my 35 years of life I have yet to remember seeing anyone just walk over and stir it. It was something I had watched my grandmother, my mother, my aunts, and countless others do. It was something that I did without even asking why. Despite being Korean, while they are obviously Chinese, I thought to myself "They understood."

It is only recently - meaning the past 5-10 years or so - that anything with a "K" in front of it has become popular. K-pop, K-BBQ, K-Dramas. Americans are now eating Korean culture up like Takeru Kobayashi eating hot dogs. It's almost disorienting to see, honestly.

I spent so much of my childhood being teased. My Korean school supplies were always sources of questions. The first time they saw a dosirak, you would have thought I made their mothers disappear.

"Dragonball Z? Weird. Why does your food smell so bad? I bet you that's cat in your lunch, today, isn't it? I know your kind eats dogs. Why is your hair cut like that? You know how they name y'all? They throw coins on the ceiling and then whatever sound it makes, that's what they call you. Are you a terrorist? Ching-chong. Go back to China." Which was then often followed by the pulling back of their eyes, and random noises that they associated with Asian languages.

At first, I would get angry. Then, I thought, "If I just educate them, maybe they'll understand." Yeah, bullies don't exactly work that way - particularly bullies with family members in the clubs where the members wear white hoods and burn crosses. They never said anything to my Irish father, but they had plenty to say, and lots of creative ideas on how to harass my brother, mother and I.

When I got into late middle and high school, I would get questions like, "Me love you long time! You know what that's from, right? (insert racous laughter) I was an 11th year in high school before I even learned that it was from some old movie. I can't even remember the name of it off of the top of my head, and for obvious reasons I never got around to watching it for myself.

I heard Asian women's p*ssies are sideways. You should show us so we can find out. Oh, you're Korean? You know Asian women are submissive to their men. They know how to please them. Isn't that right?"

Um... I just want to play basketball and read books???

It wasn't until I was in my mid-20's that I even heard the word "fetishizing." It was as if the only way I could be proud to be Asian was if I was proud to use my "Asian-ness" to somehow seduce men into bed? I was socially awkward and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress until I was almost 17 years old, so the whole idea of seducing anyone was like trying to convince me that Santa was real.

Once I started dating seriously after high school, I noticed that significant others absolutely loved to point out to their friends and family that I was Asian. It was almost always met with some sort of wonderment. But that's it. I couldn't be any more Asian than that.

Turn off that music that nobody understands. Put away that smelly kimchi.

And then I saw Michelle Yeoh stir the rice.

I saw my life on screen done so effortlessly that I had to actually rewind it to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. For it to be done by a woman that I admired for so long made it even better. I always try to make an effort for my children to know all of their cultures. I have said for years how representation matters, and yet, it wasn't until that tiny moment in such a big movie that the same mantra I pressed for others, made an impact on myself.